Do Aspies annoy other Aspies?

[mysterionz]

I like this forum great fun hanging with my own.

Me too

 

[Dagan]

It happens. For me, the most annoying is when I'm just trying to watch or read something or working, but another will not be quiet and keeps distracting me. So many kinds of people are guilty of that, though. I want that remote from that Adam Sandler movie sometimes. MUTE.....PAUSE....

 

[MC1Rcat]

I worked with someone who is ASD2 before I knew I was ASD1. We had a fascination for each other, and frequently got into long conversations, etc. That was fun. What bothered me was that when he was working with students in the same room, he would often talk so loud that I couldn't think or hear anything else, which was disruptive to me working with my student. Then, one day, he asked me a very inappropriate question about a topic regarding women that he had seen in a lot of chat rooms, that he wanted a scientific explanation for. It was obviously a very incel/ misogynistic perspective. I immediately launched into a rebuttal of why that belief was scientifically impossible. It was only later after thinking about the question that I decided that I didn't want to hang around him at work so much anymore. It seemed to me that he should have known better than to ask me about that topic in front of students ( he is older and a professor) and that it was a highly offensive topic to bring up to a woman. I knew he was ASD, so I knew that he likely didn't think about the inappropriateness and didn't do it to offend me. I just was upset by the experience and couldn't talk to him anymore. Then COVID happened and everything went online.

 

[The Pandector]

I worked with someone who is ASD2 before I knew I was ASD1. We had a fascination for each other, and frequently got into long conversations, etc. That was fun. What bothered me was that when he was working with students in the same room, he would often talk so loud that I couldn't think or hear anything else, which was disruptive to me working with my student. Then, one day, he asked me a very inappropriate question about a topic regarding women that he had seen in a lot of chat rooms, that he wanted a scientific explanation for. It was obviously a very incel/ misogynisic perspective. I immediately launched into a rebuttal of why that belief was scientifically impossible. It was only later after thinking about the question that I decided that I didn't want to hang around him at work so much anymore. It seemed to me that he should have known better than to ask me about that topic in front of students ( he is older and a professor) and that it was a highly offensive topic to bring up to a woman. I knew he was ASD, so I knew that he likely didn't think about the inappropriateness and didn't do it to offend me. I just was upset by the experience and couldn't talk to him anymore. Then COVID happened and everything went online.

Too bad. It sounds like you had a very refreshing relationship while it lasted. His mistake sounds like something I would do, now you’ve both lost something rare. Such is life.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Most of my special interests are different from other Aspies, so I probably wouldn't get along with them if all they want to talk about is trains or playing chess or Star Trek when I'd rather talk about Calvin and Hobbes comics or cats or guinea pigs.

 

[MC1Rcat]

Too bad. It sounds like you had a very refreshing relationship while it lasted. His mistake sounds like something I would do, now you’ve both lost something rare. Such is life.

Maybe I will see him on campus again someday. I don't work in the same area anymore, so I never see him. I just have to be careful what we talk about ...and who it is in front of because I don't want to get into trouble if bystanders are offended.

 

[Misty Avich]

Most of my special interests are different from other Aspies, so I probably wouldn't get along with them if all they want to talk about is trains or playing chess or Star Trek when I'd rather talk about Calvin and Hobbes comics or cats or guinea pigs.

Yeah, mine too. I'm interested in rats, writing, and gossip. I could gossip all day lol.

 

[Au Naturel]

When I look back on some of my younger faux pas, I realize I made them by acting on  my own overly rigid thinking at the time.

Rigidity of thought and behavior are prominent and common aspects of autism. Sometimes, there is a tremendous need to be "right," and we rule out the possibility we are wrong because we need absolute certainty. NTs experience it, too. Reality is never black and white. There is always a bit of grey in there.

A lot of Aspies have the honesty attitude that annoys me, where they prefer what's morally right over social boundaries.

Social boundaries are a low-level subset of what is "morally right." To respect another person includes some respect for their boundaries. That can override other conflicting aspects of morality. Morality is rarely a black-and-white state. A classic example is the telling of the "white lie." Not hurting the feelings of others unnecessarily is an aspect of morality that can override the general principle of truth-telling.

Some of us have a lot of negativity, depression, victim-like behaviors and thoughts, the perpetual "neediness" of someone to feel sorry for them, whining "I need to be validated", "I can't do this, that, or the other thing." instead of directing their energy towards what they can do,

People are what people are, and one cannot change people. People generally want to be around other happy people because the mood is infectious. They dislike being around others who are in a foul mood. This is, again, because the mood is infectious. They don't want to be "brought down." They don't want to be around needy people because it feels like the needy person is making unreasonable demands on them. They know they cannot solve your problem.

