Do you enjoy being an aspie/autist?

[Christian T]

I'm 16 years old, and have never been behind the wheel of a car. I still have absolutely no understanding of how the road works, and don't know if I ever will.

Yep, same here, and I'm 17. It's a tad embarrassing when I hear my classmates discussing getting Ls and their 100 hours driving experience, but if they ask me, they usually understand why I haven't even started because of my motor dyspraxia. I could never operate something so dangerous when my spatial awareness and reaction times are so hopeless, and its painful to hear other being so casual about driving.

Also, do you think it's worse being a male who can't drive, seeing as people can sort of accept a female dependent on lifts (I think it's sexist, but it's the way it it is)?

I have the ability to amaze people with my memory and spelling ability

Ah yes, that must be intoxicating. I'm treated as a god in French, linguistics and English classes, because they're my obsessions and the areas that most of my intellectual capacity is channelled towards.

 

[Cerulean]

I'm beginning to not like having Aspergers at all. I don't like that everyones first thoughts about me are less than neutral, that I'm just "weird" and am having a difficult time masquerader as normal. Being a teenager and the whole "being unique is cool!" thing only lasts for so long until you realize that no, that is not how it is in the real world. It's not highschool anymore. Quirks bordering on anti-social aren't going to fly. I want to blend in.

What good is high intelligence if I'm on lockdown all the time.

I had the same feelings during high school and after graduation and it was awful. I lost a good number of friends and a couple of relationship because I couldn't deal with some social situations. I'm 27 now and the only thing I wish I could change about my aspie-ness is my social weirdness. Fortunately now I'm with someone who's more aware of and sensitive to my issues and he can be kind of a buffer zone for me because he is super comfortable in social situations.

 

[Divrom]

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Someone once asked me, meaning it as a compliment, "What's it like to be you?" I replied that it was horrible, lonely and frustrating.

 

[Bay]

Mostly I like it, but there are things about it that are frustrating and, occassionally, soul crushing. Why do you hate it so much Divrom?

 

[Divrom]

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Someone once asked me, meaning it as a compliment, "What's it like to be you?" I replied that it was horrible, lonely and frustrating.

I think it's just because it's so exhausting.

It's hard work just talking to people and being 'normal'.

 

[Bay]

It is exhausting, must be more so for you, given your work. Are you able to take the down time that you need? I know that if I don't I will eventually hit a wall where I cannot function.

 

[King_Oni]

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Someone once asked me, meaning it as a compliment, "What's it like to be you?" I replied that it was horrible, lonely and frustrating.

People asked me that before... I told them... you wouldn't last a day.

A while later I came in to a therapists office, had sessions with them and they were surprised that, the way the made notes and studied my file, that I was as sane as I am/was back then. Therapists told me... most people would've went insane a long time ago... or eventually commited suicide.

So my answer, I guess isn't too far off, just like I feel I'm never off in self-diagnosing something heading to a doctors office and get confirmation for it.

 

[Bay]

King_Oni has a point. Much of what we endure would be hard for ordinary people to bear. It seems to me that we have all developed a sort of survivor's mentality. I mean, we all try so damned hard to get things right, in one way or another. It is something I have been thinking about, and I haven't yet fully developed my thoughts on it. I am struck, again and again, by how hard we try to sort things out and the extent to which we care that we are going to be all right. In our own way many of us are remarkably resilient and very determined, it seems. I know that sometimes it is very, very hard to consider a lifetime of what we endure, yet here we are. Maybe I am off course here, I don't know.

 

[antarcticMetal]

Ironically enough, I think that being an Aspie is why I find it so very hard to post on Aspie forums. Now and then in my life I have occasionally found some place or some group where (or with whom) I thought I belonged. It has always turned out that I did not belong. I know that I qualify. I have a formal DX, and I have just found out that my numbers on the tests were in the severe range. Before my DX, I had a terrible dream in which I was in a totally white place, but was surrounded by aspies who were all laughing at me. These feelings are all that I dislike about my Asperger's. When I'm alone, or with my sons, I glad to be me exactly as I am. I consider it my glorious geekdom. I love how I can get so much fun and joy out of simple little things. I'm glad I can think for myself and that what someone else might think or do is not my first consideration. Still, because of vast experience in RL, I feel that whatever I say or post will somehow be the wrong thing. Maybe telling this will help me get over it.

 

[Christian T]

I don't like that everyones first thoughts about me are less than neutral

That can be truly frustrating. I must say that I have the permanent uncontrollable demeanour of a drunk psychopath. Wherever I go, my body language and voice are somehow so markedly different to other people's, and just about everyone I pass at least inwardly finds me absolutely bizarre. I cringe whenever I see myself in window reflections or in a recording, because I always catch myself getting that my aspie quirks and frenetic Tourette's facial tics are going to set me apart from NTs.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not hoping to magically transform myself into an NT. That's just ludicrous, like wanting to flood the continents just because 70% of Earth is ocean, and land is the minority. Numbers aren't everything.

 

[King_Oni]

I don't like that everyones first thoughts about me are less than neutral, that I'm just "weird" and am having a difficult time masquerader as normal.

