Clinical depression on top of being on the spectrum.

[Metalhead]

These days, in my life, I have no real reasons to feel this deep depression. Yet it is always there, anyway. I feel like sleeping way too often. I feel like isolating from the world and looking for connections online instead of getting out into the world. I feel like being counterproductive to my growth.

Clinical depression is very much a beast to me.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Well, actually, you do have reasons to feel depression, if you are autistic. Autism is one of the low-dopamine neurological conditions. There are at least 3 known genetic mutations in autism that affect dopamine production and turnover. It is, in part, the reason for why little "slights" against us can hit us so hard and push us into those depressive moods, low self-esteem, rumination, self-deprecation, etc. The neurophysiology can be complex. For some, the underlying mechanism is low brain serotonin binding and turnover creating a downstream low dopamine, for others, it's those gene mutations affecting dopamine, itself. The bottom line is that some of us, like me, may simply have a "flat affect", perhaps a mild "funk", and it doesn't seem to be in the realm of "clinical depression" per se, and there are others, that it really hits them hard, sometimes to the point of suicidal ideation. I couldn't imagine the depths some people live in. Those feelings are real, brother, but do know there is a reason for it. I wish there was some magic wave of the wand to make it all go away.

 

[Shamar]

These days, in my life, I have no real reasons to feel this deep depression. Yet it is always there, anyway. I feel like sleeping way too often. I feel like isolating from the world and looking for connections online instead of getting out into the world. I feel like being counterproductive to my growth.

Clinical depression is very much a beast to me.

I have lived my entire life in depression. Yearly lows during the holiday season (I've written about this), sometimes pretty good (during some exploration projects). But depression has always been there in the background, setting my mood, often controlling what I do and how I think. Antidepressants have never really worked, and most scare me, so I don't take any. I will never forget the sudden wave of anxiety that came over me when I forgot to take it one day. I managed to wean myself off and have not taken any since.

I know and have experienced what you are feeling. I wish there was a magic wand myself to fix it. I can't tell you what to do, that is entirely your decision, but you are not alone.