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Communication conflicts

Chance

Chance

"all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien
V.I.P Member
It seems this is one of those weeks where my even exiting seems to be some issue at any level.

I may get “written up” at work for my failure to communicate. I apparently deeply offended a person who feels I was arrogant and ignoring them. I have never gotten in trouble, so i’m Sort of sick deep inside. : (

Demanding communication is an area I suck at. This person was very angry, very forceful, and demanding her situation be fixed as she approached me and immediate action was demanded...

I was already working on 5 situations and I am awful at multi tasking. This lady got belligerent with me and I basically switched off on her, to keep from going off on her like Hiroshima.

She went to my Superiors and got high handed using her power and money (her status) as a whip to crack...

The wildest part of this whole thing is... I was being screamed at for her personal problem that had no thing to do with my job at any level... I was told she said, “Teach your puppet how to communicate when he is addressed.” Wow, that makes me feel real positive about any future dealings with her. I don’t think she likes me much.

It was not that I didn’t want to help her, or care... I was already over loaded with basically more than I could handle, but now she has involved the Board to straighten me out or else.

I think I must be from some other galaxy. It’s like I cant do anything right no matter how hard I try... But the good stuff I do, the thousands of situations I have handled... No one ever seems to even notice.

Maybe someday I will understand this life, but then again maybe not.

Sorry to vent, just lost in a situation I don’t understand as usual. Anyone have some antidote for ASD? I’m kidding I know there isn’t one, but maybe someone might help me learn how to better handle angry people... : )
 
I have no idea what the “hatb” is in the title... Sorry, I didn’t see it an it wont let me delete it...
 
She sounds like she was the one who was totally inappropriate not only for being demanding and screaming at you but also for a personal problem that had nothing to do with your job. Don't own the blame here or you will make yourself the victim.
 
Chance said:
It seems this is one of those weeks where my even exiting seems to be some issue at any level.

I may get “written up” at work for my failure to communicate. I apparently deeply offended a person who feels I was arrogant and ignoring them. I have never gotten in trouble, so i’m Sort of sick deep inside. : (

Demanding communication is an area I suck at. This person was very angry, very forceful, and demanding her situation be fixed as she approached me and immediate action was demanded...

I was already working on 5 situations and I am awful at multi tasking. This lady got belligerent with me and I basically switched off on her, to keep from going off on her like Hiroshima.

She went to my Superiors and got high handed using her power and money (her status) as a whip to crack...

The wildest part of this whole thing is... I was being screamed at for her personal problem that had no thing to do with my job at any level... I was told she said, “Teach your puppet how to communicate when he is addressed.” Wow, that makes me feel real positive about any future dealings with her. I don’t think she likes me much.

It was not that I didn’t want to help her, or care... I was already over loaded with basically more than I could handle, but now she has involved the Board to straighten me out or else.

I think I must be from some other galaxy. It’s like I cant do anything right no matter how hard I try... But the good stuff I do, the thousands of situations I have handled... No one ever seems to even notice.

Maybe someday I will understand this life, but then again maybe not.

Sorry to vent, just lost in a situation I don’t understand as usual. Anyone have some antidote for ASD? I’m kidding I know there isn’t one, but maybe someone might help me learn how to better handle angry people... : )
Click to expand...
I have found this to be a recurring theme that has created much strife for me at times.
When I first started in the rat-race that is manual labor for cash, I was stunned by this the first time it happened. Then, it happened again, and then again. Despite my best efforts to improve my performance, this occurred regularly, though not frequently. These judgements STUNG.
I always analyzed my efficiency, accuracy, speed, time management, prioritization, and outcomes.
I NEVER found them lacking.
Quite the contrary, I found that I excelled in any given position, far outstripping most/all other similar employees by a CRAZY factor.
I spent YEARS, doubling and redoubling my efforts to learn quicker, find more creative solutions, diagnose quicker and more accurately; in short, active FANATICISM about improving my performance IN EVERYTHING, IN EVERY JOB. By the age of thirty, I could slide into any unfamiliar, highly technical jobs, fix nearly ANYTHING, and do it better, faster, more accurate than two or three people, together, on their best days.
STILL, this beration and complaining continued.
Over time, I finally came to the conclusion that many people have no problem complaining about performance, regardless of the truth of the matter or how good the performance actually is, in an effort to get even MORE.
Complaining this way does very little to spur your average worker, but for those of us with a very strong work ethic, and high production already, this type of boss stands to gain a great deal of added value by "tricking" us into believing that our performance is unsatisfactory.
There are simply those who are so unethical, so cruel, that they are willing to give you unending criticism and complaints (resulting in EXACTLY the type of suffering you are experiencing right now) in exchange for an improvement, both for the company's profit, and their own bottom line.
People like us tend to take those criticisms very seriously, and work tirelessly to improve.
As for the lady:
I have found many people to be rather egocentric. This lady may (or may not) have been having a terrible day. She wanted what she wanted RIGHT NOW. This is immature(and unhealthy), and unrealistic on so many levels, I honestly don't know where to start. She was wrong, assuming that her position doesn't make her a priority.

