Dealing with anxiety due to big upcoming events

[AuroraBorealis]

I'm once again being debilitated by my body's panic reaction. My stomach feels like someone's twisting it, I have to force myself to eat, and I'm shaky and moving and fidgeting constantly. Several things are causing it. Among those are:
- a research paper I need to revise, which I have already been procrastinating for weeks because I find it so boring
- an upcoming job interview in about a week which I need to prepare for
- an upcoming big trip my partner and I will go on, which I am looking forward to very much, but which of course also involves some nerves, and we still need to find someone who'll look after our pet
- if I get said job, we will have to move to another city after our trip and basically settle into an entirely new life there
- if I don't get said job, I will have to urgently find one after returning from our trip

The main ones stressing me out right now are that research paper and the job interview. I find it close to impossible to concentrate enough to work on that paper. The tasks are so boring. I know no one can really help me there, I just need to pull myself together and get it done.
The job interview's stressing me because I don't know what to expect and what they will ask me. I will prepare for it this week and also practise it with a friend, but I am still extremely nervous. I find the kind of questions they ask at job interviews very unintuitive, and I can't guess what they aim for with those questions and what they might want to hear. People keep explaining it to me with example questions, but I find it so confusing.
And the upcoming move to a different city is stressing me, because, well... I think that one's obvious. Change, change, change, uncertainty, and more change. I can't even sit still, I'm so nervous and jumpy.

 

[Aspychata]

Good luck with the interview. All you can do is give your best. Perhaps just stay active searching out jobs, this also will help you with the interview, as it will center you, because you will focus on job descriptions, which will end up helping you ask a few questions yourself during the interview. Some interviewers make their decision to hire in the first ten minutes. Other interviewers keep asking questions and more questions, those are the jobs l never get. Don't forget to smile, because it seems like your anxiety is building up, and a genuine smile will help dissipate your anxious persona.

 

[Mary Terry]

You have a lot on your plate right now! Deep breath, park yourself in front of the computer and take one little step toward revising the paper. I bet that once you get started, then your work will flow.

At least you have a vacation coming up, assuming you can find a pet sitter. We have a hard time finding people to take care of our pets when we travel. Our kids usually have excuses - they live too far away to come every day, or their kids take up all their time or something else. I do have an elderly neighbor who will feed my cats if she is in town. I always feed her cat when she travels. Can you ask a neighbor to help with your pet?

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Good luck with the interview. All you can do is give your best. Perhaps just stay active searching out jobs, this also will help you with the interview, as it will center you, because you will focus on job descriptions, which will end up helping you ask a few questions yourself during the interview. Some interviewers make their decision to hire in the first ten minutes. Other interviewers keep asking questions and more questions, those are the jobs l never get. Don't forget to smile, because it seems like your anxiety is building up, and a genuine smile will help dissipate your anxious persona.

Thanks, I appreciate it. Job descriptions don't help me much in this case because they all say the same anyway. I'm applying to be a doctor in training, and I have a very clear picture of what that will involve. Employers all use the same terms to describe what they're looking for. In the end, I will have to see at the specific interview what they're like. I will try to remember to smile! I know it's hard to believe, but I'm actually a very optimistic person. It's just when this anxiety builds up that I start freaking out.

At least you have a vacation coming up, assuming you can find a pet sitter. We have a hard time finding people to take care of our pets when we travel. Our kids usually have excuses - they live too far away to come every day, or their kids take up all their time or something else. I do have an elderly neighbor who will feed my cats if she is in town. I always feed her cat when she travels. Can you ask a neighbor to help with your pet?

We do ask our elderly neighbour usually, but in this case the vacation is too long, we can't ask him for that. So for the first time we will hire a professional pet-sitter. We already have a website and everything, but so far people have said no and I am getting a bit nervous. We will find someone, though, I am positive. Just nervous. It all adds together.

 

[Aspychata]

Okay, l was married to a doctor. He still expects me to handle his resume and scout out his job offers. But there is a huge shortage in MD's right now. You got this!!

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Okay, l was married to a doctor. He still expects me to handle his resume and scout out his job offers. But there is a huge shortage in MD's right now. You got this!!

I don't mind the written work at all, I wrote a great CV and application, give me some written work and I'll nail it just the real-life interviews are way scarier. I hate having to make up an answer on the spot.

 

[Aspychata]

Go to a mirror, ask yourself a question, smile, give a pause, think, then answer. You can buy time, by saying, that's a great question. You just buy time, ask them to clarify question. Or just meet up with a career coach for interview coaching. I did drag my person in for coaching. They told him to speak with more energy, he can come across as kind of no energy, so this helped him target that weakness.

 

[marc_101]

I'm not sure what's the best strategy, but one suggestion is to focus on doing your best without worries about future consequences. Maybe you get the job, maybe you don't. Maybe the job is a couple of months later so you have time to plan. Or give yourself permission to worry only about one thing?

What do you usually do in these cases? Any meds you could use to calm down? It's short term.

 

[Au Naturel]

I find it close to impossible to concentrate enough to work on that paper.

I could never force myself to do boring things.

Just get it started. Getting it started is most of the battle. Your mind is catastrophizing over how boring it will be. Just get it started, and you'll discover it isn't so bad. Do it in bite-sized chunks if you need to.

Every journey begins with a single step. One step isn't so bad, is it? Then you work until you run low on juice and do something else until the tank is full again.