But how can you be sure that this can only be attributed to Aspergers? Maybe comorbid disorders? Personality? Heck, it could even be looks... people still get treated differently based on gender, race, religion, looks and even accent. Or maybe you run into a lot of people who judge too fast.

 

[HelloDizzy]

A lot of my traits are due to Aspergers; at least, I'm assuming that's why I'm so withdrawn. I don't know exactly why I come across as weird, considering how normal and all-American I look. Oh well, I doubt I'll become likable anytime soon lol

 

[almost invisible]

I hate being an Aspy. I have lost jobs, friendships and family. I am lonely and isolated.
I cannot understand anyone who is ok with having Aspergers.

I would do anything to be normal.

 

[Dusty285]

I am glad that I know what my functional problems come from. It is very liberating. Except for my immediate family, I keep it to myself. I have always felt that people are constantly attacking me. Usually they were. I feel better off if no one knows.

 

[Pella]

For me, I the diagnosis has been wonderful. Knowing that I will never be normal gives me the freedom to stop trying to fix things that arent' fixable and probably aren't that important to begin with, and to focus on the things I can work on. My self esteem has improved, my functionality, I have more hope. How much of these good things are really part of me being an aspie, or just me being an aspie is a part of me. Is my creativity, intelligence, quirkiness, is just me or is part of the aspie part of me. In a poem for school i referred to myself as quirky. I always considered quirky to be a positive connotation. But the teacher had everyone look it up in the dictionary and basically left the class with the notion that quirkiness were a negative thing, it made me so mad. But I am quirky, I like quirky things. How many shows and movies sell themselves as quirky now, alot of the poplular ones (at least in tv)

 

[Mr Faramoose]

considering we don't know what it's like to be anything like normal, which really I should call, sociable , or people off the spectrum, because there are a lot of weird people who aren't even remotely autistic., so really it's hard to say do we enjoy being autistic because it's all we've ever known how to be. However, I think you're asking more about, would we like to do the things normal people do without the issues surrounding them, for example, going to a pub or restaurant and becoming anxious over ordering whilst being barged into by drunken people or forgetting the order and appearing stupid [I've heard this from more than one aspie] or going out to a family occasion because you're exected to do so and feeling like you just want to go home and hide and be alone, because it feels so stupid to conform and see family you do not know, when you could communicate with them just as easily on the internet, and lets be honest, probably far more easily than if you are in a crowded hot stuffy room with people you rarely see or have never met. I guess also feeling understood is a part of it, like, being aspie you probably feel that you stand out, or you are called weird because you can't naturally blend into the group, which makes you feel worse, depressed or maybe extremely anxious, making it less likely you'll want to go out and try to be a part of that group and take part in that activity again, for fear of appearing stupid, or weird. Now if I could still have the little mannerisms of making people laugh by saying complete ridiculous things without the fear of being ridiculed of outcast, then yes I would like to not be an aspie. However, I find it incredibly easy to concentrate on things that normal people would find hard, sometimes or hours on end, which I'm sure if I found employment again could be used to my advantage, because I wouldn't feel so much that I had to talk to my fellow workers and ignore my work. Just one thing there that potential bosses could use, sometimes the weirdo in the corner is one of the best people to have on board. To summarise [I know I've gone on, yes I'd change it if I could, but then life would be boring and even more pointless because we'd be as similar to one another as two peas in a pod. Unless there was like a really massive mutant pea who wanted to conquer all the others and dominate them.

 

[Daniel]

I love it when the "Similar Threads" box turns up something that captures how I'm feeling... I've been asking myself this question a lot lately. Now that I get what's different about me, it has tended to replace the old question, "do I enjoy being alive?"...but not really, 'cause it's the same thing.

One thing that helped me self-diagnose was realizing that all the things I like about myself corresponded with my "Aspieness", if you know what I mean, and all the things I didn't like about myself reflected my inability to just go along and get along the way NTs do.

I think I enjoy being an Aspie, but I don't like having to measure up to NTs' standards.

 

[Geordie]

I enjoy being an Autie. I have High-Functioning Autism, as I have speech delays plus a marked impairment in social interaction.

There are a few types of Auties - those Auties that refuse being diagnosed, and those Auties who are thankful of being diagnosed. I am really appreciative that Autism gives me a perspective in life others may not have.

Being Autie is so already part of me. It is not so much of the diagnosis or inability of things I cannot do, or the pressures I can get away with being an Autie, as what would be reasonably expected of an Autie. Rather, it is more with the possibilities that I can achieve with me being an Autie - fighting to really live life fully in my own way.

As a young Asian, I live in a society surrounded by conformity - it is often so much more easier to break away from one parent's vision of you than to live your own life, which has lots of risks and lots of uncertainties, than to be your own self - that could benefit society as a whole even more than living your family's dreams. It is extra harder being a person with autism, more so than having other conditions in my experience (I also have AD/HD, dyslexia, depression and bipolar disorder) we have to really follow the societal norms external agents impose on us.

