Can you look into your own eyes?

[crisscross]

Dear Community,

hereby I adress all aspies who read my thread:

I read that it is an asperger trait not to be able to hold long eye contact with other people.

How is it to look into your own eyes in the mirror. Can you do that for a long time? How you feel about it?

Could that be a feasable training method to make eye contact with other people endure longer?

I hope you don't find this question weird

CrissCross

 

[Suzanne]

Very interesting question actually. For me personally, no, because I get the same reaction I would when I have to look someone else in the eyes; it becomes too surreal and I have to turn away!

Some days are worse than other days; some days I can hold a gaze, until I become aware of it and then start to panic.

I suppose it is like looking into the person's very essense of life and I can't cope with the enormous stress it has on my brain.

I also do not like being looked at and will get into a major panic. Not even can my husband look at me ie observe me, for I suddenly feel that I have a spot light on me and want to run away.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I don't have trouble making eye contact, they are just balls of organic matter and goo, so it doesn't make me uncomfortable or anything. I only have trouble knowing how long to make eye contact for, in order to appear engaged in the conversation but without staring, and remembering to do so to begin with. I don't think practising making eye contact with myself in the mirror would help with that.

 

[clg114]

It does not bother me to look into someone's eyes, or my own. I just do not do it unless I make a conscious effort to. I do not know why I am like that, just one of my Aspie ways I suppose. Over the years, I have found that if you do not look "most people" in the eyes, they think that you are not listening to them. If I am having a important conversation with someone, I make sure that I look them in the eyes.

 

[Mia]

Hi CrissCross,

I do that in general, usually to calm myself, all the while talking to my reflection in a logical manner. It helps me to function better during stressful situations.

As for whether it would help with eye contact with other people, perhaps.

 

[Cali Cat]

I'm another one who isn't necessarily put off by looking in the eyes of another anymore, though I was as a child. I just don't remember to do it without conscious thought, and then I feel a bit uncomfortable sometimes because I'm suddenly self-conscious about how long to maintain eye contact. I'm usually looking at a person's mouth moving as they speak. I've found that makes it easier to shoot glances to their eyes periodically.

I also don't look people in the eyes when I'm speaking. It breaks my concentration.

I'm not sure whether the exercise you suggest would improve any of that, but it might be worth a try.

 

[buttercuplols]

I look at the seperate parts as I put make up on eg eyelids, lashes, brows, lips and then look at my whole face at the end and I feel like it's someone else familiar as opposed to me. It's weird!

 

[Judge]

It's a "skill" I had to learn when still a child. When my father simply told me I had to look into a person's eyes or I might otherwise be treated as if I was being dishonest. However I'm always very conscious of it when I do. I just try to limit my gaze whenever I'm addressing someone in particular. I suppose I'll never actually be "comfortable" doing so.

Though using contact lenses for about ten years made looking at my own eyes no big deal.

 

[Tom]

I haven't really analyzed my eye contact issues (I do avoid it mostly), but the first thing that occurs to me is that it contributes to overwhelming my senses, making me uncomfortable.

I get a lot of input from people's eyes, real or imagined. It often is at variance or different from what the conversation is and gets me wondering. So I look down or away and focus instead on what is said alone.

P.S. Its not difficult to look into my own eyes though. I think that is because when I look in a mirror I automatically go into vanity mode, and so my head is empty and there is nothing to read in them.

 

[Astroganga]

No problem with looking into my own eyes, just other people's.

 

[Kupu2]

I can't look into my own eyes. It freaks me out no end. All I see is emptiness.

 

[Flinty]

Only if I'm in the mood to do one specific thing: see what colour my eyes are at that particular time. People have come close to blows over it - whether they're blue (which is what my license says), green, or even grey at any given time.

 

[FreeDiver]

No problem with looking into my own eyes, just other people's.

Same here! The only thing that really limits me from doing it for any length of time, is just getting board or psychical endurance. But I think anyone would agree on that.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I have a hard time looking myself in the eyes in a mirror.

I don't remember if I struggled with eye contact when I was kid...probably didn't talk with people enough for it to be an issue. At home, I tended to avoid eye contact to show submission (dysfunctional family) and try to avoid drawing attention to myself.

As an adult, I trained myself to make decent eye contact during conversations, but it's always another factor that must be managed, just like managing my facial expressions or posture or body language or tone of voice. And it requires erecting a conscious barrier to the intimacy of that experience, or looking just off-center at another part of the person's face.

But when I'm letting myself look wherever I want, I still tend to glance at the person's eyes frequently, and then glance away again immediately. I do this because I need to read their face. If they're looking at me, I can't hold their gaze, but if they're looking away, it doesn't bother me to keep looking at their face/eyes.

I rarely look at my self in the mirror. I might look at different parts, like when drying my hair or putting on mascara (the only make-up I usually wear, since my eyelashes are so light). But I don't usually gaze into my eyes, and actually I prefer to avoid doing that.

 

[Andrew206]

I can look into my own eyes. I can do so in the mirror and when I'm making videos on YouTube and Vimeo. I feel a little anxious when I try to look at my own eyes, but it becomes less anxious every time I do it.

 

[Judge]

I can look into my own eyes. I can do so in the mirror and when I'm making videos on YouTube and Vimeo. I feel a little anxious when I try to look at my own eyes, but it becomes less anxious every time I do it.

That's a whole other thing! Just having a camera functioning in front of me can be a strange experience. I never really thought about it until my employer did a corporate video where we had to be a part of it. My supervisor was like a deer in the headlights. Poor thing...she could barely speak when the camera was on. She couldn't get past a terrible wooden performance.

Admirable quality that some of you here are quite effective with video. Well done.

 

[Coupe]

This is a very good question, crisscross ....I never really thought about it before, but yes, I actually do find it easier to look into my own eyes (in front of a mirror/reflective surface) than I do other people's. I wonder why that is...maybe it's because when another person is speaking to/looking at someone, that person need to somehow try to decipher what their eyes are telling them (apparently it's not enough that we need to decipher words/tones/body language all at the same time, as well...enough never seems to be enough) as well. I tend not to experience that sort of anxiety when I'm simply looking myself in the eyes in a mirror.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I have no problem looking at my own eyes in a mirror.

 

[robertsomerville]

Making eye contact is very uncomfortable for me but boo hoo
I only stare into a person's eye when I feel aggressive

 

[Adora]

I can look into my eyes in a mirror but I have issues looking into other people's eyes its always been a issue for me