• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Do you completely accept your Autism/ Aspergers?

epath13

epath13

the Fool.The Magician.The...
V.I.P Member
My life coach keep repeating the same thing over and over, "the 1st thing you have to do is to accept your disability" I've been wondering why he keeps repeating it, until I realized that I can't manage to accept it. So the note that I wrote (my signature) states my goal rather than what I have accomplished. Socially I made very little progress, information processing wise - I'm still on the same level. And that's what I have to accept ...I guess... But can I really? Can I accept constant confusion and slow progress? And then I wonder if it's hard for me, how is it going to be for my son? I was verbal at his age and communicated more or less fine, for him lots of things haven't "clicked" yet... With Autism it is a constant search for the right things fall into place, right conditions fall into place, and when those pieces of a puzzle connect it feels like a biggest victory on earth, but sometime I wonder if a lifetime is enough to put the picture together. Hope the statement is not too abstract... That's another thing, it's easier for me to express myself visually rather than literally. Which according to some diagnosticians is inconsistent with the diagnosis, and according to others is sign of lower functioning :) I guess I'm a little overwhelmed right now, it always happens when people require quick actions from me. But anyway... Do you think you accept your Aspergers completely?
 
It took me a while to come to terms with my diagnosis. In fact it was only about a year ago that I became more self aware of my "difference", which sent me into a temporary panic state for a couple of months. Unlike some people who were diagnosed Asperger's (which is not my dx BTW, it's "autistic disorder" :S), I wasn't really concerned about and didn't bother to question any differences I had. Hell, I hadn't even known about it for a good share of my childhood/adolescence, and as far as everyone else was concerned I was just "myself" (whatever that means now I really don't know). I'd had concerns later on about why I wasn't making any progress socially and why I started to deteriorate as an individual before my 2nd diagnosis but the question wasn't exactly "why am I different?". I can say that when I was diagnosed again that I had some of the worst years of my life.

Nowadays I don't know if I can completely accept it but from what information I've gathered in the past couple of years, and looking at where I am now compared to then I can say that I've been dealt a fairly good hand. You mentioned something about things needing to click into place first, well that's been me for as long as I can remember. Come to think of it, that's probably how I learned language and everything else. I've read horror stories of people on the spectrum who barely progress beyond the level of a younger child and need constant supervision just to be able to function for a day, and stories of people who somehow found success in life and became nearly indistinguishable from the rest of society, and I can't help but think which direction I would have gone in if I'd had a different upbringing. All I know is that I'm doing relatively fine for myself and that only time will tell where I go next in life.
 
Last edited:
I always wonder; so what if I'm accepting my autism... it's not that the world revolves around me. If everyone would accept anyone for having autism and behave "in a decent way", that would solve most of the problems. But there's really a lot of grey areas where in my opinion there still is this "yeah so? I don't care what your problem is". I'm not saying anyone should get premium treatment, but to some extent, some people are more "unable" to fit in like others. So, to me, a coach, for whatever reason someone is seeing it, is only half effective, and it's still a vicious circle if there's people around that still point out "you can't do this cause you're disabled". And even more so if it's people in the position to tell you what to do.

So accepting, whatever it is, I think it's great if you can, and do for yourself, but it's still a 2-way thing going on in society as a whole.
 
King_Oni said:
So, to me, a coach, for whatever reason someone is seeing it, is only half effective, and it's still a vicious circle if there's people around that still point out "you can't do this cause you're disabled". And even more so if it's people in the position to tell you what to do.

So accepting, whatever it is, I think it's great if you can, and do for yourself, but it's still a 2-way thing going on in society as a whole.
Click to expand...

I kept telling him, "what about others accepting me"... I guess it's more of an acceptance of reality of the situation and all it's negative and positive sides to achieve peace... as for others accepting people on the spectrum... sometimes it seems that I always have to prove something or appologize, but in theory if I just relax, do the best I can, give myself some credit for accomplishments no matter how small they seem in comparison with others' and don't kick myself for failures, then atmosphere around will change. there're still going to be ignorant people but they are not going to bother as much.

One of social workers during my son's school assestment said: "he's going to be fine. he's very cute, you wouldn't believe how much it means" :) it's almost like if we can't prove anything to the "normal" world we have to charm our way through :) wonder if he was, let's say, "aggressive" people would start suggesting medications instead of dealing with the communication issues :)

So in the end, I guess you have to think how to make yourself as comfortable as possible and decide how you want to live your life... you can treat people with respect as well as you can, and if some of them can't do the same - not your problem. I guess that's what acceptance mean... it is not easy though, but I believe it's possible... even though there're lots of people out there who will not find this approach practical...
 
