Confused by therapist

[Markness]

Since I got a tsunami level of responses, I will have to take my time with this.

 

[Markness]

Surveys show that many young adults live with or moved back with mom/dad. This is just higher costs, rents are increasing, well-paying jobs are decreasing. So maybe it gets down to, do you want to live independently? At this stage of the game? Irrespective of finding your flame?

I want to live independently. Many would say I am overdo for this. My mother has actually said if I had a “flame”, she would be more willing to let me move out.

Re: your clashes with your mother about moving out: of what nature are they? Do you want to move out, or does she want you to move out, or both? I agree with @Gerontius that living on your own may decrease stress. Can you get a studio or one-bedroom apartment for now? You’d be amazed by how much independent living can boost your confidence and self-esteem. I know how difficult change is for autistic people, but you should ask your parents for help in that regard. Ask them to help you find a place.

I’ll want to move out and she’ll go into her instinctual control freak function of me wanting to keep living with her. The discussion will get heated and end up with us unable to reach a compromise.

My mother doesn’t think those are options. She thinks there are only high level college apartments or slummy ghetto ones. I actually have asked her for help but her default response is “I’ve spent too much on your siblings.” even though that’s her own fault.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Me and my brother and a friend rented a derelict house turned it into a rooming house, my wife was one of my tenants. Think out side the box a bit. There is more options than you think.

 

[Aspychata]

I want to live independently. Many would say I am overdo for this. My mother has actually said if I had a “flame”, she would be more willing to let me move out.



I’ll want to move out and she’ll go into her instinctual control freak function of me wanting to keep living with her. The discussion will get heated and end up with us unable to reach a compromise.

My mother doesn’t think those are options. She thinks there are only high level college apartments or slummy ghetto ones. I actually have asked her for help but her default response is “I’ve spent too much on your siblings.” even though that’s her own fault.

Control freaks usually don't like to let go of their kids. It's great that you are thinking about independence. But you may need to work, open bank account and save up to move out. Your mom may still try to control you, but you will have better boundaries living on your own. You will tell her "no" if needed.

 

[Kalinychta]

My mother has actually said if I had a “flame”, she would be more willing to let me move out.

Does she have you chained up in the basement or something? Your profile says you’re a 33-year-old man. You’re an adult, not a child. It makes no sense that your mom wouldn’t “be willing” to “let” you move out. You decide that, not her.

I’ll want to move out and she’ll go into her instinctual control freak function of me wanting to keep living with her. The discussion will get heated and end up with us unable to reach a compromise.

A compromise? Again, you’re a grown man. Grown men move out of their mothers’ houses whether or not their mothers want or “allow” them to.

My mother doesn’t think those are options.

So? What do you think?

She thinks there are only high level college apartments or slummy ghetto ones.

Have you checked? It’s pretty obvious she’s doing everything she can to make you feel that you’re stuck living with her, and you don’t appear to have done any research on apartments on your own. You just keep saying “my mom thinks” and “my mom says.” Who cares what she thinks and says? Figure it out for yourself.

I actually have asked her for help but her default response is “I’ve spent too much on your siblings.” even though that’s her own fault.

Okay, then you’ll do it on your own. Do you have a job?

 

[Markness]

Does she have you chained up in the basement or something? Your profile says you’re a 33-year-old man. You’re an adult, not a child. It makes no sense that your mom wouldn’t “be willing” to “let” you move out. You decide that, not her.



A compromise? Again, you’re a grown man. Grown men move out of their mothers’ houses whether or not their mothers want or “allow” them to.



So? What do you think?



Have you checked? It’s pretty obvious she’s doing everything she can to make you feel that you’re stuck living with her, and you don’t appear to have done any research on apartments on your own. You just keep saying “my mom thinks” and “my mom says.” Who cares what she thinks and says? Figure it out for yourself.



Okay, then you’ll do it on your own. Do you have a job?

I am not chained up physically. I am chained by financial and legal headaches.

Even she knows that. She just resists it because she’s scared of the world being mean to her children. Even my siblings are technically webbed to her through her cellphone location sharing option. She did it to me, too, and she nearly had a nervous breakdown when her phone messed up and I was off it.

I honestly think she knows but her control freak nature is making her refuse to tell me because it will be a slip up on her part.

I fight against her and she’ll guilt trip me as well as attempt to manipulate my emotions. I resist both more these days.

I’ve had a job since high school.

 

[Kalinychta]

I am not chained up physically. I am chained by financial and legal headaches.

Like what?

I’ve had a job since high school.

Do you work full time?

 

[Markness]

Like what?

Do you work full time?

She has access to my bank account, she’s my payee for my social security, and has my legal documents. She actually sabotaged a potential social opportunity at the college I used to go to because they needed a copy of one of those forms and she absolutely refused to give me access to it. She was also worried I would be put in with “racial minorities.”

I only work part time. It’s been my first and only job in my life so far. To work full time, the library requires one to have many years of experience being in a position of making orders to other employees and being extremely aggressive as is the nature of the City of Temple organization. I also keep feeling like each year will be my last so I don’t have ambition of becoming a full time worker at the place. I feel like any moment could be my last breath and people will celebrate my death.

