Do people with asperger's have a tendency to hate their ex-partners after break up?

[paloftoon]

i had so much hatred for mine after what she did.she even tried to apologize afterwards,but i let the hatred consume me so much,that i had nothing to say to her afterwards.my other partner after her ended up using me to make her ex-boyfriend jealous at the time.the last 6 months with her since then were torture.i almost had a meltdown at the time because of her the person who i was pressured to go out with by,because of her.i've been avoiding her like a ninja afterwards,along with having nothing to say to her,even when she tries opening up to me.

You don't have to be accepting of her openness after the fact. Maybe she is a better person now, maybe she isn't. Maybe she didn't know what she was really doing at the time. That doesn't really matter. Your feelings matter the most for you. Don't let that situation bring you down. If you have to and she's not leaving you alone, be direct with her 1-1 and tell her that we need to avoid each other completely and you opening up is not going to help me heal these possibly permanent scars.

 

[Fitzo]

To me hate is such a strong word. For me to hate someone they would have had to do something extremely serious.
It takes a lot for me to fall in love with someone so unless they have treated me very badly, I would still want to have a cordial relationship once the initial pain of the breakup had subsided. I am really quite mystified by people who just want to act like their relationship never existed. I have managed to remain friends with some exes, but it gets complicated once either partner is in a new relationship. Some new partners feel threatened by exes. But as far as feelings go, I always remember what made me fall for them in the first place.

 

[Fitzo]

My advice is to learn to love without attachment. This is not the same as no commitment or "open" relations. It is the understanding that each person is sovereign unto him/her self and not a possession of sorts. If or when such relation ends, look to what you have learned about yourself from the experience. (Almost) everything in this life is temporal.

How does one go about learning that?

I always regarded myself as sovereign unto myself as well as my partner, but that doesn't mean there was no feeling of attachment.

In fact I question whether it's even possible to truly love someone yet feel detached from them. I certainly haven't met anyone who's managed it.

 

[Fitzo]

Unconditional love is without attachment. It has the maturity to let go with grace if necessary. Selfishness is the cause of much suffering.

Once again I haven't met a single person capable of unconditional love. My dogs yes - people no!

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Once again I haven't met a single person capable of unconditional love

Does unconditional hair count?

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

You don't have to be accepting of her openness after the fact. Maybe she is a better person now, maybe she isn't. Maybe she didn't know what she was really doing at the time. That doesn't really matter. Your feelings matter the most for you. Don't let that situation bring you down. If you have to and she's not leaving you alone, be direct with her 1-1 and tell her that we need to avoid each other completely and you opening up is not going to help me heal these possibly permanent scars.

she seems to be,based on how she tries being interactive with me & i had so much hatred for my first partner for it & where it happened:in a public park where sad music started to play afterwards,supposedly.i let the hatred consume me,i started to become angrily hateful towards all things lovey-dovey.

 

[paloftoon]

she seems to be,based on how she tries being interactive with me & i had so much hatred for my first partner for it & where it happened:in a public park where sad music started to play afterwards,supposedly.i let the hatred consume me,i started to become angrily hateful towards all things lovey-dovey.

Okay, granted, i don't always love lovey-dovey myself, but I don't hate it to the point that I get angry necessarily. It depends on the context and intentions from the person offering it. If it's done all the time in good intention, then this person has such a wildly different taste than you or I (unclassy taste in our opinion) and this is just a person to be civil with and to agree that we have such different likes/preferences that we would not have fun hanging out with one another (let alone be in a relationship.)

If anything lovey-dovey gets you angry just simply because it's lovey-dovey even though lovey-dovey itself is a thing or concept that doesn't affect you physically, then I'd talk to friends and a counselor (if feasible) about what is really bothering you and how to manage that so that it doesn't affect the rest of your life in a negative way.

 

[Mattymatt]

Do people with asperger's have a tendency to hate their ex-partners after break up?
If so, could this be due to their black and white thinking? You're either my girlfriend(love) or foe(hate)?

Hello all,

I am an NT and am deeply hurt and confused by my ex-boyfriend with asperger's.
(FYI, English is not my first language, so please bear with me if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes.)

It's a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

We broke up because he cheated on me.
I had been disappointed at him for quite some time and this incident drove me nuts.
So I broke up with him in a fit of anger.
I thought I was prepared for this break up, but I was in so much pain when I finally left him.
I left him on impulse. There were regrets on my side too.
So the next day, I sent him a long msg saying what I appreciated for and what I wanted to apologize for. In the msg, I blamed myself for his lost interests in me and his affair.
Although his affair was the major cause of our break up, I covered for him in the end.
I thought I left him with a goodwill.

However, when we met up again two months after our breakup,
he became such a different person. He became so cold-hearted and callous.
(When we were together, he occasionally hurt me with his blunt words, but he could never expressed his anger towards me.)
I asked him why and he was like "We broke up, should there be more love (than hatred)?"

Once again, I thought I left him with a goodwill.
Also, when we were together, I cared for him very much and he know this too.
I don't understand this. OK. He doesn't have to love me but there's no reason for him to hate me either.

Although not often, I still talk to some of my exes.
Of course, they are not as affectionate and friendly as the times they were my boyfriends, but still they sound kind enough.

I hope someone could answer my question.
It'd help me understand my ex and help me heal the wounds and forgive him.

Thank you for taking your time to read this thread.

I feel in love with an NT woman and I was deeply saddened by the break up but I don't hate her. I actually hate myself for my own failure as a human being. It was a tough breakup and it was clear she loved me but I would never really be able to be the person that she wanted me to be. The break up was so hard that I am reluctant to pursue another relationship for fear of going through the loss of love again.