Yeah, I can understand so far... it's the way I try to live my life anyway.

But it happened quite a lot to me where people somewhat physically stopped you and pointed it out. It has nothing to do with "don't care for other people". Think about terms of employment, where the employment office pretty much says "you're retarded, we can't help people like you, don't let the door hit you on the way out". Not it wasn't put like that, because that'll be legal stuff... but it kinda came down to this.

And if you ask people, for instance a coach on how to handle this BS... I've had coaches tell me "well... I don't know".

So yeah, like I said, I can and do this "as long as I'm confident about myself, I don't have to put up with other peoples accomplishments, as long as I can accept myself and my possible shortcomings". It just gets ugly if you're denied certain stuff and coaches are like "oh... I didn't know this kind of stuff still happens in 2011"
 
I have never had troubles with myself. I've always had troubles with other people. I always know I'm a good person. A bit weird, perhaps, but nothing more. But what I worry about is other people and misunderstandings. However happy I am with myself often gets beaten down by what other people accept and don't accept. It's the sort of sad truth about life sometimes. I never wanted necessarily to be like everyone else, I just felt like I had to and couldn't understand for a long time why it didn't come naturally to me.

But I do think that understanding your Asperger's helps you understand the world better from your perception. It could also be with experience and age. I generally care less, although I get the random moment where something will bother me still. The Tony Atwood book helped me quite a bit, and helped me not feel so weird about it. Forums like this one helps quite a bit too, actually. Alone time is mandatory, etc.

But yes, I do accept who I am and am generally a happy person. I do make an attempt to meet other people/Neurotypicals halfway (although I feel like I always put a disproportionate amount of work on my end), but I also believe that other people need to do the same or at least try anyhow.
 
No, I do not accept my condition whatever you want to call it; I endure it because I have no choice. But I do not like it. It is like living with an enemy who has the capacity to stab you in the back and trip you up. Yesterday I made a potentially serious mistake at work and they let me know that they would overlook it for now seeing that I am still in training, but if it should happen again . . . I live in fear of these mistakes, that my brain will betray me, that my weakness will come out; it doesn't matter how good I have been in the past, there is no mercy should I screw up. Yeah, I know people say, it's no big deal, let it go, you made a mistake, just be more careful from now on, BUT--they do not live with a brain that is untrustworthy and cannot be fixed. I cannot let it go, I have to always be on my guard, always be disciplined. And because I am supposedly "normal" I cannot talk to anyone at all about my fears without being judged.
 
I accept it. I used to not accept it because I wanted to get rid of it but now I embrace it. I also accept my anxiety and learning issues and the limitations it gives me. I think I accept all my conditions. But I am too embarrassed to mention my Asperger's so does that mean I really accept it?

I feel normal and not disabled because I work, I am very happy, I am happily married and I have a child. I feel my AS doesn't effect me even though it effects our relationship but relationship rules are over rated and don't make any sense and we are happy even if we don't follow them. No one gives me a hard time because I am not around many people and I work by myself and everyone leaves me alone. I like the environment I am in because I feel good about myself and not hate myself.
 
I guess acceptance comes when certain balance achieved in life despite of all the differences and issues. But according to some you can achieve balance once you accept the situation and yourself in it. The only reason why it's hard for me to accept it fully is that most of the time it's a challenge just to get through the day. When you live like that sometime you can get discouraged and decide that you might never be able to be independent, you will always have to rely on someone to take care of you. I do not want to feel like that. And I wish my kids would never feel like that. When I decide to relax and give myself a break life comes up with more challenges. I can't imagine how lower functioning people feel, some of them might not able to express it or connect the dots between feelings and understanding, but I think some of them do feel it.
I was at some place and a woman said: "I have to take a good care of myself because I have an Autistic daughter and I will have to take care of her for the rest of my life"... As if she's completely given up, and her daughter is only 9. How many parents think the same way? How many adults on the spectrum have decided (or maybe somebody has decided for them) that they can be nothing but a burden on their family and society? I'm reading a book about a DIR therapy and there's a phrase there, that brain never stops developing, you should never give up on your child, you should never give up on an adult. Some people think after rapid brain development it's too late to change anything, some think once a child becomes an adult - it's too late to change anything. I believe I can find a way out for myself and my kids, especially the younger one, because it's never too late. And that's the only thing that gives me hope. But sometimes I get discouraged but I do want to believe that acceptance can eliminate or reduce amount of those moments in the future.
 
