Re: Hi there
Hi thanks all for the heartfelt response. I must say I am rather shocked by some of the lack of sensitivity in the romance department though. To all of you please note that I have had many discussions with him about all my feelings. Even documented them on paper which he very much appreciated and he even acted like a light went on in response to this form of communication but the light flickered and went out shortly following.
KingOni- What drove us together is irrelevant; the fact is we are together and hopelessly in love which makes these obstacles extremely difficult. I am not "in it for the fun moments only," no relationship is 100% fun moments. Every relationship is about giving of yourself because you love the person and I have found the more you give the more you love them and ultimately get. And comparing him with a robot is just about the worst analogy you could have made. He has proven to me that he can indeed make adjustments when he cares to. The fact is his focus is rarely on my needs and that is what I find exasperating.
Soup- I knew he was an aspie before we met. These issues did not arise until later in the relationship, although he rarely ever did anything thoughtful for me-not even on Valentine's Day-speaking of which I found your little anti-romanticism commentary rather unsettling. I found this excerpt to be rather interesting:
While the passionately composed love lyric was an important feature of wooing in olden times, today's men are more inclined to use their mobiles to dash off a text (21%) or an emailed message (11%) to their loved one, according to the Lindt Lindor Code of Modern Chivalry report.
The study found that while the majority of women are regular users of Facebook and Twitter, 56% would feel disappointed to receive a wall message or tweet instead of a traditional greetings card this coming Valentine's weekend.
The study found that 62% of women would like to be complimented on their appearance, while a third (33%) appreciate a partner with good eye contact, regarding this as a sign of devotion.
It also unearthed the behaviour that would-be modern knights should avoid at all costs:
:: If taking one's loved one for dinner, pick up the bill - a third of women (32%) admit they do not expect to 'go Dutch' on Valentine's Day.
:: Focus on the lady one is with - wandering eyes are a major cause of offence for eight in 10 (80%) women.
:: Switch off the phone and Blackberry, or even better, leave them at home. Interrupting the evening with a phone call, text or email would almost unanimously irritate women (98%).
Relationship expert Jenni Trent Hughes said: "We may no longer be knights in shining armour or damsels in distress, but we still want and need romance - it is part of our emotional DNA.
"The beauty of romance in the 21st century is that it is a blank slate.
"Forget about everyone else and make Valentine's Day work for you and the object of your affection.
Dragon's Tooth-Despite what you may believe I am not living in a delusional fantasy world I am fully aware that relationships are not about princes and white stallions and I am sorry that my "blurting out" my shallow concerns and trying to seek some kind of support to help me in my relationship with a man I dearly love may have offended you. We have been together for two years and are well past the infatuation stage. The fact is we never actually had an infatuation stage, apparently that's not his style. I am not seeking a magical answer or a windswept romance, just support. I have already identified the fact that I am in a rut. I wouldn't be on here seeking support if I hadn't.
Nolan- Thank you for the breath of fresh air in proving that just because someone is has AS doens't mean they can't show that they care in what some would stereotypically label as "neurotypical ways"!
Gailt- THANK YOU so much for the reference! Definitely going to check this out! I would love to chat sometime!
in relationships both parties have to be willing to compromise otherwise it all comes to one partner... sort of... sacrificing personal needs for the sake of another. Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend. Don't tell him what you want him to do, tell him what you want in general. Ask him: how he sees your relationships, what he wants. If none of you are willing to compromise, then there's no point in staying together. Unless you want to have a constant struggle, but then the struggle should be considered as a part of relationships, not an obstacle (that's the way I see it, anyway). I believe, in many cases if a person on a spectrum really wants to achieve something, he/she will persevere, even though it might take some time. Ask him what he wants. Asperger's or no Asperger's, if a person really wants to be with someone, he/she will agree to compromise. With Asperger's it might be a little bit different, because a lot of us (IMO) don't really NEED company, we can be perfectly fine alone (even though some people will complain about being lonely). Appeal to logic not emotions. How does he see your future together, what is reasonable and what is comfortable?
