Do you attend funerals?

[Keith]

I have never attended a funeral in my entire life. My father's father died when I was a kid, so I was too uncomfortable to attend. My father's mother died several years ago and I felt uncomfortable in attending her funeral. My mother's father is buried in Texas so I couldn't attend his funeral.

The thing about my dad's parents is that I never got to know them well enough. They were not sociable with kids, despite having several. They also lived several hours drive from where we live, so we visited sparingly.

My parents have attended other funerals for people they know or relatives of people they know. I never go since I'd rather not attend a funeral for someone I don't know.

One of my friends in Boy Scouts and little league baseball was killed in Afghanistan, but I still felt uncomfortable regarding attending his funeral.

 

[Warwick C]

At least you made the effort Keith. I have not been to one for some time now. I think I may have felt awkward at them. what to do next. I had my fathers funeral at 13.

 

[Keith]

What do you mean by "made the effort"?

 

[Warwick C]

I am assuming you went to the funeral.

 

[Keith]

I have never gone to funerals.

 

[Sev]

One of my friends in Boy Scouts and little league baseball was killed in Afghanistan, but I still felt uncomfortable attending his funeral.

This can imply that you did attend his funeral, though, it can be easily misunderstood I guess.

Personally, I just think death is a natural course of life and while it can be sad for some, I don't often respond the same way. I don't see the point about moping about someones death, which often happens at funerals, but would rather be happy that I knew such a person; if that makes sense. So yeah, I do attend funerals without too much of a problem, I just don't have the same approach to them as others.

 

[Judge]

Only on very rare occasions.

I'd prefer to remember someone important to me as they were in life. Not in death. Something that funerals do not achieve.

Grief is something I do not share with others. Funerals are social rituals I'd just prefer to pass on in general.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I've attended multiple funerals for people I didn;t know, and that i wasn't invited to

 

[Aspieistj]

I will probably attend my brother's funeral because not going would make his wife upset. I guess I would go to my SIL's funeral if my brother were still alive and aware if he wanted me to be there. The son who lives near me says he would never want a funeral. I don't know what I would do if my son in CA died while I am alive. Both my kids are atheists so I see no point in holding a funeral for them. I want absolutely nothing done to announce my death or "honor" my memory. Not even a death notice in the paper. I am a full body donor to the nearest medical school's department of anatomy. When they are finished with me they will cremate my remains and I have stated that the ashes not be returned to my family. I don't care what happens to them. I am well past attending wakes or funerals because I don't believe they serve any purpose for anyone but the funeral home. I see absolutely no reason to visit graves, either.

 

[Flinty]

I am well past attending wakes or funerals because I don't believe they serve any purpose for anyone but the funeral home. I see absolutely no reason to visit graves, either.

Maybe they're purposeless to you (and honestly to me, too) but others want them for some reason. You're right about the graves, though. I used to maintain a small cemetery and people need to know that the stuff they leave there eventually ends up in the garbage. Well, unless you have a co-worker that insists that the belongings of some take priority over our instructions.

I attend funerals if it's something that I think I must go to. As you might expect, that's rare.

 

[Daniel]

I didn't get or like funerals or memorial services until four years ago, when a friend passed suddenly. She had just turned 23, and had just begun her career as a nurse working with acquired brain injury patients. She was a ray of sunshine, beautiful and intelligent, and it was a horrible shock that she was suddenly gone. And no one was talking about how she died (accidentally, at a party).

It all made sense to me when I saw her at the viewing--lifeless, drained of color, and devoid of the spirit that made her wonderful. It was the first time I'd seen someone I knew dead. My grief just poured out, and it felt safe to know I was surrounded by supportive people who were going through the same thing. It really helped me come to terms with the fact that she was gone, and to know her spirit had moved on.

It's all about closure. Emotions have to move out, or else they stay inside you and fester.

That being said, there are very, very few people that I feel enough for that I would need to really grieve them if I lost them.

