Too bad you started your thread (titled it, even) with such a bad question. If you look around at other relationship threads you'll find that we're usually pretty helpful with this sort of thing. A lot of us have troubles in this department and we're generally keen to support each other when one of us is fortunate enough to find a potential special someone.
You've not really told us much about her. I assume that you're having trouble communicating. I've had that too, and it's quite possible (although not at all certain) that she has some characteristics similar to mine, and that these characteristics make communication between aspies and NTs difficult, particularly where romance is concerned.
A woman who's interested in me ought to treat me differently than most men in the following ways, provided that it's not terribly difficult for her and it does not unnecessarily detract from the value of the relationship.
- She should refrain from hinting and speak plainly, using words to convey ideas accurately and with only as much precision as is warranted.
- She should not rely on body language or facial expression for either sending or receiving information. She may be tempted, since there are many non-verbal cues that do work properly, for instance I smile when happy and can cry when sad, and can recognize these things in others. This does not always work, and when it is assumed that these things are reliable and they're really not it creates a problem the root of which is very difficult to detect, and the problem does not readily identify itself as one of miscommunication.
- She should remember that different things are obvious to different people. I will fail to take into account, or even completely miss, things that seem very relevant and important to her, particularly where social interactions are concerned. She should also expect that I'll constantly be seeing things that she misses; if properly taken advantage of this can make for a very powerful team.
- She should feel very free to ask whatever questions she likes. There is a sense in which I'm very open, I want to share who I am with her, however I don't know what she wants to know and have a hard time just babbling on about myself. She should almost feel obliged to ask me things, if she would usually be able to get information from non-verbal cues in a situation and she feels a lack of information, or if she suspects that she has gained non-verbal information she should seek replacement or verification verbally. She should also verbalize any information she would usually send via non-verbal means.
Not all of these things will necessarily need to be taken to extremes, but it's better to establish where such lines might be drawn rather carefully, and such lines might best be drawn in pencil rather than ink.
We're all different, perhaps none of this applies. Perhaps some of the above ideas will be helpful. Perhaps none of your difficulties are about her being on the spectrum. From what I know and suspect the above is most likely what I can help you with if indeed it's any help.
