Did you have an identity shift?

[Berkana]

I was officially diagnosed with ASD a little over a month ago. While it was not even a little surprising to me, what I’ve been experiencing is. An … overturning of what I “knew” about my reality. I used to think I could read people and situations so well, I thought it was a strength of mine. The more I reflect and see things with my new knowledge and think back, the more I see how inaccurate I was about so many things. How wrong I was about how people felt, or if people were taking advantage of me, or how I came across in situations, etc. So much is coming back, and I see it with new eyes. I understand memory cannot really be trusted, but I’m noticing it in my current day-to-day as well.

I’ve had my reality flipped before and I think it’s healthy. However, I suppose I didn’t realize just how tightly I held onto my illusions. I’ve been wrong a million times before, but this feels different, this feels like I woke up one day and I wasn’t the character I thought I was. This shift is interesting to me, and I think ultimately a good thing for my life. This has helped me have less of a stranglehold on what I think is happening and allowed me to simply experience more situations without a preconceived idea, it’s been rather freeing. Hopefully, it will continue.

While I think most of us know we’re different from an early age, did you experience seeing things with a whole new perspective after finding out you were on the ASD, or did nothing really change for you?

 

[Aspychata]

Think l struggled with my identfy after serious bully behavior by my ex- husband. Now l stand up for myself probably more than l ever did.

Being on the spectrum for me now means it's okay to be alone. I don't need to explain that anymore.

It also means you can't push me around. My new identity is relaxed about who l am. But it took serious work getting here.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Diagnosed at 60, 11 years ago, so, my identity was set in stone. Knowing only made me understand myself better. Aaaaahhh, but from 14 to 28, I had to reassemble myself to just have agency.

 

[Unclewolverine]

Self is an ever shifting construct. I have had to reassess and and adjust myself many times over the years.

 

[Suzette]

My values are set in stone. Those values make up the core of my being. Interestingly, holding certain values dear does not actually mean you are good at them. So I am always measuring myself against those values which represent my ideal of who I am.

I only figured out I am on the spectrum a few weeks ago. This core value system changed not at all. What has changed is seeing my "failures" from a different perspective. Instead of thinking I suck because I failed at something, I have a new point of view so I can try again with better technique and understanding.

 

[SusanLR]

It didn't change me or how I feel about myself.
Diagnosed in my mid 50's and now I'm 64, I am too set in my ways to even want to change
anything.
It did help me to understand many of my ways and the way I thought about life.
Now I understand the quirks that are a part of me and why I've been different.
I'm glad I was diagnosed for those reasons.

 

[Progster]

Yes, it did make me re-evaluate my life, experiences, difficulties, relationships and interactions with other people. Examining them in the context of my Asperger's diagnosis, a lot of them made more sense. I'm now more likely to accept myself being the way I am and less likely to mask or want to fit in, but other than that, I'm still the same person.

 

[Au Naturel]

Nothing really changed. I had decided long ago that my judgment of other people's intent - and how I thought they viewed me - was way off. Too often there was a big difference between what I thought and what it actually turned out to be. The only possible conclusion is that I was missing what was really going on.

 

[Thinx]

Yes I definitely saw myself and my life differently when I understood about ASD1/Aspergers. It was a very useful explanation and context for understanding some of my life experiences and struggles. Also I have re-evaluated some of what I thought I knew about myself.

One difficulty around the process you describe I think, is that because autism and indeed minority experience generally, tends to be negatively perceived and described in society, this can impact us as we take on an identity that seems to fit. So for example you mention realising you are less good at something than you thought, but not a positive trait you have seen in yourself as being part of your autism identity.

I would say we as a group tend to have many strengths and abilities and attributes that go unnoticed or are misunderstood or actively derided. I find my logical thinking a strength, which I have learned to trust and develop over the years and which saves me to a large extent from anxiety.

Since understanding that ASD is a factor for me, I have also learned to lessen and curb emotional melt downs that tended to detract from my ability to sort out difficulties I was up against, and to keep calm and rely more on my good thinking skills.

 

[Tom]

Yes, it did have a strong re-evaluating and reconstructive effect. Not all at once but over time, sort of a rematuring (if thats a word). Painful at times but ultimately a good development as my remodeled self was built on firmer ground.

 

[Luminous]

I am experiencing this too. I am realizing how wrong I have been about things. I felt the only footing I had in my relationships with others was knowing I was correct about my perception of things. The good thing is with this new diagnosis, I feel good about admitting I was wrong or I am wrong. Masking can take a toll on how we see ourselves - it’s a survival mode - and it’s harder to reflect and grow when we’re constantly in survival mode.

