Do Any Of You Not Like It When People Say "I Promise"?

[Amethystgirl]

So I have this online friend I talk to daily and maybe over a year ago when I mentioned about having bad self esteem she said (I can't exactly remember what she said) but she said something "I promise your self esteem will get better." And well my friend is well meaning and very sweet, I know my self esteem will never get better because it's been bad for many years. And she does want to build my self esteem up. But I don't think mental health profession would use the words "I promise." And don't get me wrong, I care about my friend a great deal. I'm not upset with her, I don't don't favor promises, esp. when it's comes to my own self esteem. How many of you don't like the words "I promise"?

 

[Fino]

In your situation, they're just trying to be nice. In that example, they're probably right. Your logic that anything that has lasted a long time is eternal is false.

 

[Judge]

"Promise"? It's just a word. At best a sentiment being expressed from one person to another.

Seldom with any ironclad guarantees.

Best to accept it that way, no matter who may chose to convey something to another. Regardless of the best of intentions. Otherwise it just amounts to a very flawed method of attempting to establish credibility. Which on occasion, can and does backfire badly.

"READ MY LIPS!"

 

[Aspychata]

It may just be a bad habit. They have said it so long, it's just become a part of their personal conversation repertoire. To you, perhaps it's become annoying yet, maybe you are afraid to say something? I would double down and say:" how about promising the winning lottery ticket, or a 15 course dinner?"

 

[tree]

@Amethystgirl

I think your friend is using the word "promise" to mean something like
*I fervently hope and desire that you will eventually begin to have a higher regard for and estimation of
yourself. And if there were any way that I could help make that happen, I would because I care for you
and it hurts me to see that you regard yourself in a negative way.*

Rather than using the word "promise" in the typical dictionary sense.

Spoiler

She's not a magician or fortune teller.
She can't change you or foresee the future.

 

[Misty Avich]

I once read that saying "I promise" sometimes really means "I hope".

 

[The Pandector]

My grandmother was good to her word. If she said we’d do something, she would often later say she had promised. She never said she promised, didn’t have to; her word was her bond. I try to be that way, wish everyone did.

 

[Xinyta]

I personally think people purposely abuse the American English lexicon. But that's just me.

 

[MNAus]

So I have this online friend I talk to daily and maybe over a year ago when I mentioned about having bad self esteem she said (I can't exactly remember what she said) but she said something "I promise your self esteem will get better." And well my friend is well meaning and very sweet, I know my self esteem will never get better because it's been bad for many years. And she does want to build my self esteem up. But I don't think mental health profession would use the words "I promise." And don't get me wrong, I care about my friend a great deal. I'm not upset with her, I don't don't favor promises, esp. when it's comes to my own self esteem. How many of you don't like the words "I promise"?

I think using the word in this way arrived with a lot of the "if you want something enough, you can get it" zeitgeist. We're being conditioned into this way of thinking with the media peddling rags to riches stories the whole time. If you challenged her on the promise not eventuating, she'd probably reply with "but I really believed it would!" as if strongly believing in something makes it happen.

 

[Cryptid]

"I promise" → "I'm lying and I'm about to screw you over".

"All you need to say is simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." -- Jesus of Nazareth, in His Sermon On the Mount (Matthew 5:37, NIV)

 

[Amethystgirl]

Thank you. I'm not into religion.

 

[Cryptid]

Thank you. I'm not into religion.

No need to be 'into' religion. Even atheists can appreciate some of His teachings. A quick read-through of His "Sermon On The Mount" (Matthew 5:1 through 7:29) reveals some basic common-sense social practices.

Anyway . . . if someone is suspicious enough to demand a promise from me, OR so insecure as to issue promises to me, then (in my opinion) that person is not someone with whom I wish to do business. The only exception to this involves the wedding vows between my wife and I.