Do female aspies have it easier in dating?

[Shiznown]

If there was a pill to turn me bisexual, I would take it.

 

[Mr. Cat]

I've had an easy time having men fall for me, but couldn't keep a relationship for more than a few months in my teens due to lack of social and physical reciprocation on my part. I'm in my first long term relationship now and haven't had any problems. At first he thought I was cold and aloof, but he actually gave me time to open up (unlike the others). He seems to like how man-brained and loyal I am, I guess. I haven't known any female aspies in person, just men, so I don't know if others are like me.

 

[ancusmitis]

If there was a pill to turn me bisexual, I would take it.

Meet a lot of guys, do you? Care to introduce me?

 

[granolaturtle]

I'm an autistic lesbian - I've just kind of accepted that I'll be alone for all of my life.

 

[Goatscoat]

Eh, I'm kinda thankful that even though I find female bodies and so on more attractive than male bodies, that I'm actually still leaning more towards straight. Otherwise I'd be pretty much on your boat granolaturtle.

 

[Mr. Cat]

Females are definitely way more attractive. I find very, very, very few men attractive.

 

[Goatscoat]

Actually, like, if men put more care into their looks, maybe then, they'd be more attractive. But, this often makes men less attractive because their idea of looking good is being massively bulky and extra orange-tan or w/e. It's so odd.

I really appreciate asian men in this respect. I love that korean men use make up everyday even, and it's no big deal to anyone in their country. They put a lot of effort into all kinds of different looks too. Like a "pretty boy" look for example. I think a lot of european men could look more gentle too. But alas, men in general just want to be really bulky and aggressive looking. It's kind of visually offensive.

 

[Mia]

Actually, I find men extremely attractive. The way they smell and the way they walk, how gentle they can can be with small children. When their faces are sometimes bristly like sandpaper, the way they can tease a tune out of a musical instrument and with those same hands repair a piece of machinery. The manner in which they are proud of their bodies and often unafraid of any kind of physical or intellectual challenge. The way they try over and over to achieve things, rarely giving up. I like Aspie men for their honesty and their intelligence, their kindness and their ability to persevere.

Oh did I mention their integrity? That's a very attractive attribute to me. Along with many thousands of other things that men have done in this world. The superficial has never meant much, how someone looks is unimportant, it's who they are that matters.

 

[Beverly]

I've never had trouble finding a partner, quite the opposite, too many want me when I want nothing to do with them. I do think that is mostly because of my career and public image though and nothing to do with me personally, they just want the money, the fame and, my body and could care less who I actually am. *shrug* I'll stick to my inner circle and, if I want to hook up or date, it will be one of them.

As for attractiveness, I do prefer European and middle eastern men to American men in general. I have found a few American men quite attractive but, most I find attractive are Irish, British, Indian, Pakistani or Arabian men (or a mix there of in a few cases.)

 

[Harpagornis_X]

I guess it really depends if women with Aspergers Syndrome or Autism want a relationship or not. Some women may have it easy but they also may also have it hard. It depends on the circumstances I guess. That is exactly the way I see it.

 

[Naturalist]

In high school I never wanted a date really, which is a good thing because no one seemed interested in me. I was obsessed with one boy in particular, but not to go on dates; I just really wanted to hang out with him to play music together (he played piano for our church choir).

That is how I have always viewed relationships, as based around sharing a common interest, not just "being together".

When I got to college I got dates easily, because I was trying to find new friends and I didn't see why young men couldn't be friends too. But they thought my detachment was attractive, one said he thought I was "playing hard to get." When I saw that I might be able to get a date I decided to see what dating was like, but I didn't understand the "rules" and got into a lot of trouble because of it. Eventually I married the one trustworthy guy I found, who stuck with me through all my mistakes. Though I probably would not have married if I thought I could support myself financially and protect myself from predatory people. That's not to say I don't love my husband, but I do feel that I'm not very suited to be anyone's partner.