I have, for some time now, if this type of employer "hounding degradation" occurs, been calm and steady and certain, and HELD MY GROUND. I do not raise my voice or say anything outlandish. I tell them steadily and firmly what I have taken on, what I have accomplished, and given examples of other employees accomplishing far less with no similar complaints. I usually remind them that my performance is more than adequate given the current circumstances, ask them if they wish to change my priorities, and then finally, if they wish for a different employee to take over for me.This is almost always the end of their bluff, and they calm down at the prospect of another employee attempting to do better. This will be proof positive that you were correct, and that they were attempting to mislead you. KNOW YOUR POWER. Wield it with humility and dignity.
You are NOT someone's punching bag.
And if this does not make your working situation better, do not be afraid to go. If you cannot create a better working situation, FIND a better working situation.
There are also many people and companies out there who DO value employees and their contribution, where one can thrive and be valued. Do NOT feel trapped. It may take a couple of different jobs to find a good one, but a rewarding, satisfying job is well worth the trouble.
I hope this helps.
Edit-- It has just occurred to me that these exact occurrences were actually the source material for the current quote on my avatar...
 
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How rude that lady is!!! Some people just have an inflated sense of their own importance, think that they are entitled to everything and that everyone owes them, and that they can treat people badly.
 
“Teach your puppet how to communicate”

Wow. Snotty cow.
Rude. !!


It’s not so bad on that other galaxy Chance, fewer irritants :)

I’m not sure this is a situation you can control.

You can only control your own reactions.

Just because one person (who barely knows you) makes a judgement on you,
Doesn’t make that judgement or opinion truth.

They’re just words. They hold no power until you believe them.
 
She sounds an arrogant person who cant cope with being ignored. Only thing you could have done is ask her to wait, please, and that would likely have had same result. It's not you, it's her. They must be able to tell from the phrase quoted that there's something deeply unreasonable about her and that she is a mean bully. This is just something to move on from caring about. In my workplace we have notices up about the workers having a right to be dealt with respectfully, and maybe this is a suggestion you can make?
 
Well I like her.

:)

My guess is everyone thinks she is an idiot.

But they have to follow a 'procedure'

Depending on her 'power' or status this will likely result in a written 'fudge'
Meaning they can say to her you were admonished so she will go away .

You can perhaps accept the NT fudge of ''rude"


Mitigating circumstances
: Hatb
Hot and tired biatches.

Ie explain the business of chance.

I presume you'll be writing stuff down ahead of the meeting they'll invent for you.

Gives everyone an easy out but also depends on how often this woman turns up..
Which means a more solid defence us required .

Will those in the meeting be impressed by juggling?
Let's hope so!
 
Of course an a Capella version of

'i hope that one day that you say you'll be mine'
I'm you're puppet on a string..

Sandi Shaw.

If you take cruel words to heart it means the terrorists win...
 
Chance said:
It seems this is one of those weeks where my even exiting seems to be some issue at any level.

I may get “written up” at work for my failure to communicate. I apparently deeply offended a person who feels I was arrogant and ignoring them. I have never gotten in trouble, so i’m Sort of sick deep inside. : (

Demanding communication is an area I suck at. This person was very angry, very forceful, and demanding her situation be fixed as she approached me and immediate action was demanded...

I was already working on 5 situations and I am awful at multi tasking. This lady got belligerent with me and I basically switched off on her, to keep from going off on her like Hiroshima.

