Even though he turned up a few minutes early, he had no opportunity to take his coat off (having just braved the elements), sit down for a moment and gather himself before going in. She was right there, introducing herself, and bringing him through.
She then proceeded to perform a little drama about whether the light was too bright, whether it should be on or off. For a moment it seemed possible that it might happen without it, and she did try it, but quickly decided she wouldn't be able to write properly. She put on a lamp to see if that would work; it had the dimmest bulb he'd ever seen in an office.
So in an attempt at getting on with things, he said he’d be fine, and just kept his eyes closed instead; the bright lights felt a little like being under a spotlight.
The office had three comfortable chairs, a desk with a computer, and something green that resembled a plant.
She launched into her spiel about what this was, and what he could expect from it. She spoke very quickly as she did so; used to saying these words that had become a part of her routine. So he stopped her, mid-sentence, and asked if it was possible for her to say these things as if it was the first time she was saying them. He explained that it was hard for him to follow what she said as it seemed so matter of fact and impersonal. She said she'd try, and then carried on pretty much as before.
He interrupted her again and asked if she might speak a little slower, which she did, and it helped, but soon carried on in a similar fashion once she got going again. He asked her two more times to slow down; she probably wasn't used to being dealt with this way, and this was when he discovered she was newly qualified. So he apologised if he'd caused her a problem. She said she could see she was in the habit of just rattling the introduction off. He appreciated her saying that and thanked her for doing so.
He asked for some water, which she had to leave the room to get. Once his mouth was in a usable state, he asked if it was possible to begin without just going through the questions first. If he was going to trust her and be comfortable revealing himself, he'd have to find a way to get through to her and hope she'd let him. He found her personality difficult to deal with, and there were several times when he felt her getting irritated by his interruptions.
He asked if she could just let him talk for a bit, to see where it went, without her interrupting. She was reluctant, but his explanation as to why seemed to make a difference, and so she agreed, and then immediately took it back as she started to impose structure and conditions again. It was like being in some kind of jousting match. He wasn't trying to be difficult, only explain what was going on for him, and he was well aware that she'd only just met him, and yet, as if a big complication had descended on her, he was interfering with her usual routine. He needed to feel he could talk to her. Would she go outside her training, go outside the box?
She started to run through the questions, saying that she'd let him speak after. She started with 'what do you feel is the problem that has brought you here today?’ He had no idea how to just answer that. He sat there, seeing if something might come; nothing did. He tried to say something, anything, just to start talking, and as he did, suddenly realised that if he did it her way, he'd end up spending all the remaining time answering her formal questions, rather than use the time to explore what was actually going on for him. He told her this, and it was like he'd caught her trying to manipulate him into doing it her way by stealthy means. She chuckled a little at having been 'found out'.
He asked her if he could reveal what was going on for him rather than just answer questions, and she again agreed. He still had his 'watering' eyes closed from the bright lights, so he knew he wouldn't be affected by her body language or any expression that might appear on her face. Yet, as he spoke, literally every few seconds, she made a noise: 'Uhumm! Uhumm!' It kept getting in the way.
He paused to explain how her noise was affecting him, and asked if it was possible for her to just listen to him without making it. She said she'd try, after having to explain why she did. He didn't need her confirmation/affirmation that she was listening in order to talk. Besides, when she reflected back to him some of what he said, she did for the most part reveal that she'd actually heard him quite well.
At no time did he feel he could relax with her. He felt a blocking sensation the whole time he was there, as if his energy was being channelled through something narrow and tight. He couldn't listen to the way she said things, and if she asked him something, that wasn't based on what he’d said, he had no idea how to respond to it.
Finally, she let him speak, and she was even able to stop her utterances (after a few more slipped out anyway), and he got to talk for a few minutes. He wasn't really aware of her during this, and just let out whatever came out. She did make a strange noise at some point, which caused him to stop, but she quickly excused herself, and he was able to carry on.
She stopped him for the final time as she said the session was now over. She told him there were a few times during his monologue when she'd wanted to ask something, but because she ‘couldn't’ interrupt, didn’t. He realised it might've been better if she had done, and told her so. He never saw her again.