 

[King_Oni]

I tend to avoid them if only because I find it to be a highly boring event. I'm not one to sit still listening to someone talk, gathering with family and grieving over someone.

And right now (as in, the past few years), I've got way bigger issues on my mind than grieving over someones passing.

 

[Vanilla]

I didn't get or like funerals or memorial services until four years ago, when a friend passed suddenly. She had just turned 23, and had just begun her career as a nurse working with acquired brain injury patients. She was a ray of sunshine, beautiful and intelligent, and it was a horrible shock that she was suddenly gone. And no one was talking about how she died (accidentally, at a party).

It all made sense to me when I saw her at the viewing--lifeless, drained of color, and devoid of the spirit that made her wonderful. It was the first time I'd seen someone I knew dead. My grief just poured out, and it felt safe to know I was surrounded by supportive people who were going through the same thing. It really helped me come to terms with the fact that she was gone, and to know her spirit had moved on.

It's all about closure. Emotions have to move out, or else they stay inside you and fester.

That being said, there are very, very few people that I feel enough for that I would need to really grieve them if I lost them.

I get it too. I've been to two funerals in my life. When my friend's mother passed away, and my dad's.

 

[wyverary]

I think there's something beautiful about funerals, and I much prefer them to weddings. Like Stell, I occasionally attend the funerals of people I never knew, though is don't get the opportunity much anymore.

This isn't to imply that I am not saddened by people's deaths.

What's worst is when someone I know passes away and I am not able to attend the funeral. That happened a few years ago, when a fellow musician and much-loved human being passed suddenly...I was a wreck, and I think the funeral, and the communal sense of loss, would have helped me deal with it better.

 

[Keith]

My college English teacher passed away midway through the semester. He was a nice guy, and English himself. They put up fliers for those who wanted to attend. Since I barely knew him, and the fact that I feel uncomfortable regarding whether to attend a funeral, I didn't go.

 

[Judge]

I was a wreck, and I think the funeral, and the communal sense of loss, would have helped me deal with it better.

Wyv, that's an interesting comment about a "communal sense of loss".

I had to think about it for a moment , given that I realized that I really have a very limited sense of "communal" anything. My entire life has revolved around very small social "orbits". I can't tell if that's good, bad, or simply that, "It is what it is."

When it comes to the loss of a loved one, it will always be an intensely personal thing to me. Not something for me to share, for better or worse.

 

[anja]

I went to my neighbours funeral a month ago and it was really nice (not the fact that he died just the service)

 

[Loomis]

My grandmother died when I was eleven. She lived upstairs in the apartment above ours and her death was a great loss to me. I was stunned when all of the relatives gathered in her home and behaved lightheartedly and jovial. There was much joking and reminiscing of her life. It was a lively affair with much food and socializing. Meanwhile I was devastated by my loss. Over the years and after several family funerals I came to understand this was the cultural norm for dealing with death and now I accept it.

 

[wyverary]

Wyv, that's an interesting comment about a "communal sense of loss".

I had to think about it for a moment , given that I realized that I really have a very limited sense of "communal" anything. My entire life has revolved around very small social "orbits". I can't tell if that's good, bad, or simply that, "It is what it is."

When it comes to the loss of a loved one, it will always be an intensely personal thing to me. Not something for me to share, for better or worse.

This situation is hard to explain, and I don't want to go into it on a public forum...but it was part of a community orchestra that felt, even to me, very much like "family." anne.bcl might know what I mean...

 

[tlc]

I've been to a handful. One for a great uncle when I was 13, people were commenting that I was smiling and shouldn't be, but I didn't know the guy and didn't know how to act. Then for my grandpa and the wife's (at the time) grandpa and grandma. Then another one of her relatives, and one for a coworker's significant other. If it were up to me, the only one I'd have chosen to go to would be my grandpa, but I was close to him and he was the one person most like me and had lots of aspie traits. As for the others, I only went because I was asked, and I guess just being there meant something to the survivors, but I was more into watching the organist play.