 

[MNAus]

One tip for interviews is to shift away from thinking "I have to convince them I'm good enough" or even the more brash "they have to convince me I should work for them". I always approach with the assumption that it will be a great match and I just need to help explain to them how cool it will be. I treat it like they asked me "so, we're thinking of going to this theme park (your favourite), can you please tell us why that would be a good move?" The response is a lot less about trying to justify yourself and a lot more about helping them understand a self evident truth. You'll tend to start your answers with positive words like "absolutely" or "I understand" or similar. So the thought is "I AM good enough for this job, they just don't understand it yet. How can I help them become enlightened?"

On boring work. I wish I could help. I'm typing this to avoid doing work I find boring, which is most work other than structuring solutions to complex problems.

On big changes. I've moved country a few times and my work has seen me turn up in very unfamiliar situations often (I've been to quite a lot of places). What works for me is sort of "anchor" points. So I'm happy if I know lots of detail about a handful of points in the day (or over the first weeks). That can be knowing a certain area a bit better, a certain venue, a bus service, whatever. You don't need to tame all the unfamiliarity, but having bots and pieces that seem familiar can make you feel less lost at sea. IF you're moving city, you can use Google Maps streetview to do a 360 of somewhere you might visit (e.g. outside a coffee shop you can go to). For me that triggers a feeling of "oh yeah, I recognise this" that although artificially manufactured, kind of tricks my brain into releasing "we know this place" feelings. But again, my brain is a systemising beast, so seeding that is what gives me comfort. YMMV.

 

[Rodafina]

So many big and stressful things, @AuroraBorealis. It is quite understandable that anxiety is trying to steer the ship right now.

I think it's an okay time to recognize the enormity of stressful events and challenges you are facing right now. Recognize them with an eye toward self compassion and understanding.

I would encourage you, as much as possible, to take things one small step at a time. Even though there is a mountain of difficult things looming, it may be helpful to stay focused on just the next imminent thing. You can prioritize what needs your attention today and stay focused on that challenge.

In between each step, be sure to take a deep breath, recognize small victories along the way, and give yourself some credit for persevering through multiple challenges. Also, focus on food, water, and sleep. You can't function through hardship when your most basic needs are being overlooked. Wishing you resilience as you go forth!

 

[jsilver256]

Sorry you are having all these upcoming things. But they sound like positive changes too!

My therapist had a long explanation, but basically, the ASD brain melts down when confronted with too many issues at once. And it takes a lot of time for it to "cool off" and switch to another issue.

The solution my therapist suggested was to pick ONE issue everyday, then push out everything except that issue.

 

[vergil96]

I'm nervous about similar things myself recently. I'm finishing the degree, defense is in 2 weeks, I still don't have all the needed grades and just handed in the thesis. I just had a job interview on top of it. Maybe I'll start working soon too, in September (I refuse to begin in August, because I'll just collapse without a month of a break). I think I'm doing fine with regard to autism recently, but I'm very tired by everything that has happened over the last year and need some rest. What is the worst recently is the not regular enough lifestyle, but it's going to be fine in a regular corporate job. There are so many questions about what working full time looks like, if I won't burn out again.

Potentially moving to a different city on top of it has to be very stressful too. Job interviews and then starting to work full time (instead of practice days or internships) are enough to deal with on their own.

 

[jsilver256]

I'm nervous about similar things myself recently. I'm finishing the degree, defense is in 2 weeks, I still don't have all the needed grades and just handed in the thesis. I just had a job interview on top of it. Maybe I'll start working soon too, in September (I refuse to begin in August, because I'll just collapse without a month of a break). I think I'm doing fine with regard to autism recently, but I'm very tired by everything that has happened over the last year and need some rest. What is the worst recently is the not regular enough lifestyle, but it's going to be fine in a regular corporate job. There are so many questions about what working full time looks like, if I won't burn out again.

Potentially moving to a different city on top of it has to be very stressful too. Job interviews and then starting to work full time (instead of practice days or internships) are enough to deal with on their own.

You are doing amazing. Good luck with your defense

 

[Aspychata]

Good luck also to @vergil96 !

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I'm nervous about similar things myself recently. I'm finishing the degree, defense is in 2 weeks, I still don't have all the needed grades and just handed in the thesis. I just had a job interview on top of it. Maybe I'll start working soon too, in September (I refuse to begin in August, because I'll just collapse without a month of a break). I think I'm doing fine with regard to autism recently, but I'm very tired by everything that has happened over the last year and need some rest. What is the worst recently is the not regular enough lifestyle, but it's going to be fine in a regular corporate job. There are so many questions about what working full time looks like, if I won't burn out again.

Potentially moving to a different city on top of it has to be very stressful too. Job interviews and then starting to work full time (instead of practice days or internships) are enough to deal with on their own.

I wish you good luck with your defense, you can do it, and keep in mind how relieved you'll be when it's over!

The solution my therapist suggested was to pick ONE issue everyday, then push out everything except that issue.

That's actually good advice. I'm not sure how to implement it, though, because my to-do lists have rather small items, so I can't just focus on only one task because too many things would be left. But I might cluster them into categories - one category paper, one category job interview, one category trip. That might work. The only thing is that it would make me very nervous to do nothing for one category for an entire day. Maybe I just need to try it, though. Trying to multi-task is wearing me down, and I don't get that much done anyway.

Just get it started. Getting it started is most of the battle. Your mind is catastrophizing over how boring it will be. Just get it started, and you'll discover it isn't so bad. Do it in bite-sized chunks if you need to.

Every journey begins with a single step. One step isn't so bad, is it? Then you work until you run low on juice and do something else until the tank is full again.

I'm already doing just that. But it's quite a long-term thing that'll take me another week at least, IF I manage to work consistently on it every day and get stuff done. Boring long-term work with no real short-term wins is an ordeal. Thank you for the motivation, though, I appreciate it.