Some societal portions are indeed sensible and reasonable, I will do my best to follow them. For example, society wants me to support my family. The usual Asian (ex-Japan) governments don't provide extensive welfare to elderly parents. So it is my responsibility to find a proper, reasonably-paid job to support my parents. I will do my best to fulfill this responsibility despite the odds, stacked against people with autism gaining employment.

However, other societal parts are not reasonable. For example, the usual Asian elders (especially those who don't know their younger friends or relatives well) will want their children and grandchildren to settle down quickly and have children. My elder sisters were still uncertain in their careers, and they are presently already having two children. Autism teaches me the ability to question these societal assumptions. I will usually quote Confucius' Great Learning:

Their persons being cultivated, their families were regulated.
Their families being regulated, their States were rightly governed.
Their States being rightly governed, the entire world was at peace.

In Chinese it's just 8 words... Let us leave that aside.

Anyway.

If you can't support yourself, how do you reasonably expect to support others?

Life in Singapore, an Asian society, as an Autie is an unique one, if we place it against the experiences of other Aspies around the world. But being an Aspie is good, with unique features of life. Because we are different, we are one.

 

[Jacki Cucinotta]

If I could summarize the top 5 things I like about being an Aspie and the top 4 things that I'm not crazy about in relation to being an Aspie (can't really come up with a fifth thing that doesn't repeat the other four things), it would be the following:

Top 5 Likes (in no particular order):
1. Highly motivated and goal-oriented with high attention to detail
2. Knowing that I'm part of a unique community of awesome individuals
3. Extremely high desire to learn
4. Being able to educate/spread awareness about AS to others and broaden their understanding of it
5. Appreciating the little things in life (i.e., the presence of the sun, the taste of breakfast, the steam from a warm shower, etc.)

Top 4 Dislikes (again, in no particular order):
1. Have trouble communicating my thoughts clearly to others
2. Difficulty in auditory processing, no matter how hard I pay attention to something
3. Not being able to enjoy social gatherings in the same way many non-AS individuals seem to
4. Feeling that I'm looked at as "different" from some NTs (in other words, misunderstood by others)

With that said, what are the top 5 things you like about being an Aspie, Autie, or an individual with PDD-NOS and what are the top 5 things you dislike about being an Aspie, Autie, or an individual with PDD-NOS (don't worry if you can't come up with 5 for likes and 5 for dislikes - just list as many as you can think of for each)? Also, is there a nickname for someone who has PDD-NOS? If so, please let me know as I'm really curious to see if there is one like there is for AS and autism.

 

[Geordie]

The top 5 things I like being an Autie:

1. I am intuitively passionate in whatever I set out to do. I will just spend all my time doing what I love, as long as I know it's awesome. Seriously, the world needs more spontaneous fun people like Aspies and Auties.
2. Being an Autie, I can simply and plainly make every 'boring' thing 'cool' and 'interesting'.
3. Most Auties are direct to the point. Their clarity brings honesty - a trait that is long lost in today's deceptive society.
4. Name me another group of people more intuitively passionate than Aspies? I can't, seriously, haha
5. Able to withstand physical loneliness, assuming we have strong passions to work on an idea

What I don't like in Auties:

1. Some people on the Spectrum, even when presented with fact and reason, still stubbornly refuse to change their ways to contribute to the larger cause. This is the number one difficulty I face while I work as a volunteer in Singapore, for people with special needs.

Many people on the Spectrum I know in Singapore seems to look only for themselves and not for others - we, as a whole, refuse to band together and work towards a more inclusive society. Among us people with Autism, for example, I am already unpopular because I just stated my point, 'people with autism have the same social developmental delays and lack of functioning, no matter the age of when they speak', as a person with High Functioning Autism. My view angers both Aspies (because they maintain the notion that having no 'speech delays' are essential in their identities) and HFAs who just want to be accepted in the NT society, and that they want all ASDs regardless of their current ability to forcibly work towards that. (I feel like showing you verbal evidence on that, but I choose not to.)

I admit, I find it hard to work with them - even more so than NTs. And don't most reasonable NTs want to see unity that works in favor of them?

Some people with Asperger's Syndrome and PDD-NOS are sabotaging my reason, and purposely just focus on their energies, not on empowering all people on the Autism Spectrum, but... focusing their energy on inclusion on the DSM-V as a separate condition.

Mind me for being direct. We do not need cures. We do not need exclusion within the Autism Spectrum. We need to think, and work, for all people on the Autism Spectrum. We also need to work with the rest of society to build a more gracious, more inclusive society, that is more able as a whole, to address societal issues that we all face.

For some reasons, I do not face this difficulty here on Aspies Central; though slowly, the good work we did in this forum may attract a few opportunist Auties and Aspies to be here.

And of course:

2. Being awkward socially.
3. Not being able to present ourselves to get through interviews, social functions, etc.
4. Difficulties in supporting ourselves financially, because many of us have a lack of self-control due to our 'watertight' mind, fixated on some obsessions.
5. Especially relevant to Asians like me, not being able to 'go with the flow' and conform, and take opportunity of the so-called 'Asian Century'.

Don't worry.

I just hope somehow, I make autism awesome, through improving my skills and abilities, for society's larger good.