Dating as Aspie.

[Shn887]

I know that, especially early-on in dating, if a guy is sort of 'smothering' me with constant contact, I will push back HARD in an effort to enforce my independence (even if I'm still interested, or open to pursuing a relationship).

So, if you think you may have been a bit too 'clingy' it's also worthwhile asking her if your'e making too much contact for her liking. It may be that you are either (a) coming on too strong and she needs a bit more space to feel comfortable in a relationship with you, or (b) she doesn't yet know what she wants and needs things to go more slowly while you're working it out. I suppose the alternative (c) is that she is not interested and is trying to subtly give you the signs, but again, literal communication will sort that out quickly. You have to be wiling to act on her answer though and respect her wishes regardless; or at least come to a mutually agreeable compromise.

I get how being too clingy can be stressful, especially when you're so used to your own routine and to having a specific way of doing things.

It would definitely be very difficult for me to hear that she lost interest, but if it is indeed what has happened what can anyone do but accept it? Rejection is never easy, but I'd also never want her to stay with me because she's too nice to say she doesn't want to.

 

[Alis1998]

Hey there.
As a girl with asd (pdd nos) wich is right now in a temporary long distance relationship I would like you to give my insight into this subject. Here are some of the reasons she might not respond so emotionally or so much as she used to.

1. She doesn't know what to say anymore (regular subjects, not nessarly romantical).
She may have nothing going on that she thinks is important to say.
Sidenote: If this is one of the problematic things you experience, just keep asking what she all did that day for example. Mostly with more intrest this come more aware for her and makes her more comfy talking about.

2. She doesn't know what to say romanaticly.
For this is it all depends on your contact with each other. Personally I have felt that I sometimes am not really good at being romantic. She might feel akward because she isn't used to this. Besides that in most casses people with autism have less developed social skills, or sense of what they should say. Personally for me it is more the last one in a real conversation rather then a text.

3. She feels like you do not show enough intrest.
This isn't nessarly an autistic thing, but remember that you are not just dating a condition, but a person with a condition. All things that a just a NT female experiences can an autistic person experience as well.

4. She might have a rough.
Sometimes people do not want to bother people with their problems. She might tells you she is fine while she can be really overwelmed by something. This can effect the way she talks to you.

This are reasons that I have personally experienced, bassicly making me too uncomfy to talk to my boyfriend. Thankfully my boyfriend is very respectfull towards this after explaining it to him.
I should not only focus on her autism, but also on how females think in general. Besides that, there isn't much known about females with autism in general, let alone this subject. I hoped this helped you in some sort of way. This was only my personal experience. You should also read other comments because at the end of the day we are all diffrent people

 

[Joshua the Writer]

My best tips are: It's alright if you tell her to stop rambling/being too technical when talking about interests. It's alright if you ask for simplification. There's nothing wrong with it. Sometimes, people with autism need elaboration on simple things, and it's alright to do so. There is nothing wrong with that, either. Also, if she is not responding, she could either be busy, distracted, or she has notifications for everything turned off, since too many phone/PC notifications might overwhelm people with autism. I hope you appreciate my advice.

 

[Bella Pines]

Haha @Tom, I was literally going to day the EXACT same thing!

She has expressed that she values this relationship

There really is no need to 2nd guess an aspie female. What You See Is What You Get. If we actually go to the effort of saying something, we mean it. We don't play mind games or politics. We don't spontaneously change our minds unless the underlying facts change.

We do go through phases of being talkative and then retreating, it's quite normal.

If you are going through that needy NT reassurance thing of "oh woes me, does she still love me, is she still interested?", then ask. Once. And ask her to please tell you if it ever changes. That will save you from having to keep asking over and over and over....

 

[paloftoon]

I guess it depends on what your perception of 'just starting off is'? We've been interacting for almost a year now, but we decided to be a couple for just over half a year ago. I know she is truly very busy, and when we talked about the spoon theory she told me it was more like a jar that is intact for others, but hers happens to have a hole in the bottom, so her energy levels drop even when she's not actively doing anything (is that a peculiarity to her or is that something many aspies feel?). I assume that although taking the time to message someone takes no energy for me, it might take energy she can't spare for her.

Just starting off is only hanging out basically. You aren't committed, and you don't know too many deep things about each other. You're definitely past that stage.

 

[Paiva]

My best advice would be to simply ask her. But in a nice way, so she doesn't feel attacked.

It's possible that she has lost interest, but it's also possible that she is unsure of the proper amount of communication. A while back one of my best friends became very angry with me. She was going through a rough time, and she thought it was very insensitive of me that I hadn't texted her to ask her how she was doing. I was very confused about this. I thought that if she wanted to talk about something, she would text me. I hadn't ignored any messages from her, so I didn't understand why she was angry. We talked about it, and I realized that it was considered polite and thoughtful to write/call someone and ask how they were doing. I honestly didn't know this. It could be something similar in your case.

 

[megacomic]

I find communicating with others to be a hassle so I have a certain hierarchy of responses for people. The most important people get immediate responses while everyone else kind of gets in due time or no response at all depending on how I feel about them. This girl however could be completely different.

 

[Mattymatt]

I didn’t mean for my initial post to be funny. Read the post again. This guy is trying to manage a long distance relationship with someone who is autistic and wants advise on how to work around who she is. Check the duplicate post. The way he feels right now will be how he feels the entirety of the relationship unless he puts in an enormous amount of work into it and simply put away his NT perspective. I’m all for giving love a chance but if he is asking for insight then mine would be to go find a great NT gal in his area that he can spend time with face to face. We so desperately want these pairings to work. We just hope they will. We encourage them. I want it to work. You have no idea how desperately I want these pairings to work. I won’t encourage it. I care too much for him and for her. I care too much for me and my honesty. I’m sure I will get blasted for this post but you have to give me props for being perfectly honest.

@George Newman, you raise an excellent point. Long distance relationships are tough whether or not you add the complexities of dating someone with Autism. I will NEVER do a long distance relationship again. I did it once and never again.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

tell her your concerns up front.

we tend to be up front and to the point about things so being direct with us works.

 

[Samuel Smith]

Hi my name is Sam Smith. I live in the DC Metro area. I am very athletic having run 7 marathons and I play ice hockey for the Washington Ice Dogs. I am also diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I am 34 years old and I am looking for an athletic woman to date who also has Asperger syndrome. Cheers from Sam

 

[Tom]

Hi my name is Sam Smith. I live in the DC Metro area. I am very athletic having run 7 marathons and I play ice hockey for the Washington Ice Dogs. I am also diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I am 34 years old and I am looking for an athletic woman to date who also has Asperger syndrome. Cheers from Sam

You have the wrong thread friend. This is not a general one for meeting people. If you look around you might find a thread like that already, or if not can start your own.

 

[Aspychata]

Hi my name is Sam Smith. I live in the DC Metro area. I am very athletic having run 7 marathons and I play ice hockey for the Washington Ice Dogs. I am also diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I am 34 years old and I am looking for an athletic woman to date who also has Asperger syndrome. Cheers from Sam

This is not Pond of Fish Dude, get a life, spam another another forum