Differing ideas than partner around divulging diagnosis

[AuroraBorealis]

Thank you to everyone that gave me feedback, it's helping me process. I'm just like a little kid with news I want to tell anyone and everyone about but that's half the problem isn't it?

I get it, I really, really do. To be honest, I feel your words so much. I just recently got told that I'm highly likely autistic by a very qualified person after a long, diagnostic chat and month-long suspicion on my part, so I just consider myself diagnosed.
It feels like all the things in life finally make sense, all the quirks, all the struggles, everything making my life difficult, but also all the things making my life so great when I was younger that I don't do anymore because I got told they're weird. I want to shout it out, to tell every person I know when I see them. However, since I know that I tend to overshare and have impulsivity issues, I keep myself from doing that, at least during the first few weeks/months, until the initial excitement wears off. It did happen in the past that I shared something in the bliss of excitement with lots of people, only to feel really embarrassed and regretful a few weeks later.

Reading some of the other answers was very interesting, and I agree (and it's also my fear) that people don't hear what you want them to hear when you tell them you're autistic. Keep in mind that many of us on the spectrum (or maybe it's just me?) at least spend some period of time in this autism/ADHD/neurodivergence bubble, where we read up on it, watch videos about it, get absorbed in it and basically evolve into experts on the issue. Once we're done, we're really excited, have lots of new information and want to tell everyone (again, obviously not "we" all, maybe it's just me, but I guess it's not that uncommon among us). But we forget that everyone else didn't do all that research.
In general, I'm very good with social cues and interaction apart from the occasional sarcasm/joke/irony-slip up, but for some reason, I struggle to explain to other people exactly what I want to tell them, especially if it's something important to me (or maybe I just notice it more, then). It always feel like there's this slight nuance that they're missing or that I'm not able to make them see. It feels quite frustrating. And I'm sure that with my NT friends and family, exactly this thing would happen if I told them about being autistic (if they even took me seriously at all).

I hope you and your man-friend find a good compromise for you both. And thank you for those new words!

 

[Ken]

It feels like all the things in life finally make sense, all the quirks, all the struggles, everything making my life difficult, but also all the things making my life so great when I was younger that I don't do anymore because I got told they're weird.

I'm quite sensitive to this point and I am very sorry that you were inhibited because of the weird label. It was like this for me as well. All my special interests were called weird and my father even forbade me for doing it. I guess it was too ingrained in me to stop. Also, I guess I loved my special interests so much that I thought that if they are labeled weird, then weird must be a good thing. I became proud to be weird. In any event, I never stopped my special interest even while suffering harsh punishment. Later in life, my special interest turned into a successful career. I really don't think I would still be here if I had abandoned my special interests. It's what I am.

That is why I feel it is very sad for someone's special interest to be inhibited of abandoned because others think it's weird. Still, after all the decades of my life, I think weird is a good thing and it is a horrible thing to be squashed. At the business I retired from, my boss called my weirdness "innovation".

Indeed, yours and you friend's autism is something to shout about; something, I think, to be proud of. You just have to be sure those you are shouting to understands what your talking about!

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I'm quite sensitive to this point and I am very sorry that you were inhibited because of the weird label. It was like this for me as well. All my special interests were called weird and my father even forbade me for doing it. I guess it was too ingrained in me to stop. Also, I guess I loved my special interests so much that I thought that if they are labeled weird, then weird must be a good thing. I became proud to be weird. In any event, I never stopped my special interest even while suffering harsh punishment. Later in life, my special interest turned into a successful career. I really don't think I would still be here if I had abandoned my special interests. It's what I am.

That is why I feel it is very sad for someone's special interest to be inhibited of abandoned because others think it's weird. Still, after all the decades of my life, I think weird is a good thing and it is a horrible thing to be squashed. At the business I retired from, my boss called my weirdness "innovation".

Indeed, yours and you friend's autism is something to shout about; something, I think, to be proud of. You just have to be sure those you are shouting to understands what your talking about!

Thanks for that and it sounds awesome that you were able to thrive under bad conditions and even managed to make a career out of your special interest. Congratulations for that!
The things I got told were weird weren't really special interests (I don't know if I have one, the closest thing I have to a special interest might be medicine and mental health, and I am making a career of that). They were more day-to-day-things, like talking to myself, narrating my actions while I did them as though they were written in a book, doing something repetitive (I had this game with magnetic sticks and metal balls that I could play with forever, just building the same figures over and over again) while listening to some audio book, copying whole chapters out of books just for the sake of it, whispering aloud while reading (I still do that when I'm alone). All the little things that made me feel happy and safe in my own little world.

 

[Ken]

Thanks for that and it sounds awesome that you were able to thrive under bad conditions and even managed to make a career out of your special interest. Congratulations for that!
The things I got told were weird weren't really special interests (I don't know if I have one, the closest thing I have to a special interest might be medicine and mental health, and I am making a career of that). They were more day-to-day-things, like talking to myself, narrating my actions while I did them as though they were written in a book, doing something repetitive (I had this game with magnetic sticks and metal balls that I could play with forever, just building the same figures over and over again) while listening to some audio book, copying whole chapters out of books just for the sake of it, whispering aloud while reading (I still do that when I'm alone). All the little things that made me feel happy and safe in my own little world.

Yea, later in life, I guess I can laugh or smile about that now. A lot of what I was called weird about or was in trouble for, was my mannerisms, strange behaviors and habits. Unfortunately, I never understood the complaints. It seems that I could never understand that what I was doing or how I was behaving was considered undesirable. I never made the connection between the complaints and me. I just new I was in trouble, but could never understand why.

I'm glad that you can still do some of the things that make you happy, even if you can only do them when alone.

 

[NeuroVibes]

I was just journaling feelings I have about disclosing ASD, then I popped on here and saw this thread.

My diagnosis was a month ago. I thought I'd shout it from the rooftops. Instead, I've not said the word "autism" to anyone outside my immediate household. (Meaning my husband and youngest daughter, both of whom are self diagnosed.) I haven't told my other grown kids, even though I have grandchildren already diagnosed. I haven't disclosed at my job. I have accommodations letters being prepared by the psychologist, but I'm undecided whether I'll hand them in.

I wasn't expecting the reluctance. Part of me is spinning around on a hilltop, singing like it's The Sound of Music, because the diagnosis was so validating and freeing. It answered soooo many "OMG why am I like this" questions.
But I've spent my life afraid to deal with people because I'm so awkward that it often doesn't go well. And I don't have pre-planned "scripts" in place yet to help me navigate disclosure. There's sooo much misinformation out there about autism that I feel it likely some reactions will be negative. I don't want to be disbelieved, infantilized, or avoided (more than I am). So I'm taking a deep breath before deciding when and to whom disclosure is necessary.

I DID decide this morning to finally start telling the kids. It's a start.