Can We Truly Be Our Authentic Self?

[rach3rd]

So,...you've been professionally tested and diagnosed,...or took some on-line test(s)?

Yes, I was professionally tested and diagnosed, ADOS-2. Thanks for your information.

 

[Au Naturel]

I'm

I was just diagnosed with autism today. I have been reading and of course "obsessing" about the topic since I first got a high score on an online test. I am married to a NT partner with two kids. I am just now learning a lot of the "lingo". One of the things that I am most concerned about is being able to live my life in an authentic way. It seems disclosing the news to others can be a tricky thing and can backfire. Any suggestions are welcome.

I'm not sure an "authentic" self exists. "You" are a combination of what you bring to the game and what the world brings to you. Who you are is subjective.

Who you are changes with every new experience. Who you are changes as time progresses. To some extent, we are prisoners of biology but even that can be changed. Everyone has different faces we present to the world depending on the environment. There is more agency in creating yourself than many want to admit. There are bits that resist change no matter how hard we try.

The hallmark of the human species is its ability to adapt to fit the current environment. As I mentioned in another post, one can be a cold calculating business person, a tender and loving parent, a ferocious sex machine, and an intellectual philosopher all on the same day. All of them are you. Stick you in a different place and you could become a warrior and that warrior could turn into a coward. They are all you, as well as any other modes you might flip into.

 

[Richelle-H]

Yet another with a fixation on a Russian Composer. Mine started at an early age, as my mother used Tchaikovsky's March Slave and 1812 Overture to get me to go to sleep as a toddler.

Anyway, I tell everyone I meet that I am HFA and explain it if I have to. I have lived through too much misunderstanding and trauma to hold back anymore. Maybe that will come to you in time. Each of us must deal with it as best we can.

It always amazes me how little is understood by the general public, and that is why I make a point at education whenever I get into a conversation with someone I have never met before. It allows me to avoid a situation where I cannot be myself and feel comfortable.

Not suggesting this approach to you, just demonstrating the wide variance in dealing with ASD.

I hope that your life opens up and improves for you.

 

[James45]

I have only disclosed to about three people, I fear judgement from others and see it as an unesscessary revealing of my personal life.

Without a doubt my diagnosis has enabled me to live more authentically, I now respect my own preferences and quirks and recognise them as important, whereas before I felt they were to be overcome or fixed.

Respecting and acknowledging my social challenges has been huge, I have tried to fight them for 40 years and now I have stopped. My sensory issues I now respect and manage boundaries with them.

I acknowledge I need lots of time to 'cool down' after overstimulation.

So now I am returning to my child state of authentic me, slowly putting aside the constant negating of my true character. Finally I am becoming more autistic!

And with this, most vitally my chronic stress is decreasing and hopefully the depressive behaviour will ease up over time.

Once in this healthier state, I believe I will have the grounding to process the multitude of secondary issues and trauma which I have been exposed to...whereas before the whole thing was so confusing now at least there is a little clarity.

Only 1 year since diagnosis...

 

[Martha Ferris]

Well I just came out to my family and the response was along the same lines of all the responses that they have made concerning me in the past. Nothing new there.
But the effect of learning that I am on the spectrum has been life changing for me. It has been profound. It has set me free. It has spun my perspective 180 degrees. It is a whole new world and I am looking at that world with different eyes.
I masked so heavily in my life just to fit in and to function in the NT world it was suffocating. I was in prison. I repeatedly twisted myself into a pretzel to do it. It created most of my social anxiety. Most of the "I am not good enough" and hide, hide, hide. The social anxiety is pretty much gone now. This week I approached my monthly shopping with anticipation rather than with dread. It stopped being about "there is something wrong with me and I have to fix it or hide it" and "who is going to notice and judge me" to being about "I was born different and that is OK". Now I am just going to be myself and do what makes me happy without worrying about what others think. I am living my truth. I am exploring new open avenues of interest and enjoyment. New possibilities. New ways to be creative. I find that I am finally happy for days and not just moments in time. I am not going to mask anymore and with my family I say suck it up cupcake! This is how I am, there is a valid reason for it and just accept it or not. I don't care.
I want to tell one of my former bosses about my being on the spectrum but I don't think it would matter to her and that she would think it is weird if I contacted her after 10 years. She always wondered why I was the way I was though. I want to yell "See! This is why!!!!"