Core Belief

[Aspychata]

From your synopsis- excellent re: core beliefs. My take is that perhaps for some of us, core beliefs are intuitional (sp). We have the strong feelings, we don't like to go against them, but we can be hard pressed to explain them. But certain people click very deeply with me,l venture to say our core beliefs are very similar. Our rasion de etre.

 

[Gift2humanity]

"I'm not good enough"
"Lack of relational value"

These are not your core beliefs. There are deeper beliefs beneath these that still need to be found. The ones that gave you the idea that you have these beliefs.

It is really hard to discover core belief, as there are beliefs above it that can easily appear to be this. I like how DK's_Ghost has dealt with it. He's clearly done much work.

Digging down takes a lot of time, and having the right tools helps enormously. How do you know you've gone far enough? Many times you won't go further until you've understood what you've already found. And before any of this can even begin, you have to know that you need to look.

As has been said, many beliefs are given to us/ imposed upon us by our parents and family (later our teachers and peers), when we are at our most impressionable. Most have no idea they do this. So to unpack all that requires focus and discipline. The practice of meditation is essential for the journey.

Many years ago I started doing this without realising I was. I'd only just begun to practice meditation, but quickly began to look at my beliefs, which made me want to understand what lay beneath them. In fact nothing else seemed to matter at the time once I realised how important this was for me to do.

I became able to look at specific experiences of my life, only this time not as the original actor who had experienced them, but as an objective director, who not only could see what had taken place, but could imagine how it could have been different had my beliefs been different. This allowed me to alter what took place in my imagination, see a different outcome from this different perspective, and at the same time release those beliefs that had not been helping me. It was quite the revelation. I saw that I was not being my true self. I realised I'd been wearing all these masks of protection, and I knew I wanted to find out what it was that had been wearing them.

While there are core beliefs, for me that journey showed me there was something beyond belief. Before belief. And this you could say is what has to be found. Call it Soul. Essence. Inner being.

So in a sense, just like the scientists who bombard particles into one another looking for ever smaller bits so they can determine what the universe is actually made of, will continually find smaller and smaller particles because something is always made of something else, so as I looked for beliefs, I continually found them, and how will you ever be sure you have found them all?

It seemed better to find a way of not creating them in the first place. Not an easy thing to do. Yet it is essential we go beyond belief, if we want to know who we really are.

Excellent thread by the way.

Thanks.

 

[Suzette]

I have always struggled with the idea of "core beliefs", mostly because I am not sure what that means. Beliefs about what? Myself? Human kind?

I have simply settled on my personal core value: Kindness. I try to make kindness the corner stone of my behavior (though I fail more often than I would like) and I value that quality in others most highly. I feel that from kindness comes all other virtues.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

"Lack of relational value"

These are not your core beliefs.

Well, if you want to get to the center of the belief that permeates me, it is the belief that the Cosmos is entirely natural and materialistic. That is why I fail to see anything in religion or other supernatural ideas, especially any superstition about an afterlife. Our mind IS our brain, and all we are is lost once our brains turn to jelly and runs out our ears.

Harsh, but for me, a keen observer of our natural world, it is mitigated by a profound fascination and love of all that we share the world with. My touchstone are two quotes from Contact, by Sagan:
"See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other."
and
"We all have a thirst for wonder. It's a deeply human quality. Science and religion are both bound up with it. What I'm saying is, you don't have to make stories up, you don't have to exaggerate. There's wonder and awe enough in the real world. Nature's a lot better at inventing wonders than we are."

I can think of little that is more optimistic than that! My lack of relational value I had to learn from my peers, a disturbing lesson, and something that even those close to me minimize as my lived experience.

 

[Nairobi]

I highly recommend the book The Four Agreements. Also after you have read it there is a very nice reading of it on YouTube.

I have this in card form. Well, basic points turned into a card deck. It helps me to flip through the principles combined with the art - for whatever reason. I think I like the feeling of holding it and flipping through it and looking at the colors on the cards as well - it's an overall stimmy thing for me along with the helpful concepts written on the card.

