Confused

[AO1501]

Thanks! Your response helped. Funny thing is I thought I was the one mentally begging him to say something to me. I’ve done a lot of research and the more I learn about Aspergers and autism in general the more I’m convinced that everything I thought was so obvious may not have been obvious to him. And looking back a lot of the advice I got from people was that they thought he maybe liked me but also thought he didn’t know what to do about it and that I would need to make the first move. I really wish I did. I almost tried to kiss him a couple times but was always too scared to make a move. Us NT’s can also be shy and insecure and when your insecure you don’t always read things well either. Anytime I thought maybe he liked me there was a voice in my head that said “no that’s stupid. Your not pretty enough or smart enough or whatever enough”

You are right in identifying the simple fact that these are human issues we all have to some extent, whether NT or AT. Which side you are on only tends to define how you perceive and respond to these situations.

I know that on my side, I find it impossible to reach out even when I am desperate to, and have relied on the unfortunate soul who is about to become entangled with me to reach out to me. If they don't, nothing happens and what could have been a great relationship is lost. If they do, and I reciprocate, whatever it is to become then begins. But I have known NTs who are just as incapable as me due to shyness, or insecurity.

The lesson to learn from this for any of us is that if you like someone and want to get to know them, tell them. You might get rejected, but that is in effect what is almost certain to happen if you don't.

And no-one is not smart enough or not pretty enough. It is in the perception of you the other person has, not in your perception of yourself.

 

[Tom]

It may serve some purpose to postmortem a ended relationship, but without both sides of the story realistic analysis is not really possible.