You said it perfectly “feels like I woke up one day and I wasn’t the character I thought I was”. I guess we’re really being ourselves and learning these new roles.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I was officially diagnosed with ASD a little over a month ago. While it was not even a little surprising to me, what I’ve been experiencing is. An … overturning of what I “knew” about my reality. I used to think I could read people and situations so well, I thought it was a strength of mine. The more I reflect and see things with my new knowledge and think back, the more I see how inaccurate I was about so many things. How wrong I was about how people felt, or if people were taking advantage of me, or how I came across in situations, etc. So much is coming back, and I see it with new eyes. I understand memory cannot really be trusted, but I’m noticing it in my current day-to-day as well.

I’ve had my reality flipped before and I think it’s healthy. However, I suppose I didn’t realize just how tightly I held onto my illusions. I’ve been wrong a million times before, but this feels different, this feels like I woke up one day and I wasn’t the character I thought I was. This shift is interesting to me, and I think ultimately a good thing for my life. This has helped me have less of a stranglehold on what I think is happening and allowed me to simply experience more situations without a preconceived idea, it’s been rather freeing. Hopefully, it will continue.

While I think most of us know we’re different from an early age, did you experience seeing things with a whole new perspective after finding out you were on the ASD, or did nothing really change for you?

My short response is that I agree, there was an identity shift with myself,...much like you have described.

The longer response is that this phenomenon likely falls under what is known as the Dunning-Kruger effect. There are many ways to describe the D-K effect, but typically it goes something like this,..."Some people know just enough about a topic to think they are experts, but lack the knowledge to know when they are wrong." I have also heard it to be that "Stupid people think they are much smarter than they are." Also, "The more you know about a topic, the more willing you are to admit you don't know enough about that topic." Plenty of variations on those themes.

So, it is with my identity shift,...thinking I was really good at something,...and in my case, actually being formally tested,...and realizing I was average or below average in some cases. Vice-versa, I was exceptional at some things I wasn't aware of. Welcome to autism 101,...asymmetric intelligences. As someone who now actively seeks out testing and knowledge about myself, it has made me more self aware about my strengths and weaknesses.

 

[Ken]

I was officially diagnosed with ASD a little over a month ago. While it was not even a little surprising to me, what I’ve been experiencing is. An … overturning of what I “knew” about my reality. I used to think I could read people and situations so well, I thought it was a strength of mine. The more I reflect and see things with my new knowledge and think back, the more I see how inaccurate I was about so many things. How wrong I was about how people felt, or if people were taking advantage of me, or how I came across in situations, etc. So much is coming back, and I see it with new eyes. I understand memory cannot really be trusted, but I’m noticing it in my current day-to-day as well.

I’ve had my reality flipped before and I think it’s healthy. However, I suppose I didn’t realize just how tightly I held onto my illusions. I’ve been wrong a million times before, but this feels different, this feels like I woke up one day and I wasn’t the character I thought I was. This shift is interesting to me, and I think ultimately a good thing for my life. This has helped me have less of a stranglehold on what I think is happening and allowed me to simply experience more situations without a preconceived idea, it’s been rather freeing. Hopefully, it will continue.

While I think most of us know we’re different from an early age, did you experience seeing things with a whole new perspective after finding out you were on the ASD, or did nothing really change for you?

Excellent thread!

My "diagnosis" did not change who I am or even how I perceive myself. That does not mean my diagnosis was not meaningful or changed anything. In fact, it was a profound pivot point dividing my life between before and after the diagnosis.

Who I am has never changed. I am still the same person I was when I was born. The same as when I was 5 years old or 20, 30, 40...60, etc. The difference is in granularity. At every age in my life, I always thought I fully understood life. But all the years, like a perpetual class where I am studying and learning just exactly who I am and why life is the way it is, keeps adding definition to my life.

My pivot point was Greta Thunberg. The first time I saw Greta was a news story of her giving a speech. In her speech, she stated that she was autistic. That really stumped me, because no one with autism could give a speech like that. I knew because I had seen the movie, "Rain Man", so I knew that wasn't autism. At the same time I didn't think anyone would lie about something like that. So, I started researching autism. The more I researched, the finer the granularity of my life became. It was like my life was like a digital image made with large pixels and the pixels started becoming finer and and finer. The image of my life started coming into focus. My life was already becoming more and more in focus throughout all the decades, but this Greta point abruptly slapped my life into very sharp focus and brightly lit.