 

[Giant Hogweed]

Where did you get the deck Nairobi? I'd like one.

 

[Nairobi]

Where did you get the deck Nairobi? I'd like one.[/QUOTE

They are available on Amazon, ebay, and Wordery - maybe some other bookstores, too:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Four-Agree...ords=4+agreements+cards&qid=1626963468&sr=8-1

 

[Ken]

Core Belief – not good enough?

I’m not sure about core belief, but my life does have a common theme. My theme is that I am defective – broken.

My father made a frequent statement, repeated throughout my life; from as early as I can remember through to his death, that has been the defining theme of my life. Always with great angry exasperation, he would say, “Kenneth … When are you ever going to wake up and act like a normal human being?” This has been deeply confusing and hurtful, especially since I could never understand how I did not behave like a normal human being. I had no clue what normal was. Clearly however, he was right, as I have received that same message, in various forms and deliveries, from almost everyone that has come to know me; teachers, students, friends, family, etc. People I have been grouped with such as students, military personnel, etc. have always avoided me as if there was something gross or disgusting about me. Prior to discovering autism, I always thought it was my appearance. Now, instead, I’m beginning to realize that it is my expressions, mannerisms, body language, tone, and delivery. All of which I am blind to.

Now, all this defectiveness is not entirely doom and gloom. It does not mean you cannot be successful. In my early life, I believed I was too stupid to achieve anything, much less my childhood dream of being an electronics design engineer. Throughout school I could not even learn math. I was lucky to get a D in any math class. This inability completely dashed my hopes of ever becoming an electronics design engineer. Everyone knows that math is a major requirement of electronics design engineering.

Later in life, I learned that while math is indeed difficult for me, I can learn it. I just can’t be taught it. There is a difference. Being taught is a social thing. My autism makes the social aspect hard to teach me anything. But that doesn’t mean I can’t learn it. I just can’t learn it with a teacher.

In my view, “not good enough” is very undefined and nebulous. I have found that to do something – even electronics design engineering – you don’t have to be “good”; you just have to do it. Well, as it turns out I did do it. I am now a happily retired electronics design engineer and while I had lots of “not good enough’s”, I had enough got it done’s.

Years ago, I had a coworker that was always nagging me to stop selling myself short. I never knew why he went on about that to such an annoying degree. Well, about ten years later, I finally realized what he was talking about.

I like movies about rejected, “not good enough” people that succeed anyway.
Such as; Hugo, Eddie the Eagle, McFarland, Spare Parts, Seabiscuit, The Greatest Showman, etc.
The movie Seabiscuit is about a small group of “not good enough” men that came together with a discarded “not good enough” horse and proceeded to win the world championship.
In the movie, Tom Smith said, “You don’t throw away a whole life just ‘cause he’s banged up a little.” Charles Howard announced at the world championship race, “The horse is too small, the jockey is too big, the trainer is too old and I’m too dumb to know the difference.” They were all “broken” in some way – not good enough, but, by perseverance, they won anyway.

I also love the movie, “Greatest Showman”. It’s about a crew of misfit outcasts who come together to put on the Greatest Show on Earth.

Not good enough? Doesn't really matter. Just persevere.

 

[Suzette]

Thank you for that Kenneth. I agree.
Much of my life has been spent in utter horror and confusion due to narsississtic gaslighting from my ex husband and, indeed my own family. I was never sucessful at a career, never accomplished in the ways of a craft or educational discipline or anything that might elevate my social status so that I could, at the very least claim these things. And I've been close to the edge more times than I care to admit. But here I am.

About 15 years ago I was closer than ever to the final solution but I was stubborn! I was not going out just yet because I knew, with enough perseverence I could be happy. My road to happiness began in earnest then and became an expotentialy expanding experience. And here I am, quite happy at 54. I move carefully though. I often feel I am on a teeter totter but I will not allow the board to hit bottom ever again! That sounds kind of agressive and warrior like but the experience of the thing is more like a ballet.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Core Belief – not good enough?

