BULLIED BY TEENAGE GIRL AT WORK

[jacinto]

If you take away her ability to control the narrative, then she loses most of her power.

You're saying you think I should discuss it with the boss? I was thinking so too, I mean she's way out of line, right? But verbally conveying this exactly the right way can be tricky. He'll assume I'm putting a biased spin on it too - as most people do when there's disagreement - and that we're both equally to blame. I rarely lie, I don't have to because I'm never trying to be slick. I finally after half my life understand the "white lie" & apply it appropriately (I think). Plus, just in the act of forcing him to mediate between me & a little girl whatever respect he has for me will plummet.

Thank you, though, for the advice...it's probably exactly what I'm gonna have to do. I want to quit so freakin bad though. I just can't imagine going back right now. Look at me, it's been days & 'm still distraught!

 

[jacinto]

...

I was curious if you're French as in born there, or...? Because I've read that Aspies do very well in foreign countries where the little idiosyncrasies will be mistaken for a typical unfamiliarity with the customs. It's totally true, I lived in Mexico for a while (just saved up & went for no real reason other than see some of the world), & I had more genuine friends there than I'd ever thought possible - none of the problems I usually have. It was great, but I got so homesick I was literally sick & had to come back. I also missed cheeseburgers - they had them, but...yeah.

 

[Rayner]

I would talk to the boss, just so he has your side of the story. On some level, your boss will think that there is a spin, but that is just human nature. The main reason I would talk to your boss about it is mainly so your side of the story and viewpoint is heard as there could be many reasons this girl is acting the way she is.

 

[Rayner]

she is way out of line in my opinion, if I were the boss I'd already have fired her ass. that said like I mentioned earlier there could many reasons for her behavior. Until you talk to your boss, there isn't much you can do about this girl on your own without risking your job.

 

[Fitzo]

Can you just say something like: Look boss, I just want to come to work, do my job and go home, but this girl is making that impossible at the moment. I'm not really sure what is the best way do deal with it given the fact that she is young, female and I'm old enough to be her father! What do you suggest? Or something like that in your own words. That way you're asking for advice rather than complaining about her.
Do you think that could work?

 

[jacinto]

Can you just say something like: Look boss, I just want to come to work, do my job and go home, but this girl is making that impossible at the moment. I'm not really sure what is the best way do deal with it given the fact that she is young, female and I'm old enough to be her father! What do you suggest? Or something like that in your own words. That way you're asking for advice rather than complaining about her.
Do you think that could work?

That's freaking brilliant. I've been going over a script of what I'd say but your material way easier to remember. I've been repeating it out loud, talking to myself! Whenever I've thought of something I should've said to this person, I recite it a little angrily & loudly. Until I notice my dog looking at me like, "Yep, he's trippin again. That's my owner." And I go pet her so she knows that, even if I go a little crazy, she's always safe. Dogs are fuzzy little people without agendas, deceptions, or subtleties.

 

[Fitzo]

That's freaking brilliant. I've been going over a script of what I'd say but your material way easier to remember. I've been repeating it out loud, talking to myself! Whenever I've thought of something I should've said to this person, I recite it a little angrily & loudly. Until I notice my dog looking at me like, "Yep, he's trippin again. That's my owner." And I go pet her so she knows that, even if I go a little crazy, she's always safe. Dogs are fuzzy little people without agendas, deceptions, or subtleties.

Yep dogs are the best people I know!

 

[Fitzo]

I hope it goes well for you! When do you think you'll see him?

 

[Buzzerfly]

I am, from the male version of this exact same scenario. At least there though, there is a code of honor for me go by. Just me, apparently, not so much the other guy(s)...In the before time, I hated being pretty. It got me none of the unfair advantage that other males are so quick to want to "take me down a notch" for. When girls always think they're into you and, and then you watch their opinion careen downhill because you're unusual is worse than if they'd never shown interest at all. And men, if they had any homosexual tendency at all, shaking them off my six could be tricky. And if they weren't gay, their go-to maneuver what to spread it around to any girls they know that I was. In this way they can take me out of the game completely with said woman & anyone she knows.

