Brilliant ASD teenager and school

[Ronald Zeeman]

Every time I think about this thread, I remember that the reason I left home and didn't look back was because there was no point in trying to discuss certain things there. Any logical argument, however well supported, just shattered against a wall of authority.

i've seen this many times bright eccentric, left home no formal education post secondary education. look like a genius to NT's, my brother in-law fits this like hanging with him interesting guy.

Every time I think about this thread, I remember that the reason I left home and didn't look back was because therewas no point in trying to discuss certain things there. Any logical argument, however well supported, just shattered against a wall of authority.

 

[GypsyMoth]

My son has mild ASD, anxiety, depression, and is 2 years ahead now doesn't want to go to school. He is in 10th grade.

We are spending a fortune on group therapy, personal therapy, and a private school that has 4-8 kids per class. None of it is covered by insurance.
He is on the right meds and he has real friends. He eats well. He occasionally exercises. He likes doing things outside on the weekend.

I suspect there are classes he doesn't like and doesn't want to do the work like history.
The classes he excels in he complains there is too much work like math. He asked for a 1 on 1 teacher so we spent the extra money. But now doesn't want to do much of the work.
On top of it he is feeling stupid for the 2 statements above.
I offered to help him with school he refused.

If he gets his GED now it will be an emotional disaster down the line as he will not socialize with anyone. He has to stay in school just for the social aspect.

I think at some point he will just accept the consequences and give up. Currently if he doesn't go he gets no internet. I try to make the home as boring as possible.

I don't know what else to do to encourage him to stay. Suggestions?

He sounds bored.

Instead of focusing on inward reflection concerning outward behavior (i.e., group therapy), why not give him an intellectual challenge? Can he take AP classes? Can he take on more responsibilities, like maybe tutoring other students? Does your local college offer a high school-to-college transition program? Sometimes colleges will allow gifted high school students to take a college-level course in addition to their high school curriculum. You might make taking a college class the reward for staying in school.

I know, staying in school to go to school probably doesn't make much sense. Think of it like this. When I was a kid, I did so poorly in school that I am still astounded they let me graduate. I saw high school as doing time. I showed up, read loads of fiction in class, and passed exams without even having heard the lectures. Because I did so poorly--I mean I brought home F's--anything that might have challenged me was withheld from me. By junior college, I still had this bad concept of myself as someone who wasn't very smart. When I returned to college as an adult I found it ridiculously easy--graduated suma cum laude. It wasn't until my second master's degree that I started thinking, uh-oh, this isn't so easy anymore! It may help your son to know that while lower-level education focuses on knowledge acquisition, upper-level education changes gears and starts asking, okay, now that you know it, what are you going to do about it? It may also help him to understand that diplomas open doors.

The point is, smart kids need challenges. If you want him to stay in school, then challenge him.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

You could be right I was always bored in high school the final exam with a bit of studying is how I got through.

 

[The Lorax]

He sounds bored.

Instead of focusing on inward reflection concerning outward behavior (i.e., group therapy), why not give him an intellectual challenge? Can he take AP classes? Can he take on more responsibilities, like maybe tutoring other students? Does your local college offer a high school-to-college transition program? Sometimes colleges will allow gifted high school students to take a college-level course in addition to their high school curriculum. You might make taking a college class the reward for staying in school.

I know, staying in school to go to school probably doesn't make much sense. Think of it like this. When I was a kid, I did so poorly in school that I am still astounded they let me graduate. I saw high school as doing time. I showed up, read loads of fiction in class, and passed exams without even having heard the lectures. Because I did so poorly--I mean I brought home F's--anything that might have challenged me was withheld from me. By junior college, I still had this bad concept of myself as someone who wasn't very smart. When I returned to college as an adult I found it ridiculously easy--graduated suma cum laude. It wasn't until my second master's degree that I started thinking, uh-oh, this isn't so easy anymore! It may help your son to know that while lower-level education focuses on knowledge acquisition, upper-level education changes gears and starts asking, okay, now that you know it, what are you going to do about it? It may also help him to understand that diplomas open doors.

The point is, smart kids need challenges. If you want him to stay in school, then challenge him.

He is taking AP courses which require him to write essays which he hates.

...was writing this and had to go this is a day later below...

I just spoke to the school and they are flexible. So basically they said is what work he does for that class they will assign points on it. If he does regular work then he gets just the grade. If he does honors work the +.5. If he does AP work or regular work but passes the AP exam +1. They said not to worry about his work or his grades they work around it because they are special school for kids like him. So it should work out.

My wife spoke to a friend who is a professor. Since I am older in our generation it was "do the work or fail". This new generation they push kids through the system. So now the high school diploma is pretty meaningless unless you have a 3.72 GPA, well in our state. So if you take normal classes you need to be at the top. If you take honors and/OR AP then you can easily achieve that with work. The bachelors is the new high school degree 50-70 years ago.

The odd part is that my son's Honor's English course last year was a joke of a class. It was easier than my English classes when I took them. I was told the public honors English, or pre-AP, is really normal English from several sources. He didn't write one essay or paper. I remember having to write quite a bit 3-5 paragraph papers when I was in 10th grade.

