Can someone with autism actually get annoyed when people ignore each other in social areas?

[Tony Ramirez]

I mean get togethers like coffee shops, parks and other venues even after yoga classes when everyone leaves without saying anything to anyone. Or you sit in there dives and everyone is doing there own thing ignoring each other not saying anything.

You would think someone like me would like that. Sometimes I do but I find it extremely annoying if you join a group or look for a good hangout and everyone is ignoring each other. As an autistic I am actually craving social interaction because if I don't for too long I end up trauma dumping on some poor women and yes most of the time it's a women and regret it later.

Is this strange considering I use to run away from social settings 5 years ago?

 

[honeytoast]

People aren't really obligated to talk to each other when they're out doing something.

Sometimes if there is silence, no one 'breaks the ice' and gets a conversation going. It can be difficult to make the first step.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I am in Heaven when people are doing their own thing and I can do my thing and there's no trivial distractions.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I am in Heaven when people are doing their own thing and I can do my thing and there's no trivial distractions.

As am I sometimes but other times I want to socialize. But then I also find one on one easier. I find groups quite difficult.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

As am I sometimes but other times I want to socialize. But then I also find one on one easier. I find groups quite difficult.

I socialize very well one on one not so well in groups.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I can interact one on one, but not sure it would be considered socializing. No small talk. Actual purposeful discussions. I have a small group of friends with common interests. Only 2 know each other, but they are in different states so we usually talk on phone.

 

[Aspychata]

Your definition of a social area may be different than others. A party, is a social area. A yoga class is more a random group of people. Church group meeting might also be a social area. I think getting annoyed doesn't really change the dynamics. But if you chose to be a tour leader for tourism, you may really enjoy it, because they need to get everyone engaged and enjoying the highlights to talk about historical events. This may be a great area for you to pursue.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Your definition of a social area may be different than others. A party, is a social area. A yoga class is more a random group of people. Church group meeting might also be a social area. I think getting annoyed doesn't really change the dynamics. But if you chose to be a tour leader for tourism, you may really enjoy it, because they need to get everyone engaged and enjoying the highlights to talk about historical events. This may be a great area for you to pursue.

Thats how my son met his fiance.

 

[Hypnalis]

Sometimes I do but I find it extremely annoying if you join a group or look for a good hangout and everyone is ignoring each other.

This spectacularly fails the "symmetry test" (which actually means "try that with women as the target" /lol).

You have no general right to control other people's personal autonomy (e.g. behavior), including their interest in social interactions.
Which doesn't mean you can't get upset about it, but it does 100% mean you shouldn't get angry about it.

On the plus side, it's healthy to ask about this stuff.
But that resentment and/or anger is a very bad thing for you. Not least because you probably signal it to other people (**). If they pick up on it, it will make them uncomfortable, and they won't forget that: it will influence their behavior in the future.

(**) mild annoyance can be hidden, but it's not easy to hide anger. The adrenaline rush associated with anger is readily visible, and most people have seen it (and recognized it for what it is) many times in their lives.

A continuation to what I said yesterday:
* A cardinal rule of interacting with people is "don't scare them".

Note that it's always been easier to scare women than men, and the risks are exaggerated for ideological purposes these days, so many women are hypersensitive to negative signals.

So since you probably can't hide anger and resentment, your easiest path is to understand where it's coming from, and work on that.

Note: be careful of the wikipedia article on this. It feels a bit biased towards a specific subset of external causes.

 

[Judge]

Is this strange considering I use to run away from social settings 5 years ago?

Perhaps not so strange if you can determine the root causes of such behaviors. One likely reflecting a basic trait of autism and the other, perhaps something else entirely.

Relative to autism, what some of us refer to as "black and white thinking". That so much of what we think about is often expressed in absolute terms of something being one way or another, without considering what may be "in between".

Which more often than not can be a problem for those of us on the spectrum. In world with "plenty of grey" between all those layers of "black and white".

Two examples to consider:

* Becoming quite social compared to how you once were. That a lack of socializing now irritates you.

* Or your absolute desire only to socialize with women and not men.

