Deciding to be single

[foliodoe]

I hope it is making you feel better.

I was with my love for eight years. Because of the hurt I felt I do not want to be in another relationship. There were many incredibly wonderful times too and it was very worth it to me. Before I was with her I always wanted a a girlfriend. It hurt me all the time when I would think about it. I was lonely and wanted so much to love someone and be with them. After being with her all the things I wondered about, about relationships, I knew about. So I do not have those questions any more and I do not feel the need or desire for a girlfriend.

My brain annoys me because it still thinks about sex, I really wish it wouldn't. It is off-topic for me to mention it but I always thought sex was stupid. I understood the attraction and it was wonderful but it when I had that feeling of attraction it built until I could not think of anything else and logic went away, the we had sex and my brain came back to normal and I could think again and did not desire sex. Then later the desire would come back like I never had it.

I can relate to what you're describing here.

When I was younger, I mostly focused so much on relationships because I just wanted to prove to myself that I could figure it out. It felt like a challenge for me to overcome, so that I could understand more about how the world works and how humans function. Like you say, now that I've had lots of experience with romance, it's not interesting anymore. It feels like it would be a lot of work just to repeat experiences I've already had, many of which were not pleasant.

I still rely on relationships too much for validation and I still feel the urge to date. That urge is more like an ex-addict's craving rather than a meaningful desire.

 

[foliodoe]

Rehashing certain triggers today has made me feel even better about choosing to be single. Ugh
Now I need to go eat chocolate and watch mindless TV or something to cleanse my brain. I've done enough processing for today.

My heart goes out to you! This has been what I'm going through for about a year now. My previous romantic relationship was kind of like a lynchpin that was holding together all of my beliefs about myself and the world. When that changed, it cast a new light on everything! I have been grappling with all of it non-stop and it's exhausting.

 

[Luca]

My heart goes out to you! This has been what I'm going through for about a year now. My previous romantic relationship was kind of like a lynchpin that was holding together all of my beliefs about myself and the world. When that changed, it cast a new light on everything! I have been grappling with all of it non-stop and it's exhausting.

Thank you! I hope you can get some peace of mind now. Sometimes you see things completely differently when you get out of a situation you've been in for a long time.

It is exhausting. Stay strong!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Rehashing certain triggers today has made me feel even better about choosing to be single. Ugh
Now I need to go eat chocolate and watch mindless TV or something to cleanse my brain. I've done enough processing for today.

What is your favorite chocolate. Today bought 2 lb. of chocolate-peppermint bark at Costco. I also like Sander's Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

My heart goes out to you! This has been what I'm going through for about a year now. My previous romantic relationship was kind of like a lynchpin that was holding together all of my beliefs about myself and the world. When that changed, it cast a new light on everything! I have been grappling with all of it non-stop and it's exhausting.

This is the hazard of expecting validation external to yourself. It is seductive initially and then you lose touch with yourself. I KNOW that I am an interesting person who can be a great companion and lover. I did not always feel that way. The only way out of self-pity is to like yourself and know you have the resilience to learn from mistakes to be the best that you can be in your next try. It took me a few stumbles to meet my spouse. Identical or harmonious interests, a love of nature, in a profession of helping others, kind to me when I needed it most, has had us together for 44 years. At the time, she was the relationship I needed, with a shy, smart, woman.

 

[Luca]

What is your favorite chocolate. Today bought 2 lb. of chocolate-peppermint bark at Costco. I also like Sander's Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels.

I love peppermint bark! And sea salt caramels.
My favorite chocolate is probably hazelnut milk chocolate, but it's a tough decision.

Is peppermint bark your favorite?

(Also sorry for going so off-topic lol, but chocolate is good for relationship woes)

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I love peppermint bark! And sea salt caramels.
My favorite chocolate is probably hazelnut milk chocolate, but it's a tough decision.

Is peppermint bark your favorite?

(Also sorry for going so off-topic lol, but chocolate is good for relationship woes)

My favorite are Fannie Mae Trinidads. Next is peppermint bark followed by the caramels and Costco's Praline Pecans.

 

[foliodoe]

My favorite are Fannie Mae Trinidads. Next is peppermint bark followed by the caramels and Costco's Praline Pecans.

View attachment 90710

Wow, those look interesting... Can I find those in the US?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Wow, those look interesting... Can I find those in the US?

Yes. They were mainly in Chicago.

 

[Markness]

Instead of saying just "No"
you could try saying, "Not yet."

But how can I say “Yes!” eventually?

 

[Markness]

Markness, I understand some of the loneliness of being alone among couples. Are you exploring all the ways you can meet women? I was talking to somebody about music and dancing and mentioned I enjoy the Cedar Polkafest where I dance with every woman who cares to polka. Soon, I get offers to dance from all ages.

I see that there are Polka festivals in Texas, both Czeck and Polish. Can you polka? Go, enjoy the food and music and start asking women to dance. At the end of the night you will be worn out and have many admirers that I bet you can follow up with.

I haven’t seen any polka events happening locally.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

But how can I say “Yes!” eventually?

Reread some of the things that @tree and I have been trying to tell you. You can get to that yes when you see yourself as interesting and have some positives to bring into the relationship.