Did you self diagnose late in life?

[Judge]

A conclusion I made at the age of 55. A journey of sorts for me that had a lot of "potholes" filled with denial.

Though once I realized that for better or worse I am autistic, life seemed to make more sense as I began to search for answers about who and what I really am.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My auttism gave me a successful career, my brothers autism is helping me have a comfortable retirement. you need to play the hand life gives you.

 

[Ken]

Why is this diagnosis imporant for you?

Explains and answers the most perplexing questions of my life.

Did you disclose your discovery to family or friends? How did they react ?

Disclosed to my wife, my niece and my general practitioner doctor.
My wife agrees, but it is a touchy subject. There is a tipping point where she becomes angry. Can’t discuss it too much.
My nice was indifferent. Shrug of shoulders.
My GP doctor logged it in her notes. No other response.

Are your childhood memories or ancedotal stories by family part of your diagnostic process?

Of memories of family, but not so much by family.
My father made a frequent statement, repeated throughout my life; from as early as I can remember through to his death, that has been a defining theme of my life. Always with great exasperation and anger, he would say, “Kenneth … When are you ever going to wake up and act like a normal human being?”
I was bullied a lot in school. Not by students, but by teachers.
I was the most unpopular kid in school. Other kids avoided me like the plague. I now realize that was because of my mannerisms, expressions, etc. I am blind to my mannerisms and expressions. They are not automatic.
Pretty much my entire life is strong evidence – entirely too many to list here.

Have you used any online ASD screening tools like the AQ Quiz?

Yes. All that I could find.

What, if anything has changed in your life as a result of this diagnosis?

Understanding myself. Realizing there is a reason for the perplexing confusion, miseries, anxieties, fears and traumas of my life. Realizing I am not alone. Realizing that most of my miseries are due to social interactions and misunderstandings and misperceptions. Realizing that most of all the anger and emotional hurt I have inflicted on others is due to my blindness of my expressions, mannerisms and tone resulting in miscommunication. I now know that a persons mannerism, expression and tone is a primary element of communication to the NT’s. I always thought it was just the words.
I am now learning how to recognize and avoid situations that inflict trauma and /or depression in me.

Did your discovery change how you think about past events?

Yes. It is a relief for all the mysteries of my traumas, pain, depression and self-loathing to be unveiled. Reduces my belief that I was / am retarded. Allowed me to realize that I actually achieved my childhood dream. Allows me to recognize that I actually have accomplishments. Almost all of which has been hidden and obscured under a cloak of self-loathing and retarded view of myself.

Does your discovery change how you think about your future?

Yes. Knowing myself better reduces my general levels of anxiety and depression. I feel better about myself. There are now even episodes of my life that I am actually proud of.

Are you likely to pursue a professional assessment? Why or why not?

No. Upon realizing that I was autistic, I wanted a professional diagnosis, but it was decided too expensive. It wasn’t long, however, before I realized there was no practical benefit to a professional diagnosis, especially at my age. Studying autism and my life has resulted in a still growing list of 68 symptoms. There is absolutely no chance that I am not autistic. A professional diagnosis would not add anything to what I already understand. There are just too many symptoms and the symptoms are too definite and intense to conclude otherwise. Much of my list of symptoms are discovered as I learn about NT’s and how they are not like me and how I am not like them - an extremely enlightening study.

 

[clg114]

Ever since I can remember, I have known that I was different from everyone around me. I just did not know how or why. I never had many friends and it never bothered me to be alone. The only real girlfriend that I ever had was my wife. I never heard of Asperger's Syndrome until I was 60 years old. But it sure did ring a bell. All the symptoms described me. By the time I was 62, I was sure that I had AS. So I got my GP to refer me to a psychologist who specialized in autism. Three appointments later, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (DSM IV 299.80). By this time in my life, I had a wife, kids and a good career. However the diagnosis was very positive for me. It answered a lot of questions that I had about myself. It was quite a revelation to me.

 

[ForestGumpett]

No doubt, not planning on getting a proper assessment. With other medical issues I’m not introducing another one and I’m sick and tired of doctors AND I do not trust a lot of them. I personally do not trust therapist (sorry, nothing personal to anyone) as I was stabbed in the back by one years ago just trying to get help in college with math test.

