Did we break up cause he is an Aspie?

[Jane Smith]

You are insensitive and horrible. I am leaving this site and sincerity hope you get what you deserve! A person is hurt and you kick them while they’re down? I hope Karma shows you grace

Yeah some people on this site are extremely rude. xD. But I don't think they think they are. I think they're just trying to be honest. Whenever I make a post, I have to judge which ones are nasty by the first sentence. The site, overall, is EXTREMELY helpful. However, a few insensitive posts can ruin the experience, and make new comers feel alienated. I had to take a break, myself, for a while.

I don't know if this man is Aspie since it wasn't confirmed, but a lot of what happened between you seems like miscommunication. And a lack of education on both of your parts. If he is Aspie, you needed education on how to work with his behavior. If he isn't Aspie, he needed to learn how to communicate and be more sensitive towards your emotions.

A lot of what he did may have not been personal. The guy I am with does a lot of "insensitive" things. However, I understand how he is, so I don't take big offense to it. It helps that most of my family is on the spectrum, too. I am also on this site a lot. As painful as some of the comments can be, it overall has given me a lot of perspective.

Regardless, maybe you would just be happier in another relationship? That way you can meet someone who can meet your needs and vice versa.

 

[Cassandra]

Yeah some people on this site are extremely rude. xD. But I don't think they think they are. I think they're just trying to be honest. Whenever I make a post, I have to judge which ones are nasty by the first sentence. The site, overall, is EXTREMELY helpful. However, a few insensitive posts can ruin the experience, and make new comers feel alienated. I had to take a break, myself, for a while.

I don't know if this man is Aspie since it wasn't confirmed, but a lot of what happened between you seems like miscommunication. And a lack of education on both of your parts. If he is Aspie, you needed education on how to work with his behavior. If he isn't Aspie, he needed to learn how to communicate and be more sensitive towards your emotions.

A lot of what he did may have not been personal. The guy I am with does a lot of "insensitive" things. However, I understand how he is, so I don't take big offense to it. It helps that most of my family is on the spectrum, too. I am also on this site a lot. As painful as some of the comments can be, it overall has given me a lot of perspective.

Regardless, maybe you would just be happier in another relationship? That way you can meet someone who can meet your needs and vice versa.

Thanks Jane,

You're right. I wish I had known or he had known - or maybe he isn't but from all the insights I've gotten from this forum it does seem like all roads do lead to Rome. We do/did have alot of communication issues. It felt that we were trying to arrive at the same destination but from different routes. I have never met anyone on the spectrum before (that I am aware of) nor have I had any sort of personal relationship with anyone on the spectrum (that I am aware of) so very admittedly, I only operate from an NT perspective when it comes to expectations of my romantic partner in terms of communication, sensitivity to my feelings and accountability for one's own actions. And I'm sure he has his own expectations of what he would need from me or how he wants to navigate situations. There were a lot of assumptions and taken-for-granted's on both sides.

Now that I (think) I have more information, I have been doing some "research" and trying to tailor my responses and approaches to make things a bit more suitable for him and he does appreciate it and is a bit softer with me but still misses some key perspectives; but I am human and so when I had a bad day or get upset about our current situation and try to talk with him about it, he gets defensive/logical or just cruel and then I get upset and then we revert back to old forms, even though I should know its not personal it still hurts to be ignored and made to feel invisible or like your feelings don't matter. I'm still foolishly trying to operate from my NT stance with him (even if just to make our living situation tolerable) when I know it's not going to work.....its really sad and heart-breaking. It's like the only way for me to communicate with him....is not to share any feelings that implicate him in any sort of negative way.....We can talk about the weather, school, etc but nothing beneath that surface

Funny, I've always thought it was better for people to intentionally hurt you than unintentionally. At least if they know they are doing it so they can stop.

Anyway, thanks for your insights. It does help. I really appreciate you taking the time to write back. Thank you.

 

[Giraffes]

Hi i feel some comments have been harsh and unreasonably biased against you, i have Aspergers as does my partner and have experienced all of the things you've shared, i choose to almost make it my life to get some understanding and togetherness from a person who always said 'i'm ok you're the problem', want it all your own way, overthink everything are obsessive who was unavailable emotionally and very much living his life his way regardless that we were sharing a life together, it's now other and like yourself it'll be a while till he can move out and i can move on, concentrate on looking after yourself, doing what makes you happy as this time will pass.