For the record, I never saw your photo. I just figured all people who get pummeled out there do. I do, look beat up that is. But bad people look ugly to me. And those that are cool look genuinely pretty, even if they become haggard, fat, scraggly, whatever.

Yeah I don't think what she's doing now is displaying a "crush" on you. I just meant she was probably attracted but now punishes you for her having felt that way. I thought the camera idea might work.

 

[Suzanne]

I was curious if you're French as in born there, or...?

No! Born in the uk. Have been in France for 15 years and no, not fluent, but (sorry to any French on here), but not inspired with the language and I am afraid, that if something does not inspire me, I cannot be good in it and no, not even being in France is that inspiration. But I do speak enough to take away the: you live here; you should try.

 

[Siobhan]

I strongly agree with Fitzo about what to say to your boss. I had a situation where a person much younger than me was leading a bullying campaign against me and that kind of language was what got them to at least stop sabatoging my work and holding me to different standards than themselves. As far as being a grown man and dealing with a teenage girl face to face, can you cultivate a "dad face?" If you're already a dad, you probably have one already and could try and learn to call it up on command. It's benignly strict look that basically levels your adultness over a person while also telling them to cut out whatever they're doing. The best example is always the person's own dad, so picture your dad when you were in trouble. Even a basic one can work on someone who is a decade or more younger than you, although a good one works on people your own age too.
Confident energy goes far with teenagers, so keep going about your business and don't act ruffled even if she's really getting to you, and remember that you're set up to outlast here there because teenagers and students in general tend to switch jobs more often.
I hope it works out. I'm still dealing with the fallout of my last workplace bullying experience and it's helpful to read a thread of similar experiences.

 

[Progster]

I would just ignore her, she will get bored from not evoking any resonse and leave you alone eventually. I'd also watch her, and at when she goes somewhere she isn't supposed to go - at some point, she will - I'd remind her about following the rules by repeating back to her what she said to you.

 

[Mr Allen]

If you go the official route and report the bullying to your line Manager, it will probably be "swept under the carpet" because they won't want to have to do "Boss" things like disciplinary action against the bully in question.

Meh, that's been my experience anyway.

 

[MysticEmber]

i would just ignore her. i am in a situation right now with my next door neighbors. They are straight out of high school college girls, 3 of them and they for some reason decided to not like me.. they get complaints a lot because of their parking and loud parties, so i think they are blaming me for them all and will stair at me rudely and say mean comments loud enough for me to hear that it was about me. I am used to being bullied. But for the past 12-13 years i learned to keep to myself completely to avoid any more of it. I feel like i am in high school all over again because of these little girls with nothing better to do, they just spit their poison out at others because they are too toxic to handle their own problems. my therapist told me to just ignore them but to stay assertive and take care of myself. if they break the rules and make me feel unsafe in anyway, i will take the proper actions with the landlord and/or police depending on the situation.

 

[Theta.G]

I agree with classical feminism. Made real ladies. Neo feminism, on the other hand can go straight to hell. It spawns disgusting, ugly creatures like the one you have to interact with. (Sorry you have to go through that by the way)

Heck, if i was in your city would call the restaurant and say "so and so was so rude. Talking on her cell phone and giving me the "shush" sign when we were waiting for our food. When she did bring us our food her finger was inside my drink with the lid off! very unprofessional" or
"She cussed me out at the drive through and called me this or that for asking for sauce."
or
"I asked for sauce and she whipped it through the window!! it hit my baby in the eye. I'm not eating at your establishment anymore"

It should only take a few of these over the course of a month to get her canned. Fits her personality so the boss will buy the story.

You say your not good at manipulation and after reading your story and having this thought maybe you have some friends in your area (who she hasn't seen you with) that are?