It has helped my marriage and myself in general just knowing. My marriage was great, but even better now. We BOTH understand me better now.

I’m 60. The signs were there when I was a kid and growing up, same with my brother but he’s dead now. We had negligent BPD/Alcoholic parents.

I do not see any use for me personally to take this further, I wouldn’t take their drugs nor would I trust anyone to talk to them.

 

[Suzette]

No doubt, not planning on getting a proper assessment. With other medical issues I’m not introducing another one and I’m sick and tired of doctors AND I do not trust a lot of them. I personally do not trust therapist (sorry, nothing personal to anyone) as I was stabbed in the back by one years ago just trying to get help in college with math test.

It has helped my marriage and myself in general just knowing. My marriage was great, but even better now. We BOTH understand me better now.

I’m 60. The signs were there when I was a kid and growing up, same with my brother but he’s dead now. We had negligent BPD/Alcoholic parents.

I do not see any use for me personally to take this further, I wouldn’t take their drugs nor would I trust anyone to talk to them.

I am sorry you have had a bad time with therapists. I have onky been once and I was the only one who spoke for the 15 minutes I was in the room. I assumed the therapist was not a good one but I never had the heart to try again.

I too had a rough upbringing. I say "rough" to distinguish from smooth sailing, not to place a value judgement on anyones experience.

I imagine, like me, you have sought your own answers in how to cope with your thoughts and emotions. You obviously have a high EQ!

 

[Streetwise]

I did say "finding" not "choosing" Streetwise. Though if one has money enough one can do anything.

There are many valuble reasons one might choose a professional assessment. For me, the retiree, understanding the root cause of my life's chaos would be an invaluable tool in my therapy. After all, my life is only half over, I have many decades to live yet. There are plenty of informed choices yet to make!

I didn't! say you'd chosen I said it's a luxury .

 

[Suzette]

I didn't! say you'd chosen I said it's a luxury .

I am sorry. I had that realization too late.
Yes, choosing would be an unimaginable luxury. I was looking at the available services in my area and out of dozens of assessment centers few even mentioned adult assessment. No one seemed to specialize in it.

 

[Gift2humanity]

At first I self diagnosed after two failed assessments then I got an official one.

 

[Streetwise]

I am sorry. I had that realization too late.
Yes, choosing would be an unimaginable luxury. I was looking at the available services in my area and out of dozens of assessment centers few even mentioned adult assessment. No one seemed to specialize in it.

You won't find many that specialise in adult autism diagnosis even less female diagnosis in the UK, the official line is everybody is supposed to be diagnosed within three months of referral !big joke!, I've never heard of anybody been diagnosed any quicker than 6-months a lot of people are a year to 2 years, one woman waited 24 years to get her son diagnosed, in the UK ,you have the problem in! that if you want to receive further medical treatment, a large percentage of people derive that from the NHS, who have a snotty attitude about diagnosis from anybody who isn't employed by the NHS, so if you don't want to wait 6 months to 2-years your diagnosis might not be recognised.

 

[Suzette]

It seems no matter where you are there it is difficult. In the U.S. most people rely on private medical insurence from their employer. Your insurence policy might include a few mental health visits to a private clinitian every year, but not cover ongoing therapy or austsim assessment. Most people will find they have to cover the cost of assessment themselves and the price can be thousands of dollars.
I am not sure if this also applies to asessment for children.

 

[Judge]

It seems no matter where you are there it is difficult. In the U.S. most people rely on private medical insurence from their employer. Your insurence policy might include a few mental health visits to a private clinitian every year, but not cover ongoing therapy or austsim assessment. Most people will find they have to cover the cost of assessment themselves and the price can be thousands of dollars.
I am not sure if this also applies to asessment for children.

Reminds me of going to "therapy" under the guise of my HMO.

Where the therapist didn't seem to really listen to me, and would only interrupt to remind me of the limitations of my mental health coverage.

Instilling me with a deep sense of "Why bother?"