She then proceeded to perform a little drama about whether the light was too bright, whether it should be on or off. For a moment it seemed possible that it might happen without it, and she did try it, but quickly decided she wouldn't be able to write properly. She put on a lamp to see if that would work; it had the dimmest bulb he'd ever seen in an office.
So in an attempt at getting on with things, he said he’d be fine, and just kept his eyes closed instead; the bright lights felt a little like being under a spotlight.
The office had three comfortable chairs, a desk with a computer, and something green that resembled a plant.
She launched into her spiel about what this was, and what he could expect from it. She spoke very quickly as she did so; used to saying these words that had become a part of her routine. So he stopped her, mid-sentence, and asked if it was possible for her to say these things as if it was the first time she was saying them. He explained that it was hard for him to follow what she said as it seemed so matter of fact and impersonal. She said she'd try, and then carried on pretty much as before.
He interrupted her again and asked if she might speak a little slower, which she did, and it helped, but soon carried on in a similar fashion once she got going again. He asked her two more times to slow down; she probably wasn't used to being dealt with this way, and this was when he discovered she was newly qualified. So he apologised if he'd caused her a problem. She said she could see she was in the habit of just rattling the introduction off. He appreciated her saying that and thanked her for doing so.
He asked for some water, which she had to leave the room to get. Once his mouth was in a usable state, he asked if it was possible to begin without just going through the questions first. If he was going to trust her and be comfortable revealing himself, he'd have to find a way to get through to her and hope she'd let him. He found her personality difficult to deal with, and there were several times when he felt her getting irritated by his interruptions.
He asked if she could just let him talk for a bit, to see where it went, without her interrupting. She was reluctant, but his explanation as to why seemed to make a difference, and so she agreed, and then immediately took it back as she started to impose structure and conditions again. It was like being in some kind of jousting match. He wasn't trying to be difficult, only explain what was going on for him, and he was well aware that she'd only just met him, and yet, as if a big complication had descended on her, he was interfering with her usual routine. He needed to feel he could talk to her. Would she go outside her training, go outside the box?
She started to run through the questions, saying that she'd let him speak after. She started with 'what do you feel is the problem that has brought you here today?’ He had no idea how to just answer that. He sat there, seeing if something might come; nothing did. He tried to say something, anything, just to start talking, and as he did, suddenly realised that if he did it her way, he'd end up spending all the remaining time answering her formal questions, rather than use the time to explore what was actually going on for him. He told her this, and it was like he'd caught her trying to manipulate him into doing it her way by stealthy means. She chuckled a little at having been 'found out'.
He asked her if he could reveal what was going on for him rather than just answer questions, and she again agreed. He still had his 'watering' eyes closed from the bright lights, so he knew he wouldn't be affected by her body language or any expression that might appear on her face. Yet, as he spoke, literally every few seconds, she made a noise: 'Uhumm! Uhumm!' It kept getting in the way.
He paused to explain how her noise was affecting him, and asked if it was possible for her to just listen to him without making it. She said she'd try, after having to explain why she did. He didn't need her confirmation/affirmation that she was listening in order to talk. Besides, when she reflected back to him some of what he said, she did for the most part reveal that she'd actually heard him quite well.
At no time did he feel he could relax with her. He felt a blocking sensation the whole time he was there, as if his energy was being channelled through something narrow and tight. He couldn't listen to the way she said things, and if she asked him something, that wasn't based on what he’d said, he had no idea how to respond to it.
Finally, she let him speak, and she was even able to stop her utterances (after a few more slipped out anyway), and he got to talk for a few minutes. He wasn't really aware of her during this, and just let out whatever came out. She did make a strange noise at some point, which caused him to stop, but she quickly excused herself, and he was able to carry on.
She stopped him for the final time as she said the session was now over. She told him there were a few times during his monologue when she'd wanted to ask something, but because she ‘couldn't’ interrupt, didn’t. He realised it might've been better if she had done, and told her so. He never saw her again.
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