I’m not sure about core belief, but my life does have a common theme. My theme is that I am defective – broken.

My father made a frequent statement, repeated throughout my life; from as early as I can remember through to his death, that has been the defining theme of my life. Always with great angry exasperation, he would say, “Kenneth … When are you ever going to wake up and act like a normal human being?” This has been deeply confusing and hurtful, especially since I could never understand how I did not behave like a normal human being. I had no clue what normal was. Clearly however, he was right, as I have received that same message, in various forms and deliveries, from almost everyone that has come to know me; teachers, students, friends, family, etc. People I have been grouped with such as students, military personnel, etc. have always avoided me as if there was something gross or disgusting about me. Prior to discovering autism, I always thought it was my appearance. Now, instead, I’m beginning to realize that it is my expressions, mannerisms, body language, tone, and delivery. All of which I am blind to.

Now, all this defectiveness is not entirely doom and gloom. It does not mean you cannot be successful. In my early life, I believed I was too stupid to achieve anything, much less my childhood dream of being an electronics design engineer. Throughout school I could not even learn math. I was lucky to get a D in any math class. This inability completely dashed my hopes of ever becoming an electronics design engineer. Everyone knows that math is a major requirement of electronics design engineering.

Later in life, I learned that while math is indeed difficult for me, I can learn it. I just can’t be taught it. There is a difference. Being taught is a social thing. My autism makes the social aspect hard to teach me anything. But that doesn’t mean I can’t learn it. I just can’t learn it with a teacher.

In my view, “not good enough” is very undefined and nebulous. I have found that to do something – even electronics design engineering – you don’t have to be “good”; you just have to do it. Well, as it turns out I did do it. I am now a happily retired electronics design engineer and while I had lots of “not good enough’s”, I had enough got it done’s.

Years ago, I had a coworker that was always nagging me to stop selling myself short. I never knew why he went on about that to such an annoying degree. Well, about ten years later, I finally realized what he was talking about.

I like movies about rejected, “not good enough” people that succeed anyway.
Such as; Hugo, Eddie the Eagle, McFarland, Spare Parts, Seabiscuit, The Greatest Showman, etc.
The movie Seabiscuit is about a small group of “not good enough” men that came together with a discarded “not good enough” horse and proceeded to win the world championship.
In the movie, Tom Smith said, “You don’t throw away a whole life just ‘cause he’s banged up a little.” Charles Howard announced at the world championship race, “The horse is too small, the jockey is too big, the trainer is too old and I’m too dumb to know the difference.” They were all “broken” in some way – not good enough, but, by perseverance, they won anyway.

I also love the movie, “Greatest Showman”. It’s about a crew of misfit outcasts who come together to put on the Greatest Show on Earth.

Not good enough? Doesn't really matter. Just persevere.[/QUOTI watched the movie on se biscuit, inspiring, the documentary was even better.

 

[Ken]

I was never sucessful at a career, never accomplished in the ways of a craft or educational discipline or anything that might elevate my social status so that I could, at the very least claim these things.

I should point out that my professional success was due to some very lucky circumstances. My lifelong obsession was electronic circuits. I lived and breathed circuits. Reading every book on the subject I could get my hands on at public and university libraries. I was unable to attend college due to my debilitating social anxieties. Tried it once.
My success occurred because I always asked for any prospective employer to give me a test. The ones that did gave me the job. The primary success, however, was that in each case, I got a private design lab. I was alone with my circuits - interruptions were not allowed - bosses rules. Makes me wonder, now, if my boss realized I was autistic or if he just discovered I could not function with interruptions.
So, I was very, very lucky. If not for my private labs, I don't think it would have ever happened.
An interesting note. I did not realize that I actually succeeded at my childhood dream until after I retired and discovered my autism! With that, I feel that my autistic obsessions is what drove me to success. I don't think the "luck" could have happened without that obsession. So, in that light, I feel grateful to being autistic.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Now you have the right perspective. played the hand that was given you and sounds likeyou played it well. something to be proud of.