She went to my Superiors and got high handed using her power and money (her status) as a whip to crack...

The wildest part of this whole thing is... I was being screamed at for her personal problem that had no thing to do with my job at any level... I was told she said, “Teach your puppet how to communicate when he is addressed.” Wow, that makes me feel real positive about any future dealings with her. I don’t think she likes me much.

It was not that I didn’t want to help her, or care... I was already over loaded with basically more than I could handle, but now she has involved the Board to straighten me out or else.

I think I must be from some other galaxy. It’s like I cant do anything right no matter how hard I try... But the good stuff I do, the thousands of situations I have handled... No one ever seems to even notice.

Maybe someday I will understand this life, but then again maybe not.

Sorry to vent, just lost in a situation I don’t understand as usual. Anyone have some antidote for ASD? I’m kidding I know there isn’t one, but maybe someone might help me learn how to better handle angry people... : )
Click to expand...

I'm sorry that you had to experience this. You don't need to be sorry for venting. You are quite compassionate and helpful to others, here, and most deserving of the same in return.

I think I understand how you are feeling about getting in trouble, while, you are instead, someone who is hard-working, respectful, loyal and devoted to your work and the people you work with.

When we are accused of acting in ways that go against our good character, or, when our character is assasinated, it can, indeed, cause one to feel 'sick, deep inside', and, it can have profound consequences on our psyches.

From my perspective, refraining from speaking to a person who exhibited the type of reaction/behavior you described, was the most appropriate action you could have taken. So, good on you, for containing yourself, which likely, prevented escalation of the situation.

Your supervisors should provide you an opportunity to explain what occured, just as you did, here. You wanted to help. You were already handling multiple tasks, and due to the fact that you put your all into your work, you could not help at that moment, but, would gladly have helped, as soon as you were able. I would stand up for yourself, and tell them how you were treated and that you handled the situation, appropriately, by separating yourself/not engaging, in order to prevent escalation/diffuse the situation. Tell them, word for word what occurred, from your vantage point, and what you would need to happen in order to have contact with the woman, going forward. Your supervisors should have your back. You are on the same team. They shouldn't write you up, based solely on the word of another person, and must take your experience of what occurred, into consideration. As another member stressed, it isn't 'you' who is in the wrong. There are people in this world who exploit good natured people, merely to feel empowered, superior, in control. They will try to make you see yourself as the problem, when, in actual fact, you are doing great, while they are merely, toxic. Don't let anyone influence how you perceive yourself/the good person that you are. I have been known to do this, myself. I am a work in progress.

In terms of how to deal with other people's anger - repeat the way you handled yourself, earlier, do a lot of self-talk while in the process and don't allow other's perceptions of you, to overpower your own perceptions. x
 
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the world is full of idiots, why would you let an idiot get to you

what counts is that your superiors understand that it is her not you

what this insignificant spec of humanity thinks, is really not worth wasting your energy on

ps intentionally trying to sound arrogant, i'm 6ft6 so i love it when i can combine sounding arrogant and looking down at the same time, it can make people squirm :-)
 
On the other hand, can you lodge a formal complaint because she called you a “puppet”?

Personally, I like the incredulous smile beamed at them. It hints that they have massively screwed up in some way I have yet to reveal...

Let them be wary. It is surprisingly easy to trigger in such insecure people. Because they are awful and screw up all the time and they bully so no one else will notice.
 
I also was thinking the "Puppet" remark was totally unprofessional and inappropriate." If you report her though, you need the help of the person who actually was present and heard her. Because they have report her...and Chance can not due to not witnessing it himself.

I would also suggest that Chance let his employment know and show documentation, of his autism, as to protect himself from further issues. It sounds like he is in employment jeopardy with this vengeful, nasty woman. If they have Chance’s aspergers on file, and she continues with these comments, then she can be written up and perhaps fired.
 
Politics-politics-politics! (Said like Mel Brooks) :rolleyes:

Sometimes office hierarchies allow for some ugly stuff to fly around. One question, Chance. Was this someone who is not subordinate to you and works in another department ?

Admittedly sometimes under some circumstances all you can do is to "keep your head down". Other times and circumstances prevailing, you don't get mad- you get even.
 
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