Did you ever argue with your parents growing up?

[savi83]

Hi everybody,

I have recently read a post on here which made me think about the relationship that I had with my parents growing up.

I grew up with two younger sisters; the first is two years younger and the second is seven years younger than me.

Growing up they would get into an argument with my parents at least once or twice a week, sometimes they would get really heated and doors would get slammed, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I had disagreements over somethings with my parents but we just talked it through. Sometimes they would side with me, but the majority of the time I would get an understanding of their reasons behind their decision and I would agree with them.

I can remember many occasions where my sisters got grounded, but nobody can recall a time where I have been grounded.

Can anyone relate to this, or is it just that my sisters lead a "wilder" life than I?

 

[WereBear]

We might come to "logic" earlier, and stay longer.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Hey, savi. My answer to your question: very often. To this day it's still happening because I'm pretty much a child inside a grown man's body. I tend to be very stubborn, unreasonable, and always have my own unique opinion about things; I've been told by parents that I tend to live in my own little world.

Not saying that I disagree. I'm an only child by the way so no siblings to argue with. I have so little in common with my parents, and I constantly wish that I had a lot more in common with them. Sometimes I even ask them if I was adopted; they love me very very much but I just feel like an alien from outer space regardless. I know I make myself feel that way. And that goes for every environment I'm ever in, especially ones where I'm unloved and unappreciated. I just wish I could agree with my parents on many more things, share the same opinions, cause fewer arguments.

Other than my anger problems and jitteriness, which often led to behavioral problems at home (they still do), I was overall a good kid. Hardly ever did anything that would warrant grounding. Behaved better than the average teenager, but still experienced angry outbursts - and to this day I still do, like I said I'm a child inside a grown-up's body.

I really really wish I could just somehow change the way I think and the way I behave so that I could get along better with people in general.

 

[Mia]

Think it must depend on the way parents perceive of their children. My own were far more restrictive with females in the family, which meant that things my brother could do were permitted. Whereas many of the freedoms he had, females were not allowed to have.

Things such as staying out late, driving the family car, being independent at an early age. We were judged much more harshly if we showed independence of any kind, and there was usually no logical discussion, much more in the way of absolute rules and directives. For our own protection. Which of course, taught us to be less independent early on, and more fearful.

I once came home withe a black eye, and my brother once came home with a black eye. I was punished for getting into a fight, and my brother wasn't. Because it's 'how boys are'. Perhaps my experiences are different, yet, unequal treatment seemed the norm at the time.

 

[Streetwise]

No i COULDNT and still cant understand polar opposite points of view
i wasnt wild ,but my sister was more confident than me
my mother was rigid if she thought she was right
but my childhood was different to yours

 

[Danny 74]

I wouldnt dare argue or answer my mum & dad back.. Id get a good right hand round the side of my head....! I loved the disciplined way i was brought up...! It taught me manners and respect for my elders...!

 

[xudo]

To a degree during my teenage years, but certainly less than NT's I knew growing up. My sister didn't really but she was the youngest, the favourite (still is) and got away with murder.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I fought with my parents all the time growing up, and still do sometimes. Despite the fact that my mom was the one who figured out I'm autistic, they still tried to force me to be social and fit in, and to this day they expect me to be okay with stuff like last-minute changes.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I fought with my parents all the time growing up, and still do sometimes. Despite the fact that my mom was the one who figured out I'm autistic, they still tried to force me to be social and fit in, and to this day they expect me to be okay with stuff like last-minute changes.

I cannot stand last-minute changes (unless they're good changes, naturally). I cannot stand anticipating and looking forward to things only to have them...ugh...not happen and finding out about it hours or even days or weeks before it should have happened. Even if it's just a possibility I still go completely bonkers. And with my behavioral issues it just doesn't combine well, not well at all.

I did something I'm not proud of a couple of years back. My family and I were going to take a trip I was really excited for, and my father accidentally hurt his back a week before. Instead of expressing sympathy, I threw a tantrum, about how we're not gonna be going on the trip on that specific week, and how I've been looking forward to this for months, blah blah. It's as if I was actually blaming my father and it hurt his feelings. He got mad, and I even asked him "whoa that was fast, why didn't you try to at least be calm first"?

And it makes perfect sense now why he wasn't calm at first. I was being a jerk. I hate myself for this and it just shows that I'm a terrible, terrible son. First I hurt my dad's feelings and then I wonder why he's mad. I just wonder how God didn't punish me for my sins, because Dad's back improved later and we took the trip as scheduled. Let's just say God rewarded my dad in this particular case.