Conversely it might also be indicative of bipolar behavior. For someone on the spectrum to go from social anxiety to social "bravado" seems out of the ordinary, unless you consider the nature of bipolar behavior, watching someone go from one manic extreme state to a depressive state over and over.

Something ultimately that only you and a qualified physician can mull over.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Or your absolute desire only to socialize with women and not men.

I can't believe I am saying this but this week except for the one instant of the woman buying my soda single and otherwise woman have been snobs to me all week barely or flat right ignoring me even right next to me and won't even talk to me when I engage in conversation with someone else I know or even say sorry if I bump into them or thank you if I help them with something. Men and the elderly have been more kinder which I can't believe I am saying this but I prefer to be around at least for now.

 

[Judge]

I can't believe I am saying this but this week except for the one instant of the woman buying my soda single and otherwise woman have been snobs to me all week barely or flat right ignoring me even right next to me and won't even talk to me when I engage in conversation with someone else I know or even say sorry if I bump into them or thank you if I help them with something. Men and the elderly have been more kinder which I can't believe I am saying this but I prefer to be around at least for now.

Indeed. It's often how we think. From one extreme to another. Especially if it can be rationalized in our own hearts and minds.

But then part of me wants to smirk in agreement. Especially when I look back at my life in my old age and realize that as an adult, virtually all my chosen socialization was with women and not men. Go figure.

Oh yeah. All the bullies of my childhood were males. Never females. Maybe that plays heavily into it all on some subconscious level.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

As I said males physically hurt me and hurt me with there words.

Women then and to this day still ostracizing me by ignoring me hurting me remember that but never by words or physically.

 

[Aspychata]

Think also where you live plays into this. Some states were just horrible for me. Then l spent almost two years in Cali, and met super nice people. I have met some really outstanding people in FL. Usually they are from other states. It could just be where OP lives, not a reflection of them.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

As I said in my trauma dump I am stuck in New York with no travel plans at all. I blew the only travel to California with my new church because I got there too late. I would have to join early in the year, but I was doing good with my old church then.

 

[Jumpinbare]

As I said in my trauma dump I am stuck in New York with no travel plans at all. I blew the only travel to California with my new church because I got there too late. I would have to join early in the year, but I was doing good with my old church then.

Sorry that happened.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Sorry that happened.

Story of my life.

 

[Hypnalis]

Story of my life.

Do you want the past to be a guide for your future, or to take this opportunity to transcend it?

There may never have been a better opportunity for you to work on your social skills in your entire live.
Even starting when you're in a mildly "down cycle" is better than the reverse.

A key requirement for an adult to learn something (**) is that they understand they need/want the knowledge/skill, and they accept they can't do it alone.
If an adult doesn't commit, they can (and do) sabotage their own learning process. But the reverse also applies: a committed student learns far more effectively than a "neutral" one.

(**) the exception to the "must understand and be motivated" is cults and such things, that manipulate people into various kinds of self-harm. This is actually very common these days but there are few traces of it in AF.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I broke down a few times at my Thursday life group yesterday, I always been close to them and I am still in their group even though I changed churches. I told them about how I felt how I new women who are not in relationships or elderly now hate me and that the curse seems back from 1995-2000, 2003-2019, 2024 Present and they assured me it was all in my mind even though all the past signs were there.

I also said I might go on one local retreat and I will going away with my parents to the Poconos at a hotel for a few days. Still not a California or London trip I dream of but I feel those are impossible because I am always missing deadlines or never invited ever.

 

[jsilver256]

I broke down a few times at my Thursday life group yesterday, I always been close to them and I am still in their group even though I changed churches. I told them about how I felt how I new women who are not in relationships or elderly now hate me and that the curse seems back from 1995-2000, 2003-2019, 2024 Present and they assured me it was all in my mind even though all the past signs were there.

Tony, I don't know the focus of this life group, but I've never attended a church group (or even any other kind of group) where this would be appropriate conversation.

I'll say it bluntly. Trauma dumping pushes people away. This behavior is likely at the root of what you perceive as rejection. You need to stop trauma dumping with anyone outside your family. You need to find a therapist. Quickly.