Difficulty finding the words

[SusanLR]

I once read an article on-line that showed on a PET scan the extra areas that light up with ASD.
It said we have 5 areas that verbal information input or output must go through compared to 3 in a NT.
(wish I could find it again, I would post it here)
But, this accounts for the lag in answering or trying to tell the story regarding something.
Even though the lag time is short, it is long enough to annoy NTs it seems.
Thus the remarks like I get such as " I just ask you 3 times!" or " Why do you have to go all around the world to explain something?"

 

[Forgotten Aspie]

I feel there are many issues about socializing that come into play. I am not good at it.. I have not had a lot of practice... There is also the brain-freeze that happens.. sometimes my tongue is tied and I slurr.. or miss pronounce or even the wrong word.. I'll want to say good bye or have a nice day and "goobie... or Slinday!
comes out. I think my liner train of thought become jumbled up or something, I can have a sentence in mind and the topic or important pronoun vanishes.. the concept is there but the word is GONE. Names for example.. I've forgotten the names of my Niece and her hubby... I'll know it begins with an A... and go through a list of attempts trying to recall the name... It is not all the time.. Sometimes there is no problem at all. Things like this can shy me away from enjoying social interaction.

 

[Chance]

By the time I have something relevant to say, and I've run it through all my "Is this appropriate to say / Is it clean / Is it too much information / Will I regret this later" filters, and I've trimmed it to the length and vocabulary that an NT can handle, most of the time the conversation has moved on.

This happens to me it seems all the time... Its exhausting. I'm trying so hard to be intelligent and be worth being heard. By the time I get it all together, its just words that no longer fit the conversation anymore... Its sad to struggle so hard for something that winds up as nothing.

I have things I want to say but can't express them, and sad because I think people think I'm uninterested in the subject, being generally in a bad mood or not interested in the other people there. I understand that the empathy thing is an autistic trait but if I could get the words out at least I could fake my empathy.

Exactly... I get so confused over attaching the feeling to the words and the context the words are being spoken in... Its like this mad race in my head to line my body up with how the words I have chose "feel"... Sometimes the words I choose don't feel right... Then I stumble mentally. It sucks.

Also, I need to visualise or imagine in order to speak, translate words to pictures, and I often struggle to do that during conversation.

I sort of think of everything in pictures... SO ONE WORD in my head might be this mural of visual constructs that I have to define while trying to speak... It takes so much thought, energy, and extra time, (even if I don't mentally trip and stumble) to convert these word pictures back to just meaningful words.

 

[Chance]

I feel there are many issues about socializing that come into play. I am not good at it.. I have not had a lot of practice... There is also the brain-freeze that happens.. sometimes my tongue is tied and I slurr.. or miss pronounce or even the wrong word.. I'll want to say good bye or have a nice day and "goobie... or Slinday!
comes out. I think my liner train of thought become jumbled up or something, I can have a sentence in mind and the topic or important pronoun vanishes.. the concept is there but the word is GONE. Names for example.. I've forgotten the names of my Niece and her hubby... I'll know it begins with an A... and go through a list of attempts trying to recall the name... It is not all the time.. Sometimes there is no problem at all. Things like this can shy me away from enjoying social interaction.

Me too... I forget peoples names and get stuck on that while still digging for word alignment in my head. I screw words all up and I think that is because my mouth is moving while I am trying to arrange the next sentence in my head...

Yesterday I went up to the main office. I drove up the back way through the property from the golf course through the camp grounds and woods, back up to a main office to do pay roll.

Its winter so I never see anyone (but there was a pickup truck driving around in campgrounds)... When I got to the office I asked the ladies, "Who is crowling the trampgrounds." On the fourth attempt I finally got it right "Who is trolling the campgrounds?" I was embarrassed as usual and they were dying laughing... Then the very next thing I said came out screwed up also. I just went to my office and contemplated cutting my tongue out... : )

 

[Streetwise]

Me too... I forget peoples names and get stuck on that while still digging for word alignment in my head. I screw words all up and I think that is because my mouth is moving while I am trying to arrange the next sentence in my head...

