Church and Autism

[AutisticMilly]

I’m an atheist, but I was raised Christian, and I go to church with my family on holidays to avoid scrutiny from my family. I remember as a kid I always hated church, and I still do. In retrospect, it’s an autistic nightmare: people wanting to shake your hand and making eye contact you as soon as you get in the door, loud music, not being able to stim through a service. I want to know if other people, atheist or not, feel the same way that I do about church.

 

[Magna]

I'm very similar to you. I don't go to church any longer but in retrospect there was never a time when I was happy (except when it was over), euphoric, etc because of going to church. And a big reason, some aspects which you pointed out, is the sensory assault: Loud, long, smelly (e.g. perfumes, colognes, laundry detergents, "dryer sheets", halitosis, the occasional extreme smoker who smells like they're dipped in ashtray juice), far too much distraction around for me to get anything from the service. Plus like you said, the shaking of a strangers hand only then to go up later to have a host placed in your unwashed hand or worse, receive the host "on the tongue" and then have the person dispensing the host accidentally touch your actual tongue with their fingers (after they probably did the same thing to others before you). When I did go to church I would try to "offer up" the experience as suffering rather than anything "good".

Once while traveling I noticed a flyer on a bulletin board in a gas station that was advertising some local church and said the church was "fragrance free". If only they were all like that.

 

[Kavigant]

I love church. I feel a genuine connection to the transcendence of God as well as to my faith community. And it helps my mental health to be awash in positivity during church.
The interactions with my community are fairly ritualized and very limited in scope and time, so I'm able to behave appropriately without stress. The fact that church services are the only social interactions I have probably helps. (Going to dinners or parties, which are much more unpredictable, are more difficult for me.)
My pastor is also aware of my challenges and extremely supportive.
I do often stim with a small fidget toy during services, though.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Christian means Christ-like, and I fall very short of that standard. While I have fully accepted Christ's teachings (love God, love others as myself), I have great difficulty being physically present in most churches for the same reasons mentioned above (handshakes, loudness, etc).
I tried wearing my t shirt that says "Don't touch me, I'm autistic" to two different churches recently. I kept my hands in my pockets entering and leaving. Still, people would look right at my shirt, then put a hand on my arm or shoulder. Two ladies actually hugged me. To be fair, I think they were trying to be kind and show me being touched wasn't bad.
As a kid and young adult, I found ways to slip in and out of the services unnoticed, and feigned distraction when I was noticed, but as I got older I saw that those techniques didn't work as well.
I began doing my own Bible study and worship time alone.
Since covid, so many churches now stream online services. That's probably the best option for many of us autistics.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I’m an atheist, but I was raised Christian, and I go to church with my family on holidays to avoid scrutiny from my family. I remember as a kid I always hated church, and I still do. In retrospect, it’s an autistic nightmare: people wanting to shake your hand and making eye contact you as soon as you get in the door, loud music, not being able to stim through a service. I want to know if other people, atheist or not, feel the same way that I do about church.

I don't understand the metaphysical. I don't like being around that many people. I don't have a problem with God, just the fan clubs. I would not consider myself an atheist, per se. I am spiritual in my own way, but I would never subscribe to any religion. My approach to these things is to just say, "I don't know enough about the topic to have any sort of understanding, comprehension, or opinion." My world operates on physics.

 

[ThanosTheDwarf]

I don't understand the metaphysical. I don't like being around that many people. I don't have a problem with God, just the fan clubs. I would not consider myself an atheist, per se. I am spiritual in my own way, but I would never subscribe to any religion. My approach to these things is to just say, "I don't know enough about the topic to have any sort of understanding, comprehension, or opinion." My world operates on physics.

Absolutely with you there - If I can't explain it with hard scientific facts, it doesn't exist (until it can be explained by said facts).
This does not mean I am against religion or faith (the latter way less than the former) and I support everyones freedom to practice their faith as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. For me, this never had any meaning (and there was an attempt made to raise myself Christian as well).

Re. Churches - I generally joke about spontaneously going up in flames if I enter a church but in all seriousness I can't stand it, the smells in particular. I go if I absolutely have to (funerals and weddings) but not without trepidation and requiring some alone-time after.

 

[Crossbreed]

It is a bit hit or miss for me. I have found some churches that are autism-friendly,* but many are not. We stopped going to the former because my ASD3 daughter randomly bites people and we cannot always see it coming.

*Here the churches we have found:

• Vineyard,
• Assembly of God,
• Foursquare Church

(Links above are locators.)
They are present in other countries, as well.

 

[Tom]

I'm Christian but have always had difficulty with attending services and church functions. I like the people but really have problems with the social aspects. I've sort of settled in to watching our service livestream and getting together with other member (or past member) couples one at a time. I usually enjoy one on one or two couples situations.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I don't get to church more than once a month, but when I go, I bring some kind of yarn project. I cannot focus on the pastor unless my hands are busy.

