Can't Describe Feelings in Spoken Words?

[zozie]

Yeah no good at it either. Certain emotional triggers in TV awkward ones and yelling can trigger them. Driving my control out as they pour in. The inevitable what's wrong comes up.
Sounds like I've got a speech impediment trying describe it.

Even though my reaction to emotions isn't quite the same as yours, I definitely relate to noticing how one's speech is hindered even trying to describe the process, nevermind the emotions themselves. It makes me wonder how much we really know about how introspective and self-aware autists are. Maybe not in some ways, but very much so in others.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

"Why can't I describe feelings as spoken words?" Not to minimize the question or any concerns one may have, but I think if you asked anyone in the general population to describe any specific emotion, it would be quite challenging. Many a romantic story line is one, the other, or both initially confused, but finally coming to the realization that they are in love with each other. "What does love feel like?" "What does anxiety feel like?" "What does happiness feel like?" I think one would receive a long list of answers for each of these questions. Personally, I feel emotions deeply,...a significant physiological reaction occurs,...it is varying depending upon the specific emotion,...but to try to describe it would be quite difficult to me. Sure, I think I have a good idea of when I am feeling simple emotions,...happiness, sadness, anger, etc., but more complex emotions like depression, anxiety, embarrassment, etc., is when things get a bit nebulous. More to the point of the question and within the context and perspective of my own experience as an autistic individual,...in general,...I do not like to feel my emotions. Emotions, for me, cloud my mind and usually make me "fall of the rails" in terms of my thinking and behavior. I have never,...never,...had a good experience "letting myself go" either voluntarily or not, with me showing emotions. Personally, I think it has to do with an apparent inability to modulate them appropriately within a social environment. When I am angry, sad, happy, etc....it is all or nothing,...and it quickly becomes a negative situation. So, for me, I am consciously trying to be emotionally neutral throughout the day,...it works for me,...but to others it appears as a relatively flat affect, perhaps depression, "I don't have a sense of humor.", "resting ***** face", seriousness, etc. When I do crack a joke or comment, it appears rather "dry", to the point where neurotypicals may not understand that it was a joke, and give me a judgmental comment like, "Are you serious?" Then me having to explain "No, you "fruitloop", I wasn't. It was a joke." Having said all that, it is recognized that any emotional state one feels may actually be a mixture of emotions,...which would confuse anyone,...but to the autistic, it appears even more so. Trying to isolate and hold a specific emotion long enough to identify it and describe it,...very difficult,...but realistically, is it necessary? I know, perhaps, you may interact with someone who says, "How did that make you feel?", thinking that somehow this will open the door to a much more meaningful conversation. I can tell you from 33 years of marriage,...my wife and I have learned not to try to have those questions and conversations as it frustratingly becomes a "dead end".

 

[zozie]

"Why can't I describe feelings as spoken words?" Not to minimize the question or any concerns one may have, but I think if you asked anyone in the general population to describe any specific emotion, it would be quite challenging. Many a romantic story line is one, the other, or both initially confused, but finally coming to the realization that they are in love with each other. "What does love feel like?" "What does anxiety feel like?" "What does happiness feel like?" I think one would receive a long list of answers for each of these questions. Personally, I feel emotions deeply,...a significant physiological reaction occurs,...it is varying depending upon the specific emotion,...but to try to describe it would be quite difficult to me. Sure, I think I have a good idea of when I am feeling simple emotions,...happiness, sadness, anger, etc., but more complex emotions like depression, anxiety, embarrassment, etc., is when things get a bit nebulous. More to the point of the question and within the context and perspective of my own experience as an autistic individual,...in general,...I do not like to feel my emotions. Emotions, for me, cloud my mind and usually make me "fall of the rails" in terms of my thinking and behavior. I have never,...never,...had a good experience "letting myself go" either voluntarily or not, with me showing emotions. Personally, I think it has to do with an apparent inability to modulate them appropriately within a social environment. When I am angry, sad, happy, etc....it is all or nothing,...and it quickly becomes a negative situation. So, for me, I am consciously trying to be emotionally neutral throughout the day,...it works for me,...but to others it appears as a relatively flat affect, perhaps depression, "I don't have a sense of humor.", "resting ***** face", seriousness, etc. When I do crack a joke or comment, it appears rather "dry", to the point where neurotypicals may not understand that it was a joke, and give me a judgmental comment like, "Are you serious?" Then me having to explain "No, you "fruitloop", I wasn't. It was a joke." Having said all that, it is recognized that any emotional state one feels may actually be a mixture of emotions,...which would confuse anyone,...but to the autistic, it appears even more so. Trying to isolate and hold a specific emotion long enough to identify it and describe it,...very difficult,...but realistically, is it necessary? I know, perhaps, you may interact with someone who says, "How did that make you feel?", thinking that somehow this will open the door to a much more meaningful conversation. I can tell you from 33 years of marriage,...my wife and I have learned not to try to have those questions and conversations as it frustratingly becomes a "dead end".