 

[NovaScotia Aspie]

I've never had trouble finding a partner, quite the opposite, too many want me when I want nothing to do with them. I do think that is mostly because of my career and public image though and nothing to do with me personally, they just want the money, the fame and, my body and could care less who I actually am. *shrug* I'll stick to my inner circle and, if I want to hook up or date, it will be one of them.

As for attractiveness, I do prefer European and middle eastern men to American men in general. I have found a few American men quite attractive but, most I find attractive are Irish, British, Indian, Pakistani or Arabian men (or a mix there of in a few cases.)

I wish that was the case with me in regards to many people wanting me .[emoji3]. I am very introverted and don't have what one would consider an attractive personality .

 

[Beverly]

I wish that was the case with me in regards to many people wanting me .[emoji3]. I am very introverted and don't have what one would consider an attractive personality .

I know, you would think that would be a good thing but, when you start getting men's under shorts in the mail (soiled ones) and proposal videos literally thrown at you, it isn't good at all. Try actually dating a guy you do like when ever second man you see throws himself at you, often literally. You don't want that, or those men.

I don't have the most desirable personality either but, that never stopped them. Amazing what a bad attitude and a whole lot of too tight leather clothing can accomplish. Well that and a decent income. I really doubt even my talent has much to do with it beyond they happen to like Metal well enough to at least listen to one or two of my songs. Mostly it's the money and the body they want, never mind anything else about me.

That isn't a good foundation for a relationship and, it really does make actually having a good relationship a lot more difficult. I can't just take it at face value that a guy likes me for who I am, I have to question his reasons and motivations for showing a personal interest in me. it isn't fun to have to do that with every guy I am interested in but, that's one of the prices I pay for my career.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

But this much is true. For every single (unmarried) male there is also an unmarried female. Except maybe in places that practice polygamy.

its also untrue in places like India and china where they practice gender specific abortions leading to a higher proportion of men to women (in china there are 50 million more men than women). also while many believe the gender ratio to be 50:50 in actuality there are slightly more female births than male ones something like 51:49 couple this with men dying younger on average across the world by a couple of years compared with women and men having much higher casualty's in the work place (due to dangerous jobs) and in war (due to being soilders) this leads to worldwide there being slightly more women than men (even when taking in to account gender specific abortions) so i would say worldwide there are actually more unmarried females than unmarried males though it really depends where in the world you are as that greatly effects the gender balance and also as said whether polygamy is or is not is practiced. there is also a trend in the west of a drop in marriage, and in places like Japan and Korea of people putting marriage off till much later in life or even indefinitely for careers etc. leading to a massive drop in fertility and births.

also by the way im just stating facts i think gender specific abortions and polygamy are pretty terrible practices and do not condone them though that should be obvious. not really a fan of the idea of marriage either.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

Females are definitely way more attractive. I find very, very, very few men attractive.

im a heterosexual guy so im pretty biased but yeah women's bodies i think are generally way more attractive.
obviously men can and normally are attractive to many/most women.
but the actual beauty and form and shape of the feminine figure i think is far more pleasing than the male one in my opinion.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

one thing i have felt that is a huge injustice about life, is that if a guy is socially-awkward, quiet, makes social errors, he can be easily labeled creepy or even stalkerish, because autism/aspergers makes it hard to read non-verbal social cues, so it can be hard to tell if the person is ignoring you or is busy, but if a girl is socially-awkward, she won't be labeled creepy or stalkerish, 2 main reasons: women don't have to take as much, or any, social risks as much as men do, and even if women did take a more active role, took social risks, the reason why they wouldn't get labeled creepy or stalkerish, is because since women are physically weaker than men, it means they won't be perceived as a threat.

 

[Rich Gray]

Men are usually the ones who are expected to initiate or be the one asking a female out on a date so I would think initially it is harder for a male aspie to get the ball rolling . Once a potential relationship gets off the ground ( dating has begun ) both sexes probably face the same difficulties . For many male aspies , I would think taking the plunge and asking a woman out is a big hurdle to overcome .

I found this to be true. The girl voted most attractive in my class pursued me for years without ever actually asking me out. I would have gone out with her if she asked me. I would have asked her out if I was not terrified of asking girls on dates (this seems like a rather silly fear to me now). If I were a girl, then this situation would have been less likely due to social constraints.

