For me there is always a balance to be struck between self-acceptance and the prospect of transformation. I am always minded of what Temple Grandin is reputed to have said, 'Autism is a developmental disorder, and I'm still developing.'In the Bible it says in Romans 12:2, that the mind can be transformed. Does anyone not accept their autism like me and want to be changed?
Or is it best to accept autism, and embrace it, because it is who we are?
It's important to be kind to yourself and accept what you can't change right now, while at the same time engaging with whatever process you have available that offers the prospect of transformation, no matter how limited this may seem. This process may be linked to religion, therapy, art, whatever.
I often have to remind myself that everything is changing all the time, nothing is at rest for even a moment. This encourages me and reminds me that the potential for transformation is always there; even if I cannot access it in that particular moment, hour ,day etc. Somethings will improve quickly, some slowly, and some not at all. Yet, in all this movement, there is always the possibility that something will change, shift, mutate; and then what once seemed impossible becomes at least conceivable.
For me it's like this: I am currently working on the seal of the glass jar of my avatar with a crow bar. One day, I don't know when, I will break the seal, breath the fresh air, and climb out into the world. I will still be me, still have ASD yet be able to meet the world half way.
The world isn't going to transform itself for our benefit. Yet, when we develop the capacity to face the world honestly, as ourselves, we find that we have changed not only ourselves but also the world.
So, can we be transformed? Yes, gradually; issue by issue, day by day. Should we aim for neurotypical conformity? No. It's an impossible goal, and why should we? We can accept where we are now and embrace our potential for transformation simultaneously. But that transformation will never be complete, should never be complete. Why? Because it doesn't need to be. We are OK as we are. All of us, neurotypical or not are flawed. It is through struggling to overcome our flaws that we become our best selves. It is then that we are most human.
Without these flaws however, there would be no opportunity to achieve transformation and maybe no motivation to try. I think that we can accept that we have the capacity for transformation while also accepting that it is the work of a life time: maybe many life times.