 

[BrokenBoy]

She has access to my bank account, she’s my payee for my social security, and has my legal documents. She actually sabotaged a potential social opportunity at the college I used to go to because they needed a copy of one of those forms and she absolutely refused to give me access to it. She was also worried I would be put in with “racial minorities.”

I only work part time. It’s been my first and only job in my life so far. To work full time, the library requires one to have many years of experience being in a position of making orders to other employees and being extremely aggressive as is the nature of the City of Temple organization. I also keep feeling like each year will be my last so I don’t have ambition of becoming a full time worker at the place. I feel like any moment could be my last breath and people will celebrate my death.

Have you tried opening a new bank account in your name only?

 

[tree]

@Markness

I am not understanding this part:
To work full time, the library requires one to have
many years of experience being in a position of making orders to other employees.....

Does that mean in order to be a full time employee at the library a person
must have management experience? Be a supervisor? Or what?

 

[Kalinychta]

She has access to my bank account

Open a new account, withdraw the money from your joint account and deposit it into the new account, and set up your direct deposit to go into the new account.

she’s my payee for my social security

Take her off as payee.

and has my legal documents

Sneak into her file cabinet and take them back. If this isn’t an option, contact the appropriate agencies and report them as lost or stolen and get new copies.

I only work part time. It’s been my first and only job in my life so far. To work full time, the library requires one to have many years of experience being in a position of making orders to other employees and being extremely aggressive as is the nature of the City of Temple organization. I also keep feeling like each year will be my last so I don’t have ambition of becoming a full time worker at the place. I feel like any moment could be my last breath and people will celebrate my death.

Start looking for a new job, maybe even one in Austin. A ton of places are hiring right now. Try something new.

 

[Markness]

Dang it! I just got another debit card cancelled due to a fraudulent charge appearing on my bank account!

@BrokenBoy I’ve been suggested to buy I honestly don’t know how. What would it take to do so?

@tree Both supervising and management experience.

I honestly didn’t want the job. My mother talked to people and got it lined up for me. She hoped I would become a yuppie and be too busy to be depressed. Well, that didn’t happen. Even when the library’s foot traffic was at its peak, I was still miserable.

@Kalinychta I have tried to get a new job, especially at the library in the neighboring city. I got rejected twice and I think it’s partly due to my lack of a college degree.

Something keeps telling me you don’t want me to have a relationship.

 

[Kalinychta]

@Kalinychta I have tried to get a new job, especially at the library in the neighboring city. I got rejected twice and I think it’s partly due to my lack of a college degree.

Try applying at a bank. Banks are desperate for people right now. You can become a teller or work in a customer service phone area, and after a year you can transfer to a “back office” type of job if you want.

 

[tree]

@Markness
QUOTE
If you need to change or appoint a new rep payee, the process is fairly simple. Even if your payee was appointed for you, you may request a new payee (though you must give adequate reason for changing). When you want to change your rep payee, go to your Social Security Administration field office and request a change of payee. You will be given a form to fill out, and guidance will be provided if necessary....

You may also apply to have yourself appointed as the payee if you can substantiate that your condition has improved enough to allow you to manage your money. You should be aware, of course, that if your qualifying condition is a mental condition, stating that you are now mentally competent to handle your own money may cause the SSA to re-open your Social Security Disability case to determine whether you have improved sufficiently to be denied Social Security Disability benefits.
END QUOTE
How to Change Your Social Security Disability Payee | Disability Benefits Center

 

[Kalinychta]

Are you thinking about what tree wrote, Markness? If you want things to change in your life, you need to change them. You. Step by step. No one else can do it for you, and no woman is going to wooosh into your life and be the savior and solution to all of your problems. You need to take steps to get where you’d like to be.

 

[Markness]

Are you thinking about what tree wrote, Markness? If you want things to change in your life, you need to change them. You. Step by step. No one else can do it for you, and no woman is going to wooosh into your life and be the savior and solution to all of your problems. You need to take steps to get where you’d like to be.

I have taken steps in my life. It’s just really frustrating when things fizzle out for me. The Sans Bar and an Austin Meet Up group are some examples. I still have a guitar and used to hope I would excel at it but I keep hitting walls with it. Guitar solos are especially difficult; my fingers don’t have the dexterity to pull them off.

 

[Fino]

How long have you been playing the guitar for? Aren't guitar solos difficult for anyone? It took me ten years to get any good at piano.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

How long have you been playing the guitar for? Aren't guitar solos difficult for anyone? It took me ten years to get any good at piano.

He's Fellow Aspie, it's not right until it's perfect. We tend to have perfectionists streaks.

 

[Markness]

@Kalinychta I honestly really feel like you don’t want me to have a relationship and want me to finally say I’ve given up.

 

[Kalinychta]

@Kalinychta I honestly really feel like you don’t want me to have a relationship and want me to finally say so.

Sure I want you to have a relationship. I just don’t think you’re in any condition to be in one at the moment. Most women are turned off by desperate men, so the only long-term relationship I can see you being in is with a not-nice person, a predator or narcissist of some kind, probably another control freak like your mother. That’s all. I just think you need to sort out your personal life first. Like get out of the victim mentality, learn to love yourself, and commit to things that make you happy.