Yesterday I went up to the main office. I drove up the back way through the property from the golf course through the camp grounds and woods, back up to a main office to do pay roll.

Its winter so I never see anyone (but there was a pickup truck driving around in campgrounds)... When I got to the office I asked the ladies, "Who is crowling the trampgrounds." On the fourth attempt I finally got it right "Who is trolling the campgrounds?" I was embarrassed as usual and they were dying laughing... Then the very next thing I said came out screwed up also. I just went to my office and contemplated cutting my tongue out... : )

what sickens me is if you said you had cancer they wouldn't laugh what we suffer is just as bad as cancer

 

[Chance]

what sickens me is if you said you had cancer they wouldn't laugh what we suffer is just as bad as cancer

They weren't being mean to me at all... They are always nice to me. Its my secretary and her 2 assistants... They say I am comical when I am frustrated, because they say "You can see the struggle and frustration in how I talk." I feel like a fool and a freak, but they actually make it better by laughing instead of looking at me like I am stupid... We did bills and payroll and they were laughing at me again because I had to line up every envelope by size before I put them in the mail bin.

 

[Forgotten Aspie]

This just happened to me at the store today... It snowed over night about 6 inches plus drifts.. As I was leaving the store greater said something like " You got 4 wheel drive on that thing"... referring to the cart.. I KNOW my face said "What the hell did you just say???" and about 2 or 3 seconds of eternity later, I finally put it all together, when to the appropriate file on "appropriate responce to stupid question" and feigned a smile and half a laugh and said "yea!"..

What is in one sense unbelievable, and yet, In another, always within my subconscious awareness.. is that before 1/2/18 when I first made the connection with ASD... It would have been a typical exchange for me with no second thoughts. But now I'm in the process of connecting the dots.. separating out what is the real me from the sugar coating of what I'm trying to be. I left that exchange today with that subconscious awareness of what just happened and feeling like some alien doing research on planet NT with my dummy suit on..

 

[Scandinavia]

This is a common difficulty for most of us.
I have it happen most everyday.
Today's example:
I was looking through some papers trying to find a certain list I needed. My house partner, Frank, was standing beside me with some papers in his left hand.
I had put three pieces of paper on the table I was going to shred.
(This is sounding like one of those Mary had 2 apples and Jane had 4 plums questions!)

Frank ask me if these papers were to be shredded.
My mind sees papers in his hand, papers on the desk and papers I had set aside for shredding.
My mind pauses for what seemed like a second to process which papers he was referring to.
He asked the same question two more times and was snappy at me about it.
I said, "Just those there." and pointed to the three pieces I had laid aside to shred.
Finally he understood.

Silly example I know, but, it seems to take a run through of the situation to give a reply that will make sense.
Which papers is he referring to in other words?

I often need the processing time to run the info presented before I answer.
NTs seem to think you are not paying attention or listening if there is a slight pause before a reply to them.

In trying to explain something I also get some crazy word or mixed up words coming out and the more I realise it and get anxious, the worse it gets.
If I don't think about what I'm trying to explain the words flow more smoothly and easily.

I don't hold onto having said something that was incorrectly phrased or a word that came out not quite the way it should. IT happens. Forget it. Move on.

Your example is NOT silly. It is spot-on. I also need to process, which my NT-partner sometimes thinks takes too much time. It is not given that I (or you) immediately understand which of the papers are being referred to!

Scandinavia

 

[Scandinavia]

Hi godofthunder24.

I can relate to this. I do not like small-talk, and my concentration lasts only a limited time.
Although I have over the years gotten a lot of practice on the area, I often find myself
deliberately choose another direction if I see someone I know just to avoid talking to them.
Eye-contact is exhausting during conversation, but I make myself do it in order to seem interested.
(or at least, a bit more interested than I am). Through all my childhood and teenage years, I always looked at people`s mouth when we spoke together, and I did not realise I did. I wonder what they must have thought about me...
If I am a tad stressed or uncomfortable during conversation, I may also stumble in my own words.

Scandinavia