C-PTSD

[Kitsuna]

In the past two weeks, I’ve realized I likely have C-PTSD from both middle school bullying (I was regularly gossiped behind my back, according to several people at different times who felt the need to let me know what was going on- to someone’s credit, one of those people was one of the bullies and she apologized anonymously for what she and her friends did-, and teased to my face) and all the screwed up things my mother said to me when she was fed up with my shortcomings. It’s physically manifesting as a high resting heart rate and neurogenic tremors too.

To be completely honest, I was under the impression PTSD only was triggered by combat experience or something equally severe until very recently, so coming to terms with this is confusing. I’m currently reading The Body Keeps The Score to better understand the condition.

I think I’ve seen people state on here before that they unfortunately deal with C-PTSD as well.

Could anyone give advice on how to heal from this? Thanks!

 

[Raggamuffin]

Watch Tim Fletcher on YouTube

His channel has hundreds of hours of videos on CPTSD

Also Gabor Matè has many videos and interviews. He's also published many books.

Ed

 

[Xinyta]

It's okay. PTSD is commonly associated with war veterans, because it's the most commonly known way to get it. It hard to see it any other way. But yes, it's not something that is limited surviving war.

I cannot provide definitive help. But what I can say is to take it a day at a time. Accept that your C-PTSD isn't something that makes you lesser as a humanbeing. It's part of life experiences. Thus, you can learn from it. You are not alone and you don't have to suffer alone.

 

[MC1Rcat]

I have CPTSD and am currently in psychotherapy and see a psychiatrist. My dr told me that people with ASD have a higher rate of CPTSD, especially those who are late diagnosed ASD (like me). It is because children with ASD are more sensitive to their environment and they process things differently, and when parents/ caregivers do not understand how to properly deal with that, trauma can result. That was definitely the case with me, because I was not diagnosed until I was 50. I also grew up in a violent home, which is another reason I have CPTSD. I didn't start getting help for it until a couple of years ago, when I had a big health crisis which left me disabled. I started having major problems with depression and anxiety and began getting mental help. It was then that I was diagnosed with ASD 1 and CPTSD. By the way, there are a lot of similarities in the types of social problems that result from ASD and CPTSD. Sometimes people are misdiagnosed with one or the other.... but they also often coexist.

 

[Jonn]

In the past two weeks, I’ve realized I likely have C-PTSD from both middle school bullying

I have heard a number of ppl declare that part of Complex-PTSD is feeling guilty by what has happened.
Do you?

I have manageable PTSD.
I haven't researched C-PTSD, btw.

 

[Jonn]

By the way, there are a lot of similarities in the types of social problems that result from ASD and CPTSD. Sometimes people are misdiagnosed with one or the other.... but they also often coexist.

Ppl on the spectrum are plagued with comorbidities.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Interesting findings: Activating the serotonin 2a receptors in the brain with certain psychedelics will "unlock the gating" mechanisms in the brain and allow the brain to eliminate the "fear responses" associated c-PTSD/PTSD. In doing so, allowing the person to confront their fears. Best done in a structured, safe environment, with a guide to walk you through the process.

It's also helped with substance abuse and confronting a terminal diagnosis.

The indigenous peoples of the world might call it a "spirit walk" and use psilocybin, peyote, ayahuasca, etc. In modern times, this therapy is best done in a psychologists office. Very powerful. One or two sessions are nearly 100% successful, as opposed to far less effective daily medications.

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/research/psychedelics-research

PTSD Study — Center for Psychedelic & Consciousness Research

 

[Kitsuna]

I have heard a number of ppl declare that part of Complex-PTSD is feeling guilty by what has happened.
Do you?

I have manageable PTSD.
I haven't researched C-PTSD, btw.

100%. As an adult I’m hypervigilant about either doing, or possibly doing, something socially off without realizing it was problematic (nothing bad, just awkward or etc in a way that’s weird to NTs). It goes beyond normal embarrassment avoidance.

 

[Rodafina]

@Kitsuna
I think the first step of dealing with trauma is to recognize, accept it, and start learning about it. So, well, done - you have already done these things.

