Community

[WhitewaterWoman]

But I also think most self described "Christians" aren't really following what Jesus said. If he were around today it'd be more than just a money lenders table that he'd be knocking over. Probably start with a televangilists private luxury jet.

Agreed.

 

[DrBadStrings]

I see it in a similar way but with critical difference. It’s not necessarily that we must have a higher purpose, but we must acknowledge there is something, anything, that is greater than ourselves.

A life in which I am the pinnacle of everything in the world is an impoverished life indeed.

I think I'm using "higher purpose" differently perhaps a little more loosely?. For me it's just a persons goals/dreams, that reason to live. What is it that will make that purpose happy but more importantly content. That idea of having to acknowledge something greater than our selves, well I know the the universe is greater than me. The laws of physics are greater than me. I'm being facetious. My preference is not to be around people but I do believe in humanity, sometimes anyway, and in my local community and ultimately would like to continue working in fields that I feel contribute to everyone's overall well being. I would think that honestly counts as that anything.

Only half in jest but I like the idea that we are all just humanimals in one great big herd on this planet. We'd be better off if we'd just stuck to grazing in the forest canopies but no, somebody had the bright idea of going bipedal. It's been downhill ever since if you ask me.

o it might be having a greater purpose, serving community or believing in a god, or even - as one AA man I knew phrased it - Gladys (what he decided to call his HP, because he did not believe in God.)

I will only say that I have some very deep convictions regarding AA, I do have a year chip from them, but I am not a fan or supporter of them anymore. For reasons I won't discuss, because for me, bit of a trigger for going down a dark angry rabbit hole rant that is only half rational. It's something that I'm working to resolve.

 

[NB79]

I think autistic people wish interaction like anyone else, but are beaten out of the game for being 'weird'.

 

[DrBadStrings]

I think autistic people wish interaction like anyone else, but are beaten out of the game for being 'weird'.

Maybe it's just a question of playing the game amongst ourselves.

Reminds me of the studies that have been done on communication between ND and NT where it's not that ND's can't communicate well, it's just that ND and NT don't communicate well with each other. Amongst themselves ND's communicate just as well as NT's amongst themselves. Some interesting experiments done with the old telephone game. If you aren't familiar you get a bunch of people in a line, the first person is given a message and then whispers it to the next, who whispers to the next and so forth. Mix ND's and Nt's together the message doesn't get through, it gets changed along the way. Put ND's only together and do the same and the message get's through just as often intact as with the NT only groups.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I think I'm using "higher purpose" differently perhaps a little more loosely?. For me it's just a persons goals/dreams, that reason to live. What is it that will make that purpose happy but more importantly content. That idea of having to acknowledge something greater than our selves, well I know the the universe is greater than me. The laws of physics are greater than me. I'm being facetious. My preference is not to be around people but I do believe in humanity, sometimes anyway, and in my local community and ultimately would like to continue working in fields that I feel contribute to everyone's overall well being. I would think that honestly counts as that anything.

Only half in jest but I like the idea that we are all just humanimals in one great big herd on this planet. We'd be better off if we'd just stuck to grazing in the forest canopies but no, somebody had the bright idea of going bipedal. It's been downhill ever since if you ask me.

I will only say that I have some very deep convictions regarding AA, I do have a year chip from them, but I am not a fan or supporter of them anymore. For reasons I won't discuss, because for me, bit of a trigger for going down a dark angry rabbit hole rant that is only half rational. It's something that I'm working to resolve.

I apologize. I often write things that are interpreted differently from what I meant. I actually agree with everything you have said. I was just expanding on something. And my reference to the AA person was not meant as approval of the program. Just identifying something I heard 40 years ago that was important enough to me that I have remembered it. I certainly didn't mean to trigger anything in others. Again, I apologize.

 

[DrBadStrings]

I apologize. I often write things that are interpreted differently from what I meant. I actually agree with everything you have said. I was just expanding on something. And my reference to the AA person was not meant as approval of the program. Just identifying something I heard 40 years ago that was important enough to me that I have remembered it. I certainly didn't mean to trigger anything in others. Again, I apologize.

Oh need to apologize. Just clarifying why I'll be avoiding talk of AA.

 

[thejuice]

I think autistic people wish interaction like anyone else, but are beaten out of the game for being 'weird'.

Yes chronic rejection will do that to you.

There is also having a low social battery because of masking, tolerating sensory overload, translating NT speak, worry about offending people, chronic social anxiety, people not sharing your interests etc

So there's a want to fit in when rejected and a need to escape when included.

A catch 22 where it's easy to end up misunderstood and totally isolated.

 

[Misery]

I think autistic people wish interaction like anyone else, but are beaten out of the game for being 'weird'.

This is typically how I see it.

After the experience that was school, well... All I learned is to avoid everyone, because to do otherwise always proved to be a grave mistake. Of course I became permanently reclusive after that.

Also a couple of years spent working retail just reinforced all of that.

These days I usually only interact online, and even then, only sparingly. Why would I ever do any more than that? School taught me what people are often like, and that was enough to kill off any interest.