If you cannot change the world, you need to adapt to that world as best you can.

 

[Fino]

People are annoying, yes.

 

[mw2530]

Yes of course. I can get very fatigued of listening to long monologues about topics that may or may not interest me. I know someone who can go on and on and it is hard to get to say anything. Although I understand he probably is not aware of how he is coming across. I show patience (much more than most people) since I am sympathetic to his communication challenges. Although I can only tolerate so much so it has to be in small doses.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I'm pretty sure we drive the moderators and admins up the wall sometimes.

 

[Seladon]

Lmao absolutely.

Am pretty sure my 62 year old dad has ASD (worse than mine), and while on some deep exasperated reluctant instinct-level I suppose I do love him and care about him, for doing the absolute bare minimum as a father (he didn't ever leave for cigarettes one day, hurt me or kick me out), tbh I find him so rude, tedious, inconsiderate and exhausting, not to mention impossible to communicate with. Beyond our sensitivities and social blindness, and a twin birthmark, we couldn't be more different.

He has real problems modulating his temper, accepting others opinions or life choices, and actively listening. Idk if part of his challenges is that he's ASD, or an old luddite in a changing world, or that he's been a deadbeat since 2010, or that he went through physical CA & neglect/foster care as well as ASD--probably some toxic mix of all of it. He doesn't treat my NT mother like the queen she is, either. For years as a teen I was urging and asking her to divorce him and find someone better adjusted, sociable, cultured and attentive to her needs, but alas.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm pretty sure we drive the moderators and admins up the wall sometimes.

I'm pretty sure I do.

 

[thejuice]

Yeah, I guess as an older, I was factoring that in a bit too much, or it would have been obvious. There is a support group not terribly far away, and I was tinkering with the idea of attending. But a support group is still a group, and I have always avoided groups when practicable. And I saw a movie that featured an HFA support group that bickered frequently at their meetings. I wondered if that was realistic.
When I look back on some of my younger faux pas, I realize I made them by acting on  my own overly rigid thinking at the time.

I've been to an autism support group and there wasn't one argument.. I enjoyed it.

 

[jsilver256]

I work in tech. Lots of aspies, undiagnosed and diagnosed, there. I think there's an unspoken understanding that we just are an awkward group overall.

I am almost certain the person I work the most closely with is ASD1 himself. We just have a particular type of get-it-done synergy and trust. No small talk, it's like "what do we need to do?" and then we both get it done. Plus it is very much a no-judgment zone. Best kind of work relationship.

If I had to generalize, I think my favorite people are ADHDs. They seem to notice the social rules, but not care about it so much, so there is a feeling of "safety." They also seem to be chatty and it takes the pressure for me off to speak, and they'll talk about interesting topics rather than small talk.

 

[jsilver256]

Yes.

Some of us have a lot of negativity, depression, victim-like behaviors and thoughts, the perpetual "neediness" of someone to feel sorry for them, whining "I need to be validated", "I can't do this, that, or the other thing." instead of directing their energy towards what they can do, the envy and jealousy of neurotypicals, and so on. Good Lord, it just sucks the life out of everyone.

Reddit is the worst for that. I can't relate to anything on autistic subreddits. I saw a post where a mother asked how she could get her ASD1 son to stop playing games all day and every poster jumped on her for being mean, calling the gaming "regulation."

This forum is pretty good about challenging others' perspective while still maintaining non-judgmentalness and I appreciate that.

We don't all have to be Elon Musks or Temple Grandins, but they do show that the default assumption should be that our own limits are self-imposed.

 

[Forest Cat]

I'm pretty sure we drive the moderators and admins up the wall sometimes.

Yeah, I'm so surprised Rodafina hasn't banned me yet.

 

[Rodafina]

Yeah, I'm so surprised Rodafina hasn't banned me yet.

My only reason for attempting that would be to finally "win" the Last Person to Post game.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't think I'd really belong to an all autistic group offline. I find a lot of autistic people too honest or geeky or have boring interests (not all do, but just some I've met I real life and they're quite common traits anyway).
My interests involve a more wider set of interests, like story writing, drama TV shows, rats, politics, and social gossip. And even these are just casual interests, not special interests (although politics is more of an obsession but not a special interest, there is a difference).

I think also a lot of autistics bring their interests into unrelated discussions. Like say if an autistic person's special interest is music, they'll post music videos from YouTube in any discussion, even though most of us aren't going to listen to it so have no idea what they're trying to say. Also I don't always understand lyrics to songs, maybe because I do not have a special interest in music. I like to listen to music but it isn't really an interest of mine as such.

 

[Jumpinbare]

We don't all have to be Elon Musks or Temple Grandins, but they do show that the default assumption should be that our own limits are self-imposed.

If you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right.