So many people with long standing trauma benefit from the help of a mental health professional. Especially if you think that you have complex ptsd, then I would recommend finding a therapist. One good thing about trauma is that it is well researched and there are several different evidence based approaches to reduce trauma symptoms. You may have to be patient and find the one that helps you the most.

One therapy to investigate is EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) - it can sound and seem odd at first, but it is an approach to help people work through trauma. There is some info on it here: What is EMDR therapy and why is it used to treat PTSD?

 

[Aspychata]

This is a excellent post, asking for help is so difficult for me. I am definitely checking out @Raggamuffin 's suggestions. I went thru two years of battered women syndrome, and it was a difficult door to get thru and finally come out of. Good luck on this journey.

 

[Kitsuna]

I have a problem with asking for help too. It’s driven my parents crazy in the past.

I’ve already checked out Tim Fletcher’s videos and one resonated so much I was triggered (albeit half in a relieved way, because the silver lining was it was confirmation I finally was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. This has been under diagnosed as GAD for years and nothing seemed to help so it has been getting worse.)

 

[Tuffsy]

I got PTSD from being bullied at school when I was 55 years old, I was a teacher! It caused me to have an almost successful suicide attempt. My Psychiatrist put me on drugs that made me feel like a zombie and it wasn't helping. My Psychologist suggested mindfulness and a book called The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. It took quite a few months but I was eventually able to accept my PTSD feelings and not let them affect me, although sometimes I still have bad dreams about the incident, 12 years later.

 

[Kitsuna]

I think thanks to also OCD, I ruminate about things to try to process them and struggle to express them either by journaling or talking to someone, I end up unnecessarily melting down from feeling overwhelmed. I really need to start posting more, even if it’s just a blog on here.

 

[DavyBoyAB]

I have diagnosed C-PTSD and SAD as result of it. It is not a veteran-only diagnosis, but surely in some ways it differs among victims of different kinds of violence.

The difference between C-PTSD and PTSD is in the fact that you have a complex of traumas or complex of consequences of it, such as different disorders raised by your PTSD.

If you questioning do you have PTSD so fill the PCL-5 test online and then it shows do you need to worry about it and is this PTSD, I know that doctors in some countries are very expensive and there are no support for people in need, so its way easier to test yourself before going to.

My C-PTSD story is very SAD....

First of all...

I was living under domestic violence of my stepfather when I was 8-9 then my mother got arrested at school instead of returning me back, lately when I've been brough to my father, living in very poor conditions and dangerous village I've been sexually assaulted when I was 12 y.o.

I've been bullyied for being different in all schools I had, and only in high school I found patience for a moment,

My traumas started to build by SAD, it was probably first time manifested at age of 13-14 when I found out that I have a crush and that I am a Gay and it is strictly stigmatized in our society and I will probably suffer my whole life instead of being fair with everyone. And my bad attitudes and thoughs like: "Am I a Gay because I was sexually assaulted or were it my own decision or my nature"

It was very difficult for me to find a job because my SAD prevented me from answer or do calls, prevented me from interviews... so after all I found a job as a Software Developer and passed my interview totally drunk because remotely it doesn't smells, I got the job and it was comfy because I only had to communicate using text in Jira, no verbal communication, no visits, totally remote. Alcohol really helped me, because under it - I lose control of myself while I'm always hypercontrol myself in order to not show at least one emotion or traumatic somatisation like unexpected tears from nothing or shiverring of something.

Then I was in need to rent an apartment and it was an another difficult thing, because of SAD again, so I used my trusted friends instead of myself and they helped me to rent it by providing their presence and support there where I was in need in. It is almost seemed to be that I need a social worker with my troubles.

My first date was also very stressfull even though we've chatted enough before meeting, and then of course we did it...

then... at age of 23...

I've been kidnapped by my government security service, violently tortured and jailed for the only fact that I've posted anti-war post in the internet, that decribed war crimes of my government's against Ukraine, these crimes triggered me especially deep to the soul because there were crimes committed against kids, so I felt some kind of retraumatisation of my own case.

