Dating someone on the spectrum

[sisselcakes]

My bf also gets defensive and feels like I'm putting all the blame on him. He feels like I'm asking him to "change". I have been calmly explaining that no one is to blame. This is a relationship issue and we both need to work on the relationship. I think he was okay with that.

I've had to repeat this on several occasions. I can see how he would feel this way. I explained that, while it seems all the pressure is on him to do things differently, that I've been doing my part too- it's just internal and he can't see it. I've done hours and hours of research and analyzing our situation. I'm the one who has to take charge for assessing the root of our communication challenges because I'm the one who is more flexible in my thinking and I have to troubleshoot the solutions. I've been working on adjusting my thinking process to his and anticipating how he might interpret things- how to approach issues with him.

So, I pointed out, that while I'm asking him to alter his behavior, I'm also making changes and working for the relationship. He just can't see it because it's all going on in my head. It's not something obvious he would notice. He seemed to accept that, for now. LOL.

 

[sisselcakes]

OMGGGGG!!! This is me and my bf. Sent him a pic of me on a cruise and he said "nice". LOL

starts to over think he doesn't care at all of the pic or the amount of efforts I put in to make myself look sexy for him. I think he doesn't find me attractive cause he didn't seem to say much or compliment the picture. Then I have to think logically and remember I have to be more straight forward.

 

[sisselcakes]

Wow. Thank you for sharing this. It really helps me to understand my bf's defensiveness. I can't imagine living my whole life with people having expectations that I may not understand and being told constantly that I'm wrong.