I do agree that neurotypicals seem to be a lot less proficient at the very things they accuse us of being deficient in (e.g. identifying and expressing complex emotions in the moment). The rom com plot is a great example. And you make a great point about pinning down an emotion long enough to identify it. I'm not sure they can be pinned down at all, so maybe it's just feeling a lot of feelings all at once and not being able to identify what's going on because things are so busy and in flux.

Personally, I'm still invested in trying to identify and communicate my emotions, but I can see how it might be a futile task as well.

 

[halfasped]

Zero ability to identify let alone verbalize 'feeling' in real time. Except happy, nice, a feeling from the list of 'acceptable' feelings i suppose. An image that pops into mind is as close to a feeling as it gets. PICTURE a large group of chameleons on a tree branch all green and blending except one which is bright yellow with a few blue specks.

This image means too many things to list. Obviously the bright yellow one with a few blue flecks sticks out in every way. Predators can see it, so can potential prey. It is not aware it is yellow but is aware it is not green. Not having been green, has no concept of how to be green, but in a green tree 'feels' more demand to be green (or yellow less often). Must navigate yellow life FROM A GREEN POINT OF VIEW.

Can't blame the green one's for not understanding, really don't. It's not like they know how it feels to be ONLY yellow with blue flecks. They are green, blue AND yellow make green. Green cannot feel yellow or blue in isolation. Yellow with blue flecks becomes a 'spectrum'. Green is also a spectrum but we don't say that.

The bright yellow who can homogenize it's blue flecks is green. Bright yellow who cannot does feel green where the bright yellow meets the blue flecks. Albeit without answers, has to continually explain (if in a green tree vs. a green tree with yellow flowers).

In this image, blue=ability to identify feelings and state them. Blue can=anything naturally blended for those who are more socially instinctive or nt or whatnot.

Hope this resonates. I have very much enjoyed so many of the things you've said Zozie. Thank you for that. Maybe lacking affect is better than RBF (restingbitchface). Hard to say! A bit unsure if I even remained on topic which is why your TIDAL WAVE image makes way more sense than feeling words.

 

[zozie]

Zero ability to identify let alone verbalize 'feeling' in real time. Except happy, nice, a feeling from the list of 'acceptable' feelings i suppose. Giving an analogy or an image that pops into mind is as close to a feeling as it gets. PICTURE a large group of chameleons on a tree branch all green and blending except one which is bright yellow with a few blue specks.

This image means too many things to list. Obviously the bright yellow one with a few blue flecks sticks out in every way. Predators can see it, so can potential prey. It is not aware it is yellow but is aware it is not green. Not having been green, has no concept of how to be green, but in a green tree 'feels' more demand to be green (or yellow less often). To coexist it must navigate explaining yellow life FROM A GREEN POINT OF VIEW. Including why it doesn't just be green...bright yellow with a few blue flecks could be green if it really wanted to. Okaaaay?

Can't blame the green one's for not wanting a yellow around, really don't. It's not like they know how it feels to be ONLY yellow. They are green, blue AND yellow make green. Green cannot feel yellow or blue in isolation. Yellow with variation of blue flecks becomes a 'spectrum'. Green is also a spectrum but we don't say that.

The bright yellow knows how to homogenize it's blue flecks so it can be green. Does feel green where the bright yellow meets the blue flecks.