Then I spent 94 days in solicell because I was also a Gay so people like me shall be isolated or other prisoners could kill me for it. I spent there in solitude lots of days, and then been released. I even created a videogame in order to publicly image the conditions I had to survive in.

Then when I returned from prison to my partner, the security service started searches in both our apartments in order to find more evidence against us and they had threaten us a lot, so we decided to leave our country. All our assets were confiscated without even a description "What for".

Then we've spent 2 years in visa-free countries where we've been able to reside for long term, it was lots of stress and hard enough to reintegrate, to work, to do anything. Then... we've received humanitarian visas to France and now recognized as refugees.

I am not a veteran of war, and never ever hold a weapon, avoiding mandatory military service in my homeland by every legal way I had in order to not get into another institution with strict rules and bullying to not retraumatize.

Sometimes when I see something sensitive and relative to my case I even have tears just from nothing and cant stop it. I hold my problems, identity and emotions within and avoid social interactions in order to feel safe.

Now I take medication (Paroxetine, Prothiadene, Prazepam, Zopiclone) but instead of feeling better I feel decay of my habits and responsibilities, I'm still unable to go for a therapy even being fully funded by government of France (), my SAD blocks me to be honest and to talk about anything related to my problems so my psychiatrist only knows that I've been a victim of torture and false imprisonment, and only because my partner told her, but the most lack of self-esteem I have from the very childhood cases, especially domestic violence and rape.

At the first visit when I've been kicked into psychiatrist bureau alone - I was in panic attack absolutely unable to speak and my legs were shivering without ability to stop it.

PTSD is not only about your participation in traumatic episode but always about your negative attitudes that you received from these events, in case of veterans it also means the attitudes that you receive from your conscience by killing or torturing people in other coutries in order to comply with command received from military command, thats why we have lots of bad behaviours from them after their return from frontlines among the world.
So you have to find your negative attitudes and fight them, vipe them out of your brain, reunderstand your past, your abilities you had and feelings that you had from it.
My negative attitudes I received from my traumatic episodes: I am a worthless and not loved and I am guilt that I was a bad kid, I am impure and I am guilt in that happened to me, I didn't resisted enough against rape, I didn't done everything that was necessary, I went too faraway from home and thats why I am guilt in what happened, I am guilt that I was too careless to dare to blame my dictatorship homeland government in war crimes, I knew that there might be bad consequences but I did it, I posted it and I am guilt. Even though that freedom of speech is our fundamental right of human, it is not works when you blame your country in things they prefer to deny. I was to stupid and said evidence against myself to the torturer hoping he will not torture me if I'd say truth and take responsibility, it was a mistake and I should die there for my beliefs instead of being burden in here. thats what I am feeling and thats what make me feel traumatized.

PTSD also manifests itselfs in trauma-related dreams or trigger feelings, I experience stress even with french cops, because the whole idea of cops now associates in my mind with that tortures, so I hate cops at all even being fully law-abiding resident, I noticed that cops among the world use double meanings and psychological tricks in order to say that you give consent you don't really want to give, or that you confirm evidence against you, I feel that this should be totally illegal because it makes negative feeling of police as institution, I should think that here they serve for protecting us (tears against), instead of that I feeling towards them, its like a racism towards profession that I can't remove from my brain.

The real things that helps me to cope from all stress I have and from social anxiety based on are alcohol, ABDL, hot bath, but my current medication doesn't seems to be helping and its hard enough to fix things like C-PTSD especially having SAD as additional bonus that prevents you to trust people and prevents you to believe that they will not judge you and your story and your decisions, and when you expect that they confirm your negative attitudes instead of changing it and then you will suffer more from it.

 

[Kitsuna]

I cannot begin to fathom what you have been through, because your story is extremely painful. I am so sorry and really glad you and your partner were taken in by France.

But, for what it’s worth, I think you are extremely brave for standing up to Putin and that is totally commendable. I hope me saying as much isn’t invalidating or tone deaf, due to what you’ve felt in hindsight. It’s just that the invasion of Ukraine wasn’t right. Nor is the crackdown of you and your fellow dissidents.

Thanks for your advice and I hope for the best for you.