All because of some change. Also, because of my paranoia as to "what if we keep postponing this trip and more bad stuff will happen and we end up just not taking it at all?" Whenever I come to my senses I realize what I have done but then it's already been done. It's followed by guilt, remorse and self-hatred. Yet it does teach me lessons. We actually had to postpone another trip to the same city by a week last year, also due to health related stuff and I didn't act like a total jerk. I still threw a bit of a tantrum but the difference was marked.

 

[tree]

No.
Sometimes I thought things and said them.
And then they told me I was wrong and bad to think of them.
But I didn't argue.

Arguing is fighting.
There wasn't any point in fighting with my parents.
I was the kid.
They were the grown ups.

 

[Gritches]

My situation with that was kind of weird. My parents were never on the same team. My brothers (7 and 8 years older) were always in trouble and always fighting with my mom, both verbally and physically - blood, broken bones, everything. Lots of lying to ER staff and social workers; they even coached me on what to say if someone was asking me questions. My dad just kind of let it happen, because it was my mom who was the one always spoiling for a fight, and she has a real problem with the word "no". My brothers both ran away by 16 and stayed gone.

This must've weighed on my dad because he didn't let the same thing happen with me. He took a more active role with me. Once I was old enough to start getting into significant trouble, which was pretty much every day partly because of my "tantrums", it was him the school/police called to come get me, and it was only he who would know what happened. He was never upset with me, we just had a calm, rational discussion about what happened on the way home. Often we just sat in the driveway and kept talking. When we were done, he'd just say "don't tell mom", and we'd go inside and proceed with life like nothing ever happened. I have no memory of anything that would constitute "consequences". My dad's awesome.

So yeah, my siblings had it way worse off than I did.

 

[SusanLR]

Hey, savi. My answer to your question: very often. To this day it's still happening because I'm pretty much a child inside a grown man's body. I tend to be very stubborn, unreasonable, and always have my own unique opinion about things; I've been told by parents that I tend to live in my own little world.

Not saying that I disagree. I'm an only child by the way so no siblings to argue with. I have so little in common with my parents, and I constantly wish that I had a lot more in common with them. Sometimes I even ask them if I was adopted; they love me very very much but I just feel like an alien from outer space regardless. I know I make myself feel that way. And that goes for every environment I'm ever in, especially ones where I'm unloved and unappreciated. I just wish I could agree with my parents on many more things, share the same opinions, cause fewer arguments.

Other than my anger problems and jitteriness, which often led to behavioral problems at home (they still do), I was overall a good kid. Hardly ever did anything that would warrant grounding. Behaved better than the average teenager, but still experienced angry outbursts - and to this day I still do, like I said I'm a child inside a grown-up's body.

I really really wish I could just somehow change the way I think and the way I behave so that I could get along better with people in general.

I was the same. No siblings to fuss with, but, tantrums and meltdowns all the time.
I couldn't be disciplined. If it was verbal, I argued incessantly back. If my parents tried physical spanking discipline..the same, I fought back.
I am still lke that today with people. Don't like to fight and argue, but, I stand my ground and don't back down unless I know or it can be proved my actions or views were incorrect.
Sometimes I just get restless and disgusted feelings about situtations and act out. That's not really logical as I only feel worse inside and physically for the anger that flares.
I talked with my psychologist about this and was told it pretty much goes with the territory to be stubborn. She has two children on the spectrum too.

 

[ksheehan88]

I think a more appropriate question would be; did I ever get along with my parents?

To clarify, the answer is definitely not. I grew up thinking they hated me. I get along better with them now I'm independent, but I still dislike my Dad and always will.

 

[stringer]

No.
Sometimes I thought things and said them.
And then they told me I was wrong and bad to think of them.
But I didn't argue.

Arguing is fighting.
There wasn't any point in fighting with my parents.
I was the kid.
They were the grown ups.

I think I decided fairly early on that it wasn't worth arguing. Perhaps I should have done, though, because in the end I really just didn't communicate with them at all. Kind of sad, in retrospect; they are now dead, and I never really got to know them.

 

[Maelstrom]

I tend to fight for what I think is right too much...am usually right too!
Now I try to measure the damage first to see if it is worth fighting for.
Autism social triggers are a problem too my Mom figured forcing more social stuff on me would cure me...usually just ended up stressing me and blowing the situation sideways.
Of course her being a last minute dump it in your lap and run kind of person doesn't help at all I hate surprises and having 10 minutes to get ready for a social even is not helpful to ones mental state of mind either.
I guess it is a compulsive trait she never could change that, she always goes down to the last minute on everything.