In this example, blue=ability to identify feelings and state them. Blue can=anything naturally blended for those who are more socially instinctive or nt or whatnot.

Hope this resonates. I have very much enjoyed so many of the things you've said Zozie. Thank you for that. Maybe lacking affect is better than RBF (restingbitchface). Hard to say! A bit unsure if I even remained on topic which is why your TIDAL WAVE image makes way more sense than feeling words.

Yes, it does resonate. All of the replies on this thread are really interesting, engaging, informative, and I've got a lot of thoughts about them and love hearing the different voices. The above analysis, however, has also sparked my philosophy brain, which is always a happy bonus, so thank you for that.

 

[Alexej]

I've heard of alexithymia but it's often described as crying for no apparent reason.

Now that’s a new definition to me

In my experience alexi is difficulty in naming and identifying feelings inter alia.

 

[zozie]

Now that’s a new definition to me

In my experience alexi is difficulty in naming and identifying feelings inter alia.

How interesting. I wonder if we have trouble describing the trouble we have describing feelings (inter alia). I came across this description when I was in a research rabbit hole and found the "crying for no apparent reason" the most common specific example used by autists, so I figured it was a common experience.

 

[halfasped]

Yes, it does resonate. All of the replies on this thread are really interesting, engaging, informative, and I've got a lot of thoughts about them and love hearing the different voices. The above analysis, however, has also sparked my philosophy brain, which is always a happy bonus, so thank you for that.

Smiling from ear to ear!

 

[Cosmus]

I also have this "difficulty".

It's just a thought, but is a difficulty to "name emotions on the spot in response to another person's expectations in a way that they will understand" not just related to where our attention is in any given moment...I have a wandering mind and I tend to be "off with the fairies in a different universe" for much of the day. Emotions, meanwhile, are closely tied to the physical sensations. Fear has physical characteristics, as do anger and joy. Because my attention is not on my body most of the time (I am off with the fairies when I am on my own, or spending all my attention on handling a social situation when I am with others), I have zero awareness of my emotions at that moment. When my attention does turn to my emotions, it turns fully to my emotions, and it is incredibly powerful, even awe-inspiring. This experience of emotion is so strong that I would challenge anyone to describe it well in words. Much better/safer to have these experiences in a quiet room, on your own!!

Don't forget, your emotions are for your benefit. Not others'. You do not have to share them. But if you can understand and enjoy/learn from them for yourself....

 

[Alexej]

How interesting. I wonder if we have trouble describing the trouble we have describing feelings (inter alia).

I like you point there @zozie . I sometimes feel like I need to explain to an nt how the Aspie world looks like. Which means I have to understand my experience, the nt experience and the explain, in nt to an nt, what the differences are like. (My head hurts now)

 

[zozie]

I like you point there @zozie . I sometimes feel like I need to explain to an nt how the Aspie world looks like. Which means I have to understand my experience, the nt experience and the explain, in nt to an nt, what the differences are like. (My head hurts now)

I can't tell you how many mental jumping jacks I've done trying to explain my experience to an NT in NT language, after first understanding it in my own words. I got so burned out I eventually quit trying, and you know what? I'm a lot more relaxed.

It's sometimes stressful to have a unique experience of the world and be met with others' responses, but it's always stressful to take on the legwork of all sides and try to communicate what half the people around you aren't even invested in knowing, anyway. I got really good at metaphor, though. Silver lining?

 

[Au Naturel]

I can tell when my cortisol levels spike, but I have no idea how I am feeling. I can't tell the difference among fear, anxiety, sorrow, excitement, or nervousness, if those are actually different. I know I am stressed. Later I can figure out what was going on, although I am not sure I can express what I was actually feeling or convey the feeling. I kind of have a binary state: stressed and not stressed. I wish I had more of the later.

You're feeling a cortisol spike. It is the same spike, regardless of the secondary trait of the emotion. Use the context of the situation to qualify it further. NTs feel the spike but tend to identify the emotion by the context.

 

[AutisticAstronaut]

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but I relate to this a lot. I've always has a hard time recognizing and describing my emotions, even when I really want/need to get that across. I think it's also hard because my emotions seem to be very on or off - either they're so strong it's difficult to process or I'm feeling nothing at all.