I suspect they are now making regular English kind of the lower level English so everyone passes and just calling it regular English. Lowering the bar basically so everyone wins.

I don't know maybe I am off here. But the school relieved my concerns. As my wife said that perhaps we didn't read between the lines with the administrator of the private school when she was talking to us about the school despite me telling her "look don't sugar coat it, just be direct".

 

[The Lorax]

Our high school gave my 2e* son a "504" plan where he only had to do every other math homework problem and he got extra time for timed tests.

*ASD1 + gifted.

He has an IEP and the same thing. ASD+gifted.

 

[The Lorax]

So your son is a 13-15 year old Aspie (a group where certain social deficits are to be expected) who's at school with people two years older?

What are you expecting in terms of the "social aspect"?

His social is pretty good. It's his depression and anxiety that kill him. He has 2 female friends, several online friends, and now many male friends in his classes.

 

[The Lorax]

Your son will grow out of this, we tend to take unorthodox routes to get a result even quitting school my older brother did not car about the piece of paper called a degree. only a few get to be called genius. the rest of us are just bright. if you son is brilliant enough to qualify as genius he has to grow up and find his own way, you would not believe the stories I have read over the years young woman quits school joins punk rock band gets bored decides to go back to school gets phd in physics now is world renowned for doing work on Monster moonshine.
reading her biography I could tell she is one of us, Lots of examples of this path.

Aspies have a 41% high school graduation rate. NTs 59% in the USA - Source Washington Post

I just wish the next 3 years aren't filled with so much drama.

 

[The Lorax]

you cannot speed up how fast kids grow up pain in the ass until they get into their twenty's, you are along for the ride all you can do is hang on. Get as much support as you can from family and friends ride it out. Schools government are not going to be much help.

All the material said he will mature at 25. Another....10....long....years. But there is SSDI which will also give him cheap college classes and get him on Medicare. My Aspie wife also qualifies and he qualifies under he high salary for a software developer.

 

[GypsyMoth]

He is taking AP courses which require him to write essays which he hates.

Hmm. Have you asked him why he hates writing essays? I suspect it's just teenage laziness--I sure know I had that to the nth degree!--but what if there is something more going on than laziness?

...was writing this and had to go this is a day later below...

I just spoke to the school and they are flexible. So basically they said is what work he does for that class they will assign points on it. If he does regular work then he gets just the grade. If he does honors work the +.5. If he does AP work or regular work but passes the AP exam +1. They said not to worry about his work or his grades they work around it because they are special school for kids like him. So it should work out.

Plush.

My wife spoke to a friend who is a professor. Since I am older in our generation it was "do the work or fail". This new generation they push kids through the system. So now the high school diploma is pretty meaningless unless you have a 3.72 GPA, well in our state. So if you take normal classes you need to be at the top. If you take honors and/OR AP then you can easily achieve that with work. The bachelors is the new high school degree 50-70 years ago.

Yeah, the Associates used to be the new H.S. diploma. I finished up my BA as a returning adult about ten years ago and was shocked at how...easy... it was. After having watched the papers my mom wrote for her BA in the 80s, mine was a cakewalk. At some point the cost of producing watered-down degrees is going to catch up with society. I went to a better school for my MA's. The work was much more gratifying, much more intense.

The odd part is that my son's Honor's English course last year was a joke of a class. It was easier than my English classes when I took them. I was told the public honors English, or pre-AP, is really normal English from several sources. He didn't write one essay or paper. I remember having to write quite a bit 3-5 paragraph papers when I was in 10th grade.

not one paper! Egads! Are we really doing our gifted students a favor when we pass without having required them to do the work??? (I obviously belong to the 'you do the work to earn a grade' generation. Now, I didn't do the work and I didn't earn the grade--came within a hair's breadth of failing HS (and I didn't care)--and it all worked out ok in the long run, but still, the idea is still there for me that an English class ought to have a writing competency element.)

I suspect they are now making regular English kind of the lower level English so everyone passes and just calling it regular English. Lowering the bar basically so everyone wins.

They've been lowering the bar for quite some time. Hard to see it get any lower. (Meant both as in, isn't it difficult to lower the stnds anymore? and as in, it's difficult to watch.)

I don't know maybe I am off here. But the school relieved my concerns. As my wife said that perhaps we didn't read between the lines with the administrator of the private school when she was talking to us about the school despite me telling her "look don't sugar coat it, just be direct".

Well, maybe their focus is on his social development rather than his academic achievement development? I don't know. I had a cousin who went to a fancy upper-tier public school for gifted kids. They expected her to perform--and she did, for a time. But I think she just got so burnt out on performing that she walked away from the college opportunities such an attendance offered. She's been out of HS... 8 years? and she's still scared from the experience. Her brother, who is every bit her mathematical equal (and maybe even more gifted in math), refused to go when the regular public school tried to send him there. Guess who's happier? Neither of them are living near their potential, but at least her brother is living life on his terms free of the struggles she endured. So, maybe there's wisdom in letting kids just be kids. I don't know.

Good luck to your son and your family. He sounds like a good kid.