Difficulty Making Friends

[Spiller]

I've always struggled with making friends and recently found that it's best to approach interest and mental health/autism groups in order to encounter like-minded people who are more open to difference where, in my experience, many people (though certainly not all) are limited (to 99% of the population ) to established social mores that I'm unable to comprehend.
I think the trick is to approach as many groups as possible, while also just getting out - to work, a coffee shop, supermarket, whatever and smiling at people, being polite and friendly.
Foe me it's very slow going as it's always a conscious effort, so I expect I'm missing a great many opportunities that an NT would take for granted, but view it like planting seeds in fairly arid ground.. some will grow and they all need constant care

 

[Christopher Nicholson]

I have people I talk to about work but no friends. I have 1 sided conversations and I just can't ask the other person beyond "how's it going? " about their life. It doesn't seem natural and throws off the conversation. At this point since I get so much anxiety about it and I really look dumb I have decided to just to not get into personal conversations with people.

I admire anyone in here that is able to learn to have an open honest face to face conversation where both parties play an equal role.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

It doesn't hurt to remember that 90% of this is about just showing up. Some of my biggest breakthroughs happened when I'd go somewhere, like a conference or even a meeting for the first time, and ask if it's OK to sit "here" if there's a person already at the table. It's polite, noncommittal, and as long as I have a cup of coffee and a notebook, I can pretend to be busy, or actually be busy, and still look accessible. Doesn't work with smartphones, though--people assume absorption in those.

After that, I respond when spoken to, and show alert interest if someone mentions something that's one of my special interests...and I keep a tight rein on my mouth so I don't bore them.

 

[IrishAspie]

Right now I have a grand total of Zero friends, In work I'll happily talk to people about work but I try to keep prepared topics ready about movies/TV ready if I get invited to lunch for appearances, I've reached a point where I know how to behave and when to just shut up.
In fact I can bet you that in my current job no-one would believe you I'm on the spectrum....my previous jobs however would probably have the lightbulb moment I had a few months back.

Outside of work, I don't even know my neighbours names..nor do I really want to.
I find what most people talk about to be pointless and I get bored easily leading to me amusing myself by slagging them off and them getting offended (That's not to say I think I'm interesting. I'm absolutely not but I am really good at slagging ).

I also place a premium on the term friend, I find a lot of people will call anyone they meet a friend.
I've had friends over the years but either we fall out of touch or they say or do something which I feel is not friend worthy and cut them off.
The last remaining friend I had seems to have been freaked out my Asperger's news and I haven't seen or heard from him since.

Do I wish I had friends...honestly yes but if its a choice between pretending to like people or having none I'm going stick with none, I'm used to not going out and a lot of time I prefer to be on my own....and perhaps cry a little when I'm alone