Fear of rejection is more prominent in males. Not all of the fear, some of it. The a higher chance of frequency of rejection via asking for a date dues to a higher expectation to initiate the process as it is the social norm for guys to ask out girls. If it is not the social norm for a girl to ask out a guy, then the chance of rejection for a date is lower as she can wait to be asked out (showing interest in a guy can prompt this to a higher degree than a guy waiting for a girl to do the same).

I would suggest that everyone do some asking, and be prepared for rejection . . . everyone is rejected sometimes, and this is normal. Failure is a learning experience, is totally normal, and is a part of life. There is a much higher degree of success at getting a date by asking for one.

I think it is easier (not easy, easier) for women with Asperger's Syndrome to date then men for various reasons.

-----

Here are some ideas that I posted on another thread:

Here is the general idea:
Facial symmetry - Wikipedia

Here is one study:
Facial attractiveness: evolutionary based research

This pretty equating to health is likely less true with modern medicine (less deforming ailments), and is seen as a primitive test. I would imagine that a bad case of acne, for example, could lead towards infection (and deformation), and infection could lead towards death. This series of events is much less likely with modern medicine. Selecting a partner without traits that could lead towards infection and death would be beneficial, desirable, and would have a biological drive behind the choice.

Let me preface the following by saying that I am a male with Asperger's Syndrome, I am married to a female whom is not on the spectrum, and she earns considerably more than I do. I am okay with this, and have taken years off of working in order to care for the children. I believe that women deserve equal play to men, unfortunately this is not the case.

Essentially, I propose that having Asperger's Syndrome is less of a hindrance in finding a mate for attractive females than attractive males as: [1] money is socially concentrated among males (being female negatively effects income), [2] having autism negatively effects income, and [3] the stability money affords is important in order to care for pregnant women whom misses work for important biological reasons, and [lets add 4] money is important in order to raise children with a higher chance of health, educational, professional, sociological, and overall wealth success. I would find that these factors would make is easier for attractive women with Asperger's Syndrome (at a lower disadvantage) to succeed in the breeding and sociological pool to a higher degree, than attractive men with Asperger's Syndrome (at a higher disadvantage).

 

[Rich Gray]

This stereotype always depresses me. I'm a woman past my twenties and have never been in a relationship whatsoever (not even a short/fake one). Kind of makes me think there's something seriously wrong with me.

Try going on some dates in public places, while staying safe (double dating is a thing for a reason, and could be an option). There are oodles of guys who want to date girls . . . that is what guys do . . . signing up for one of these sites is a blatant signal that you want to date. Join one of the dating sites that is not set up for one-night-stands. You will likely have lots of guys wanting to take you out on dates. You might have too many guys asking you out as there, I think, are more men on those sits then women.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

women are generally the ones being chased, pursued

 

[GeoGuy]

This is all so confusing. I guess my AS will never allow me to understand how this works.

It is expected of men to make the first move. But all the women I've seen say it feels very uncomfortable, etc. etc. when men "pursue".

They say be upfront about your feelings, then you say "I'd really like to date you" to which they then say I just wanted to be friends this is weird and please never contact me again.

From what I've experienced, only certain men are "allowed" to play the game, the rest must just look on, like spectators.

So, if you're just a life-long spectator like me, I feel really sorry for you my man, you have my sympathy because I know how it feels.

I feel like everyone loves and wants girls, but nobody wants or likes us men.

Just sent a message to a girl on an online dating site and I know already that she'll never answer.

Bottom line: everyone loves women/girls, everyone hates men/guys.

I've asked girls on online dating already how many messages and views and stuff they get - much more than men get. Women get so many proposals/date offers they can basically pick and choose. A man gets virtually nothing. If he makes the move, he gets snubbed 99% of the time. Women will just never ever experience the level of rejection and hurt we men feel and that's a fact.

I know lots of people are probably going to say I am wrong, but this is how it feels for me at least. I am completely unwanted, and anything I do is met with "no".