Criticism, Nitpickiness and Sensitive Soul - How to cope with the constant assault

[DogzSpirit]

Yet another truth is: MOST OF US, give wayyyyy too much attention to these (as Gerald said so beautifully) 'wounded animals'. Just imagine, if we took all that emotional energy used up on these people, and redirected that to something worthwhile!

We are all perfectly imperfect, until we begin pointing fingers at another. I would say those in your post eliminated themselves from the perfectly imperfect category.

We give away so much of our power to them, when we give them that undeserved attention.

 

[Streetwise]

Evening friends,

I need to rant first and then I would like some suggestions on how to be okay....

I am talking about the constant Criticism, disappointment from others and Nitpicking that occurs on a continual basis - It's not just from my spouse but from everyone I interact with since I was really little. I am always yelled out, criticized, told to "start using your head" and so many people rather they be coworkers, bosses, friends or family. And I tried thinking that it was just the people who I was around..... it's not. I've tried to be with different kinds of people from different walks of life several times in the last 20 years and while some people are certainly nicer than others, sooner or later they claim they get burnt out on constantly looking over what I do. After all these years the conclusion I draw is that not everyone in my life could be wrong. There must be some truth and I will near always illicit the same reaction from others....most people in fact.

The basic feeling I get is not being anywhere near good enough for anyone. I never do anything right it seems. I don't have the right tone of voice....... always something I do ticks someone off. And most of the time I am at a lost as to what it even was. I now connect this everyday occurrence to having ASD and because I have tried EXTENSIVELY for several years to be perfect and to "guess" the right thing to do to no prevail I have given up hoping for things to be different. When I even bring it up to anyone they assure me that they don't over-correct me, but I am no fool. I can clearly see that I am corrected more than others. And it seems like when someone else does do something wrong the correcting person seems so nice and genial about it and yet I get heated anger and disgust. I am crying as I write this.

So in short, I have a feeling that I am not alone in this. I know that I have work really hard to people please but I have accepted that I will always experience this soul-killing onslaught of nitpicking criticism. Harder yet then accepting this grim fact is that I must somehow learn to not feel the pain that constant re-correction causes and immediately put a smile back on my face so THEY don't feel like a bully. There feelings must be way more important than mine. I am so done feeling like a big failure. I work so hard to not be, but I know it will keep happening. I can expect it. Sooooo......... What can I do to lessen it's impact and still be happy? How do I build a tougher skin? I know I can't stop them from doing it..... I tried, and it made things so much worst.

I'd love to know how to talk to Neurotypicals im in a situation and I just hyperventilate and cry I don't have an end date to the situation so im hanging but I know no one will come.

 

[Au Naturel]

Ya know... nitpicking is not the exclusive domain of the NT.

I have jumped onto a person because their explanation of something was objectively and provably incorrect. The problem was that it didn't matter. No aircraft would crash because some guy didn't get Bernoulli's principle right in a casual converstation. It is something I had to learn not to do and one of the things many NTs absolutely hate about some NDs.

It still tempts me. In my mind, I'm innocently correcting misperceptions. (Actually, I can be obsessive about accuracy.) In their mind, I'm trying to belittle them and assert my superiority. (Exactly what many NDs complain about NT nitpicks.)

We're both correct.

 

[Booknerd515]

You're not alone in this.

I'm on another medical withdrawal from college in the moment, and my parents are very to the point where I either have to be in school or be in a job and even though I'm supposed to be resting and healing I get told nearly every single day that I should be in college right now. I can't do anything about that, because it's past the time for me to apply in this current semester, and they really like to ignore the fact that I have immense chronic pain. Just last weekend I was having immense stomach cramps, I was in an ER waiting to get care, and my mom took me home before I could get care for them while I was in the waiting room with other people. I'm near constantly told to not feel my pain, to exercise more because it would help my dizziness and I have been forced to go on walks after fainting which I'm pretty sure isn't right.

So yeah, I don't care what other people say in real life say because I've heard literally every single insult one can hear. I know what my own health means, it's not just anxiety, pain is a real feeling. They're even aware I have undiagnosed PTSD and they still say I should learn to 'cope better'. I don't care about them that much anymore because I should be in a mental hospital but they're not letting me go to one.