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Can aspies love back?

Yes, aspies feel and love just as much as everyone else. I've talked to one counselor who believes that they actually are more sympathetic than most people.

It seems like they're often much more difficult to express, though Aspies often don't use or recognize the same physical, facial, verbal, and social cues that others use. So the emotions may be there, but it takes some work and some time to get to them.
 
An aspie can definitely love back, although it may not be as obvious as they may not be-able to express their emotions or have the confidence to say anything, this obviously isn't always the case however and sometimes it can be the opposite where aspies can become obsessive. Aspies may miss subtle signs of love unless they're blatant. Aspies are more often loyal in relationships.
 
I can feel love, it just isn't easy to know if the other is feeling the same as it's difficult to interprete other's feelings. Then I don't know how to express mine and fear
I will say something too obvious and maybe scare them off.
So I really need for someone to be super open about how they feel. So I never make any "first moves".
 
pjcnet said:
An aspie can definitely love back, although it may not be as obvious as they may not be-able to express their emotions or have the confidence to say anything, this obviously isn't always the case however and sometimes it can be the opposite where aspies can become obsessive. Aspies may miss subtle signs of love unless they're blatant. Aspies are more often loyal in relationships.
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I would agree, I tend to be on the obsessive end of the scale.
 
Well thank you for all your insight very informative but it looks like each of you have a different outlook on feelings. In my situation it isvperfect for the both of us to figure each other out without the pressures that a normal relationship would cause. I have held this woman in high regard tried to figure out why she is the way she is. And failed miserably but came back again and again relentlessly to fix her. She finally told me about asper which took a lot of trust and faith in the person that I am. She is a very private person and I can not read her like I can most people. It will be time that will tell the tell. It would be a lot easier if she would tell me what she thought because I could quite possibly be totally wrong about what she wants.
 
This brings up a pertinent misconception about many people on the spectrum of autism.

That it isn't so much a matter of do we or don't we have such traits and behaviors, so much as it is how well or not we project them to other people. Love, affection and things like empathy may not be so easily understood based on how we may- or may not project them.

It's likely that we have them, contrary to popular belief. However that we just don't show our emotions in ways that can be so easily understood. Which admittedly can be a challenge for Neurotypicals.
 
billybeers said:
Well thank you for all your insight very informative but it looks like each of you have a different outlook on feelings. In my situation it isvperfect for the both of us to figure each other out without the pressures that a normal relationship would cause. I have held this woman in high regard tried to figure out why she is the way she is. And failed miserably but came back again and again relentlessly to fix her. She finally told me about asper which took a lot of trust and faith in the person that I am. She is a very private person and I can not read her like I can most people. It will be time that will tell the tell. It would be a lot easier if she would tell me what she thought because I could quite possibly be totally wrong about what she wants.
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You cannot fix her. There is no fix, you take us or leave us. If there is one sure fire way to ensure you never get this off the ground, its going into it trying to change who she is and not accepting her as her true self.
 
Yea that took two years to figure out that it wasn't anything that needs fixed. She just needed accepted and understood but it was fun trying to figure it all. In the meantime it has been my pleasure .
 
I’ve often asked myself if I have ever really felt love. NTs make it seem so easy and matter of fact. Maybe it is and I just over think it.

How do I know I don’t just intensely like them or that I’m just infatuated with them.

Maybe it comes down to whether I want to be emotionally connected to a person. Because it’s hard to be emotionally connected to a person. You have to devote time and energy to them and take them into consideration in your thoughts and that can be draining. Are they important enough to me to allow them that power over me?

I personally find it awkward to say “I love you” to anyone. It just doesn’t feel right. So it’s hard.

There is a guy that I like but some would consider him an inappropriate partner - hell, I considered him an inappropriate partner. But he’s grown on me. He’s INCREDIBLY persistent (which is an attribute I admire). Has a curious and analytical mind that I can relate to. I feel I can have real and deep conversations with him with NO filter. He’s open-minded and willing to learn. I think he likes my quirks and odd behavior. I am also physically attracted to him a lot and attracted to other aspects of his personality also. I like him enough that I feel willing to forgive some of his previous indiscretions (even though he annoys me and pushes my senses to the limit sometimes) and I really want to give him a chance.

I don’t know if that’s love. But maybe it’s good enough for now? A starting point.

I wish I could tell him these things in person so he isn’t confused about how I feel. But because of the “situation” it’s inappropriate and just not possible.


Maybe this aspie of yours is purposely being hard to read (more than the usual). I would think that if she took years to tell you something she’s private about, that she’s either tired of you trying to fix her or she thought enough about you to tell you.
 
Can she tell what your feelings are?

She’s probably kind of clueless unless you’ve been somewhat obvious.
If you’ve been going back again and again like you say - she probably figured out that there was something to it earlier than you think. But since we know that we have trouble reading people on a regular basis and have probably misread people enough to be gun shy, she probably doesn’t want to assume anything so waits for things to be straight forward instead.
 
How can you tell what her feelings are or if she feels the same?

NORMALLY, once the guy has been straightforward about their feelings towards me, I would be happy to share my thoughts and feelings back with them. So how can you tell - i personally would find a way to let you know (so long as it’s appropriate to do so).
 
I have a way about saying things around or to this person that convey what my intentions are. EVERY conversation that I have had when it comes to bombarding her with question after question after question is to get her thoughts and advice on how to get what I want. I know the rules that we live by. I think about her continuously and can not find one thing I do not enjoy about her. I have got to have her for my very own and would not change anything that does. When it comes to eating macaroni I love macaroni there are things that I enjoy doing that annoys her that I can and will quit for example (hockey player with shovel) but if she knew how much I enjoy doing that my bet is she would say go ahead and do it. So can I on special occasions? I have never felt like I have won a woman heart and don't know how I could have possibly won this ones I am normally quite talkative but have struggled with putting it in writing I hope that you understand it is you I am talking about
 
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