I think the age of diagnosis makes a difference and/or how the diagnosis takes place. I am self-diagnosed, but through a discover process instead of a diagnosing an issue process. A diagnosis is almost never considered a good thing. Most diagnosis are to define a clinical issue. For me, almost every diagnosis I have been given made me feel like I was being accused. Like when my doctor said, you have type-1 diabetes, or you have celiac disease or you have crohn's disease, etc. Each of these are something one goes to the doctor for because of a problem. The diagnosis defines and labels the problem. My Greta point; my autism "diagnosis" was not a doctor "accusing" me of something. It was a discovery clarifying and bringing my life into clear view. I'm certain that this is not the end of my school of life. Who knows, there may more pivot points yet to come, but I have to say this one is the grandest - and most welcome - of any so far.

 

[Aspychata]

Then in regards to the above post. I have been truly ignorant of me. And not much motivated to be concerned. It was somebody else l was researching that brought me here. Then l identified with many things l read here. So l don't have a negative affect, more like oh, gotta it. Now l need to get back to the sandbox of life.

 

[Berkana]

Think l struggled with my identfy after serious bully behavior by my ex- husband. Now l stand up for myself probably more than l ever did.

Being on the spectrum for me now means it's okay to be alone. I don't need to explain that anymore.

It also means you can't push me around. My new identity is relaxed about who l am. But it took serious work getting here.

I have also found this realization has helped me to be okay with slowing down or taking it easier on myself. Asking for more of what I need, I've found myself being kinder to myself. It's nice.

 

[Berkana]

Self is an ever shifting construct. I have had to reassess and and adjust myself many times over the years.

I think about self and no-self often. In my no-self thoughts, I think of how each moment is a new moment and can be a new self, like a constant reconstruction throughout the day. Then there's the part of me that functions in this world and it's harder to accept that. I do believe it but it's tough in practice for me at times.

 

[Berkana]

I am experiencing this too. I am realizing how wrong I have been about things. I felt the only footing I had in my relationships with others was knowing I was correct about my perception of things. The good thing is with this new diagnosis, I feel good about admitting I was wrong or I am wrong. Masking can take a toll on how we see ourselves - it’s a survival mode - and it’s harder to reflect and grow when we’re constantly in survival mode.

You said it perfectly “feels like I woke up one day and I wasn’t the character I thought I was”. I guess we’re really being ourselves and learning these new roles.

I had the thought that masking may have played a part in my own delusion, I'm happy you brought that up, thank you.

 

[Berkana]

My short response is that I agree, there was an identity shift with myself,...much like you have described.

The longer response is that this phenomenon likely falls under what is known as the Dunning-Kruger effect. There are many ways to describe the D-K effect, but typically it goes something like this,..."Some people know just enough about a topic to think they are experts, but lack the knowledge to know when they are wrong." I have also heard it to be that "Stupid people think they are much smarter than they are." Also, "The more you know about a topic, the more willing you are to admit you don't know enough about that topic." Plenty of variations on those themes.

So, it is with my identity shift,...thinking I was really good at something,...and in my case, actually being formally tested,...and realizing I was average or below average in some cases. Vice-versa, I was exceptional at some things I wasn't aware of. Welcome to autism 101,...asymmetric intelligences. As someone who now actively seeks out testing and knowledge about myself, it has made me more self aware about my strengths and weaknesses.

I understand that. So often (at work mostly) I spent so much time and energy thinking of what the correct response would be in as many situations as I could try to prepare for. It was really eye-opening for me, and possibly the impetus for this thread, when my son and I were talking about him forgetting an assignment that was due for school, I made a face like, "yikes!" and he told me, "Don't be like that, don't do that face, it's not a big deal." I responded with, "I didn't even feel like it was, I just did that because I thought it was the right response for the situation." I realized at that moment how often my energy is used trying to prep for what may happen so that other people are more comfortable around me. The funny thing is... I have been wrong and even with my prep work, I wasn't doing what I thought I was.

 

[Fino]

Identical experience!

 

[Ken]

I understand that. So often (at work mostly) I spent so much time and energy thinking of what the correct response would be in as many situations as I could try to prepare for. It was really eye-opening for me, and possibly the impetus for this thread, when my son and I were talking about him forgetting an assignment that was due for school, I made a face like, "yikes!" and he told me, "Don't be like that, don't do that face, it's not a big deal." I responded with, "I didn't even feel like it was, I just did that because I thought it was the right response for the situation." I realized at that moment how often my energy is used trying to prep for what may happen so that other people are more comfortable around me. The funny thing is... I have been wrong and even with my prep work, I wasn't doing what I thought I was.

Yep, that's like the story of my life!