Keeps your hands relatively clean. Burns the witch at the stake, and your friends get to have fun! and you get some solace. to at least try again with someone new. The devil you know might be comfortable but ask yourself this... Just how bad could a new employee get?... How good can a new employee be? If that girl that you deal with now is already pretty darn bad... then by the law of averages you have a higher chance of working with someone less domineering the next go around.

I would suggest bringing it up with the boss however... It sounds like she has them where she wants them too. And would only escalate the situation. he/she may not have the spine to fire her over small matters but if they were to pile up fear of his or her own boss would be greater then fear of the high school girl.

Another suggestion... Perhaps if you took a job in a restaurant your colleagues would be more mature. Or at least have a little class.

 

[jacinto]

I hope it goes well for you! When do you think you'll see him?

Damn it I'm about to go right now I think.

 

[jacinto]

I agree with classical feminism. Made real ladies. Neo feminism, on the other hand can go straight to hell. It spawns disgusting, ugly creatures like the one you have to interact with. (Sorry you have to go through that by the way)

Heck, if i was in your city would call the restaurant and say "so and so was so rude. Talking on her cell phone and giving me the "shush" sign when we were waiting for our food. When she did bring us our food her finger was inside my drink with the lid off! very unprofessional" or
"She cussed me out at the drive through and called me this or that for asking for sauce."
or
"I asked for sauce and she whipped it through the window!! it hit my baby in the eye. I'm not eating at your establishment anymore"

It should only take a few of these over the course of a month to get her canned. Fits her personality so the boss will buy the story.

You say your not good at manipulation and after reading your story and having this thought maybe you have some friends in your area (who she hasn't seen you with) that are?

Keeps your hands relatively clean. Burns the witch at the stake, and your friends get to have fun! and you get some solace. to at least try again with someone new. The devil you know might be comfortable but ask yourself this... Just how bad could a new employee get?... How good can a new employee be? If that girl that you deal with now is already pretty darn bad... then by the law of averages you have a higher chance of working with someone less domineering the next go around.

I would suggest bringing it up with the boss however... It sounds like she has them where she wants them too. And would only escalate the situation. he/she may not have the spine to fire her over small matters but if they were to pile up fear of his or her own boss would be greater then fear of the high school girl.

Another suggestion... Perhaps if you took a job in a restaurant your colleagues would be more mature. Or at least have a little class.

That is a great response, I like that. Lots of options there, thank you so much!

 

[jacinto]

i would just ignore her. i am in a situation right now with my next door neighbors. They are straight out of high school college girls, 3 of them and they for some reason decided to not like me.. they get complaints a lot because of their parking and loud parties, so i think they are blaming me for them all and will stair at me rudely and say mean comments loud enough for me to hear that it was about me. I am used to being bullied. But for the past 12-13 years i learned to keep to myself completely to avoid any more of it. I feel like i am in high school all over again because of these little girls with nothing better to do, they just spit their poison out at others because they are too toxic to handle their own problems. my therapist told me to just ignore them but to stay assertive and take care of myself. if they break the rules and make me feel unsafe in anyway, i will take the proper actions with the landlord and/or police depending on the situation.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Work is bad enough, but this is your home? Your safey-safe? I hate those girls for you! Stupid, cruel, hateful, ignorant, ugly, common, boring, mundane, probably bad-smelling, annoying, obnoxious little sluts!

 

[jacinto]

If you go the official route and report the bullying to your line Manager, it will probably be "swept under the carpet" because they won't want to have to do "Boss" things like disciplinary action against the bully in question.

Meh, that's been my experience anyway.

I know, I know. I think so too.

 

[MysticEmber]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Work is bad enough, but this is your home? Your safey-safe? I hate those girls for you! Stupid, cruel, hateful, ignorant, ugly, common, boring, mundane, probably bad-smelling, annoying, obnoxious little sluts!

Well, like my partner told me, if they are making trouble for me, they are most likely making trouble for some one else, so just let those other people deal with them and for me to not worry about it anymore.