Last edited:
I was diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 9, but it took me until I was 16 to fully and truly accept it. In secondary school I hated feeling different from my peers, I just wanted to fit in and be seen as "normal", which led to me resenting Aspergers and denying that I had it. Eventually I came to realise that everyone is different anyway, regardless of whether or not they have AS or whatever else, and I began to accept that I definitely have it. Things have gotten better for me since I accepted it, I think accepting my differences has made me more comfortable with them and therefore more comfortable within myself; I can even laugh about "ass burgers" now, whereas before I would have gotten angry about somebody saying that.

However, I'm still not comfortable with telling people I have Aspergers. I'm not ashamed of it any more, I just don't want to be defined by it and treated like a stereotype. That happened a lot when I met with SEN staff at school, most of them were OK but there was one woman in particular who I found very patronising. I felt she treated me like a disorder instead of an individual, which is why I'm reluctant to tell people now. I can tell some people sense something "different" about me but whether or not I'd tell them if they asked me outright would depend on how comfortable I am around them.
 
I've learned to accept mine, there are many advantages to my disorder (like natural talents), there are also lots of disadvantages (like awkward social skills). I've been trying to look at the bright side, so I'm glad I have the talents that I do, then it'll be easier to get a job and stuff like that. My family and I always knew there was something "wrong" with me, we just didn't find out until I became a Freshman in High School...at first I was a bit shocked, but I was shocked because the disorder fit me perfectly, I didn't even really know what Autism was at first, haha. Now it makes sense to me, and I've accepted it.
 
epath13 said:
My life coach keep repeating the same thing over and over, "the 1st thing you have to do is to accept your disability" I've been wondering why he keeps repeating it, until I realized that I can't manage to accept it. So the note that I wrote (my signature) states my goal rather than what I have accomplished. Socially I made very little progress, information processing wise - I'm still on the same level. And that's what I have to accept ...I guess... But can I really? Can I accept constant confusion and slow progress? And then I wonder if it's hard for me, how is it going to be for my son? I was verbal at his age and communicated more or less fine, for him lots of things haven't "clicked" yet... With Autism it is a constant search for the right things fall into place, right conditions fall into place, and when those pieces of a puzzle connect it feels like a biggest victory on earth, but sometime I wonder if a lifetime is enough to put the picture together. Hope the statement is not too abstract... That's another thing, it's easier for me to express myself visually rather than literally. Which according to some diagnosticians is inconsistent with the diagnosis, and according to others is sign of lower functioning :) I guess I'm a little overwhelmed right now, it always happens when people require quick actions from me. But anyway... Do you think you accept your Aspergers completely?
Click to expand...
I've recently had to accept my decision making and reasoning may very often be flawed when it comes to people and so aspergers is clearly the factor in that. I don't even have to call it aspergers to know I have a problem reading people. Even more so with women. The only way a girl can get me to react is to logically tell me in clear language how she feels because flirting is useless. I never understand indirect communication. Sometimes I also misread intentions either moe positively or negatively. Conclusion: I can't function as well socially and am, therefore, on the spectrum. "Autism" doesn't scare me if I have to use the term.
The up side is aspergers has given me abilities and traits I wouldn't wish to lose. It's not the end of the world. My main regret is I feel I should have been helped and diagnosed many years ago which would have made life far easier.
Don't feel too bad about it. Aspergers need not ruin your life. Once you're aware of your situation, you can learn to live around it.
 
Nope. I also have problems with this, Im allways comparing my self to others, trying to get better , trying to know how to deal with people more and trying to , get the emotional side of things more too....
There was a time that I was acepting my AS better, but otter people dont understand. The problem for me is other people , if I let other people get into my head , I dont just let they , bring me dow, I´m the one that starts bringing me down more and more and more to the point I dont have confidence , that I hate my self, and that I dont see the positives only the negatives of AS, and that ... I just get tired with, that. I need something to energize me, not to ... bring me dow... wow... I vented... that felt good.
So yeah, making cognitive terapy with my self like, theres this litle toght that comes " Tch, again , you where too intimate in a conversation again, cant you get it right?! " and if I choose to cut this toght and put this one " Yeah I screwd up, well that happens, and it will allways happen , does it mean I´m a bad person? Did I kill someone ? No, yeah the person made a look, yeah , shell get over it, she wont talk to me ? well if she dosent talk to me just becouse I did that once... " and then laugh with your self. Yeah some people call it crazy , but I dont care I like it, it makes me feel good about my self, its like I´m friends with me.
 