I used to bring playing cards for solitaire, but I'm worried that people would think me rude for playing a card game in a house of worship while the pastor is teaching.

If my hands are busy, I can hyperfocus on what I'm listening to. If my hands are still during church, my eyes stim on anything. I'll focus on the tree out the window as each leaf rustles in the wind, or the pattern in the carpet, people's gestures, a single raindrop as it struggles down the ripples in a stained glass window, etc, while imagining scenarios. And I won't hear a word that is spoken for however long I'm lost in space.

But put something in my hands, to work on, and I hear and remember nearly everything, hyperfocusing.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Very early on I recognized the Platonic underpinnings of religion and the bankruptcy of religious thought, essentially ever since I read Bertrand Russell's, Why I am Not a Christian. Since then I do not ever go into a church, and I really do not care about what other people think.

 

[Masked Man]

My parents always took me and my two siblings to church when we were young. I went to many different Sunday schools, then when I got older I was allowed to attend the adult service. When I got old enough, I started to notice how weird it seemed to me, although I went along with it because it was expected of me. For a while, I was a believer, I guess, but I think it was also because it was just expected of me and I didn't really question it or think about it. But the older I got and the more books I read, and the more people I spoke to, the weirder that it seemed to me. It wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, it just seemed... weird and fake - like all these people were spending a lot of time trying very hard to put on an act for everyone. Luckily for me my parents also dropped out of church but only because they just could not find the time to attend so then I didn't have to go anymore.

 

[Magna]

If my hands are busy, I can hyperfocus on what I'm listening to.

So many ND kids are incorrectly labeled as "doodlers" in school for the same reason and punished for it. At least that used to be the case when I was a kid.

 

[Crossbreed]

...I bring some kind of yarn project. I cannot focus on the pastor unless my hands are busy.

Is your church cool with that?

 

[Jumpinbare]

So many ND kids are incorrectly labeled as "doodlers" in school for the same reason and punished for it. At least that used to be the case when I was a kid.

wow. I never connected this with stimming. I doodled a lot. Not artwork like some of my friends could do. I drew electronic schematics.

 

[Fino]

I am a devout Christian, and I hate church.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Is your church cool with that?

I never ask. I just pull it out and move my fingers, applying weft to warp, while listening to every word.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I’m an atheist, but I was raised Christian, and I go to church with my family on holidays to avoid scrutiny from my family. I remember as a kid I always hated church, and I still do. In retrospect, it’s an autistic nightmare: people wanting to shake your hand and making eye contact you as soon as you get in the door, loud music, not being able to stim through a service. I want to know if other people, atheist or not, feel the same way that I do about church.

I like church in terms of I like the customs and traditions.
Like I think it could modernise a bit and be a bit more of a positive place of rejoicing and worshipping instead of so solemn
Different churches obviously have different traditions.
Australian ministers are obviously very good here, very non prejudice a lot of people I see and welcoming and humble.
But I could never go to heaven if it only fit one group of people and good people were not there because they did not know faith in terms of hero's who died etc and that is just honest.
So that is why I do not go
But I think yes the progression in faith is making all people feel welcome and good enough no matter what their personal beliefs are and whether they enjoy reading the bible or not because it is a big book and some people may not really get it maybe those people just need to talk to God or just feel his presence or pray
And have their relationship with God.
just bible scripture may not speak to everyone and that is ok.
But I feel like church is a very nice place and always loved going.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I

Is your church cool with that?

I could not understand a church that was not cool with playing with a toy or doing something with your hands while at your service
Because that is way too judgmental and strict for me.
As long as you try not to be too noisy that may annoy some people
But you go for worship not to be bible bashed with strictness.
Christians are told not to be too judgmental so it is too judgmental to judge that.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I

I could not understand a church that was not cool with playing with a toy or doing something with your hands while at your service
Because that is way too judgmental and strict for me.
As long as you try not to be too noisy that may annoy some people
But you go for worship not to be bible bashed with strictness.
Christians are told not to be too judgmental so it is too judgmental to judge that.

Your mileage may vary. There are probably churches out there that would be bothered by that, or at least have individuals bothered by it. Clearly shouldn't be the case, but some people stay immature about that sort of thing.

 

[Sherlock77]

I am active in my church, attending most Sunday's

I have also been going to the same church since I was eight years old, and I'm over 50 now, I have no real social issues, there are some other people who have been there as long as I have

Being a Baptist church it's more informal than liturgical churches

As for my Autism, I have always felt accepted, and I wasn't even diagnosed until 2020, so most of my life I went there without any specific knowledge...