 

[RemyZee]

It may be altruism actually creates some obstacles to autism: it's expected in society that good people will do things to help others and bad people are uninterested in doing good for humanity. But for those of us who find happiness more in inhuman things, like having happiness about a color or a totem or about an idea Orr activity, it makes it look like our humanity is skewed because we have differences in how we relate to the environment and what makes autistic people happy. Society often tells us what it means to be happy, and it says it nearly always involves other people. So what does it mean to society when it sees autistic people being happy about being alone?

 

[thejuice]

So what does it mean to society when it sees autistic people being happy about being alone?

Some people automatically assume I'm a horrible person because I'm always alone. They think if he was nice, he'd have friends. They also assume I must be unhappy. I like being around people for short bursts but not necessarily have any expectations put on me. I don't like disappointing people or hurting their feelings when I want to be alone so it's easier just to be solitary.

 

[Roisin]

I don't like disappointing people or hurting their feelings when I want to be alone so it's easier just to be solitary.

Its a catch 22, which option causes the least harm and to who.

I spent over a decade without friends, I wanted the companionship, but I dont have the interpersonal reserves to deal with translating what is really happening when I'm low on social energy, or in those times when I'm recovering, the ability to make amends for the flakiness felt by them at a time they needed a friend.

So I gave up on the idea, it stung to do this.

(Edited to add, I prioritise the social energy I have for employment, if I could be financially independent without working then I would prioritise social connections.)

I have found someone in the last two years though, in a relationship with an Autistic man and my translation was met with understanding! It's a low maintenance friendship and I can be me.

Any community needs an inclusive blend of neurotypes/diversity to function as a healthy ecosystem IMO.

 

[SusanLR]

Being the type that would say give me forty acres with no one else around is just being me. My personality and preference.
I like peace and nature better than people and cars when I go outside the house.
I don't see this as bad or good. Just a niche that maybe a minority of the human race fits into.

I say minority because there is always something or someone telling us connection, group activities and being with others is what happiness is.
But if you don't experience the emotion that being with others is said to produce,
it just isn't a blanket truth.

Reminds me of two days ago when I was eating in a restaurant with my house companion who doesn't care for the noise and interactions of gatherings either.
In the tables beside us, one table has five women that arrived separately, apparently for a planned gathering, laughing and talking away.

The table next to this group had a planned birthday gathering for a three- year- old.
There's mom and dad. Two older women and the child. Dad's busy blowing up balloons. Everybody is laughing and apparently having a good time.
It all seemed natural.

I was watching and wondering what they were getting out of these gatherings.
I even mentioned it to my companion. There are so many emotions and needs obviously being fulfilled at the two tables. But if you've never felt it, it isn't understood.
Eating with only one person that I know quite well in quiet is what I like.
So, I see it all as human nature just expressed differently for each.

A little too much hype, IMO, especially lately for the joys of sociality.

 

[thejuice]

@SusanLR I much prefer 1 to 1, deeper interaction. Somewhere you can be authentic and honest with someone you trust.

I like group setting stuff for a short while if I know the people but I get an itch to leave after a short while. Being the first to leave is always awkward, still not good at thinking of a smooth exit! People feel obligated to pretend to be disappointed you're going lol

One of the worst situations was a group meal in a busy restaurant with people I didn't know well. Couldnt hear what people were saying, totally overwhelmed, alienated and hated every second! That was back in the days where I knew I was different but I didn't know why.

 

[RemyZee]

Some people automatically assume I'm a horrible person because I'm always alone. They think if he was nice, he'd have friends. They also assume I must be unhappy. I like being around people for short bursts but not necessarily have any expectations put on me. I don't like

For my whole life my family has said "you need friends
". Because i basically don't have them, but as i get older the solice for me is, funnily, that I've started having such a bad view of humanity I'd just rather not be around it. Somehow that's loosened things up a bit. The less I care the more people want to be around me.

disappointing people or hurting their feelings when I want to be alone so it's easier just to be solitary.

 

[Shevek]

So it seems understood that humans are communal creatures and to be our best selves we ought to have a higher purpose through being altruistic and interested in our fellow person.

I'm not saying autistics can't be communal because they definitely can, it's seen in the mutual support network here and some have jobs that greatly benefit society. However why are we lacking interest in community and in people in general compared to the mean?

Isn't full participation in the community the pathway to a good, meaningful life?

I've put a lot of effort into various communities, but have always been disappointed by the group limitations and gotten bored.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I've put a lot of effort into various communities, but have always been disappointed by the group limitations and gotten bored.

You are reminding me that I have done that too, usually disappointed. Not bored, just frustrated by the group dynamics and lack of any progress.

Except for once where a mixture of environmentalists, peace activists, military veterans and people nearby worked together to stop the development of an 8000 acre private military training camp near where I lived.

But that was a temporary effort.

 

[thejuice]

What are these group dynamics?

For me its a frustration with never being listened to and having to go along with what the group leader or more influential people want. Im a reluctant team player, because im usually stuck with the jobs no one wants. That goes for work, sports, leisure!! If im on my own i can do what i want and people dont complain about it. The only problem is you have to do the heavy lifting for every step of the process and usually learn the hard way.