Thanks to peri-menopause grabbing me by the schnoz and demanding I notice the autism, yeah, I now admit that I have it. :D While things were quite challenging since I was a child, they didn't diagnose autism when someone was verbal. By the time Asperger's became a diagnosis, I'd already had public meltdowns and been institutionalized several times. :eek: I've been in hiding/keeping a very low profile at home ever since, until recent exacerbation of ASD stuff. Now I'm coming out of seclusion to learn from professionals how to live better and manage my ASD.

YAY, awesome ASD specialist!
WOOHOO, splendiferous OT lady!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, just coz WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :p

epath, I am wishing you and your dear son many positive experiences as you both learn to support your challenges and embrace your groovy neurology. :sunflower:
 
Last edited:
I would love to be one to accept my Asperger's. Most of the time, I do, but there's a BIG hurdle that gets in the way of all this. That's how my rather artistic (music, poetry, other things related to the arts) interests tend to clash with those of the "typical" Aspie (computers, sci-fi, anime, video games - note the quotation marks for the word "typical" :p ) I have met very few Aspies whose interests relate to mine, and it makes it rather difficult sometimes for me to make friends on the spectrum (though I do have some). Another reason I don't quite accept my Asperger's is because most people tend to think that "Asperger's" is basically another way of saying that you're an unstable, somewhat angry person whose anger is unintentional. That's only PARTLY true, in my case. I've come a long way, and my anger and outbursts are in control now more than they ever have been. Plus, I hate getting angry!! (Who doesn't, really?) I'd rather have people know me for my happy, friendly side, or my sensitive side, as those aspects of myself are largely representative of who I am.

On the plus side, I've befriended plenty of Aspies due to my weird, quirky sense of humor :p I want to be more than just a social comedian, though, and unfortunately, my more sensitive side often goes somewhat poorly nurtured due to my Asperger's. Any thoughts on this? Looking forward to hearing any replies back to this! :)
 
I thought I did when I found out about it, I'd accepted that it's who I am and there's nothing wrong with me. It's taken some hard truths for me to realize that even though I'd accepted that I had aspergers I hadn't accepted that I needed help dealing with my quirks. I've come to terms with it now and I've been able to see more clearly what I need to do. One of the first steps was becoming a member of a forum of like minded people who have experience and knowledge that I'm lacking. The second step was accepting that I won't let a diagnosis stop me from being the father, spouse, friend, son, sibling or employee I chose to be. I'm in a better place with it lately I know I will be the person I want to be it will just take some help from people outside of my head to achieve a better existence.
 
I accept that I am an Aspie, I perceive and process some things differently than NTs but, I refuse to accept that I am disabled because of it. If a life coach told me to "accept your disability" I'd have some rather unkind words for that life coach. My Asperger's is not a disability, I am not handicapped - I'm different I need to find different approaches that the majority and that is not the same as being disabled. I am able, just can't do it the same way NTs do it is all.
 
epath, why doesn't visual expression seem like an aspie trait? I went to a local meeting last month and met some other autistic people,and 2 of the 8 people there were into art, not including me, and I am a drafting designer. It doesn't seem all that inconsistent to me. Though maybe you mean your language is visual, not that you express yourself with actual images.

and on to your question, I am accepting, though I feel limited, and a bit depressed by that.
 
I accept it.

I am fortunate enough that my 'problems' (social awkwardness and anxiety, emotional exhaustion from dealing with people etc.), are balanced out with 'benefits' (such as the ability to hyperfocus) which have been partly instrumental in my success in my academic career, so I am quite cheerful about taking the bad with the good.

I also received my diagnosis at a time when I was happy, confidently settled into my personality, and had already learnt to 'fit in' relatively well. I think that that self assurance allowed me to take the diagnosis as a positive thing which allowed me to learn to cope with my problems better (and it really has) rather than as being labelled with a disability.

If I had been diagnosed at a time when I was unhappy, such as in my teens when I was struggling with depression and debilitating social anxiety, I would probably have been angry and miserable about it, and taken it as a confirmation that I was weird, useless, and would never fit in or be happy. It's fortunate that the psychological team I was seeing at that time immediately dismissed autism as a diagnosis because I didn't display 'typical traits'.
 
It took me about 6 months or so to accept my diagnosis and actualy begin to study and learn about how I could better manage and cope with being Aspie. It will take my wife even longer as she still struggles with it at times, but its much better now that pre diagnosis. As far as others accepting me as I am, if they dont like and cannot accept me for who I am, then they can piss off. I have never had many friends, and that means true friends that are still friends after a long period of time were they get to see the best and the worst of what its like being on the spectrum. Mike
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom