Do you feel invisible on Facebook?

[113]

Thinking about this more, most people usually don't mix all of their friends and family in real life, and I think there are very good reasons for that. Facebook is really a very unnatural way to socialize.

That's exactly the problem. You can't mix together every single person that you know and talk about anything intelligent without it having strange effects. Everything gravitates towards the lowest common denominator, which is sunset photos with inspirational quotes.

 

[clg114]

No, I do not feel invisible on facebook. I am invisible on facebook. I do not use facebook , but my wife, kids and grandkids do use facebook. Somebody is always mad at somebody about something that happened on facebook. As I have said before, I think facebook is a breeding ground for misinformation and bad feelings.

 

[King_Oni]

I guess it depends on what kind of stuff one posts on FB. And that ultimately feels a bit more like a gauge towards people I interact with.

A few tidbits on my FB that come to mind; I post pretty much all my posts in English, despite I have a 50/50 mix of dutch as well as English speaking friends. That culminates in me posting all kinds of puns and jokes in English, because I read so much English stuff I can hardly come up with a dutch language pun anymore. It also means that a lot of my friends who aren't as well versed in English totally miss the joke.

If I add in that my sense of humor is a bit on the outskirts of "mainstream" (some might consider it dark and disturbing at times) I can't expect people to all like and "get" what I post.

And obviously, it comes down to what I post on whether it gets attention. Lately I've been posting a few more liquor related posts and those apparently draw a specific group in my friendslist as it seems. The reverse logic would dictate, that if I post stuff, and feel ignored on FB, that apparently no one is interested in these things. One might interpret that as a bit of an "attack" to oneself since apparently people have no interest in what stuff you like as a person.

As for people "complaining" how FB is a bad place to discuss and argue; yes it is, and that's why I don't get draw into petty FB debates. If I want to debate something I'll join a forum, if I just want to share some funny things, I'll use Facebook.

On a related note; I should probably be way, way more worried if anyone in terms of business and/or potential employment would check out my FB (it's set on private though) since it probably won't go over well. However, I do post the stuff I like and in a way, it's what represents me. And if that, at times would represent me as a dark and brooding, ranting and raving alcoholic, so be it... if anything, I'm sick of that duality of people posing as one thing online and another thing offline.

 

[garnetflower13]

I have come to really hate Facebook. I only joined because I used to belong to an Aspie support group, and the woman who ran it suggested we all have a FB page to keep in touch. Well, nobody even answers me when I post or reply to a post, so I stopped wasting time in there. And as for friends, I realize that I foolishly thought that I could reconnect with people I had known a long time ago but they never bother with me, or only if I wish them a happy birthday they might "like" that. The only reason I don't shut down my profile is that there are some nice posts from when I got married. And my daughter sometimes sends me messages. Otherwise, I much prefer coming to AC.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Sometimes I forget my art page is actually there for people to check me out and I'm always surprised when it gets a new like. As if I'm a deer in the headlights, "oh my gosh, something is looking at me! o_o"

 

[Jimbo]

Wow! Some great responses on here! Seems that the majority of aspies responding so far don't particularly like Facebook. There does seem to be a lot of drama on there. I have learned that arguing over politics on there is useless and there is no need to strain friendships over what a bunch of knucklehead politicians are doing.

At least no one is invisible on this forum! Some great folks here!

 

[Datura]

Sometimes I used to feel invisible on facebook. I think this happened more after facebook started "curating" its content though algorithms, allowing computers to determine what is most relevant to it's audience. It could also be that my interests were completely out of line with my facebook friends.

I actually quit facebook a while ago, for multiple reasons. Fist of all is the use of the word "friend." Many of the people you add on facebook are not true friends. Couldn't they just use the term "contact?" Despite this many people seem to take the word too seriously and treat these casual internet contacts as though they are indeed strong social bonds. This results in some very awkward interactions.

Many people also have a tendency to dredge up their personal argument and internal monologues and post them for the whole world to see. This results in a lot of hurt feelings, confusion, and a stream flooded with content you honestly don't care about.

Speaking of which; most of what ends up in my feed wasn't relevant to my interests. Still, facebook is addictive enough that one can spend hours wading through garbage just to find the few items of actual interest. The new algorithms were created, in part, to address these issues, but one of the problems with that is a positive feedback loop where one finds themselves inundated with more and more content of the same nature creating an echo chamber effect and isolating you from a variety of perspectives.

Paramount in my decision to quit is the very nature of facbook's business model in which they profit from selling people's personal information. Granted, joining facebook is a voluntary act, but considering the platforms ubiquity the power dynamic is hardly fair. Facebook users are essentially cyber peasants, generating valuable data to which they have no ownership. That is why, even though it puts me "out of the loop", I deleted my facebook account.

Funny enough, shortly after quitting facebook I started an other account. This was because I was trying to start a band, and found that everyone was ignoring my texts and emails. When I sent a message on facebook, however, everyone responded. Even though my band members are the only people on my friends list I still see my stream filled with the chit chat of a bunch of people I don't even know. It's like facebook wants you to be overwhelmed by the flow of information.

 

[dragonless]

There have been a few studies that show FB will cause you to be depressed (or more depressed); i've certainly found that to be true. i do feel invisible there and often wonder if everyone i remain in contact with (about 6 ppl) has removed me from their feeds. As 113 mentioned, if i post anything other than a cute kitty or a pretty flower i get zero responses. i've long believed FB can (usually) bring out the worst in people even though it did have wonderful possibilities in the beginning. FB is where i go to be reminded how alien and isolated i am from others. i've only kept a tenuous link to it because it has been my only contact with others (however few) for many years.

 

[GoofKing]

That's the whole reason why I quit FB a couple of years ago, that and I've heard stories that the site has the rights to keep your info or something like that and the only way to get rid of your info on that site is to tell them that the person (you) is deceased I think :/ I mainly added people from past schools I went to but unfortunately we all had a falling out. Plus there was some drama I started which I'm not proud of. I guess you could say that I'm too ashamed to return to FB.

Also there's the fact that I don't want to talk to my mother nor Aunt. My mom could careless about how I'm doing and my Aunt just wants to hit me up for money because she can't handle money to save her life :| Yep, I'm avoiding people, especially my own family ...

 

[wyverary]

I kinda like Facebook. It allows me to interact with people who share the same interests, and like it or not, it's pretty much the only way these days to keep up with old friends. If I consistently dislike the things somebody posts, it's easy enough to hide those from my feed. It's where I get a lot of my news concerning my special interests (mostly concerning science and mental health), and I share things that interest me, although I've learned to shy away from particularly controversial topics, because I don't have much interest in starting arguments (though that rarely ever happened). Do I feel ignored? Nah, not really. Then again, I guess I don't care all that much, which is what it all comes down to.

 

[Jimbo]

I kinda like Facebook. It allows me to interact with people who share the same interests, and like it or not, it's pretty much the only way these days to keep up with old friends. If I consistently dislike the things somebody posts, it's easy enough to hide those from my feed. It's where I get a lot of my news concerning my special interests (mostly concerning science and mental health), and I share things that interest me, although I've learned to shy away from particularly controversial topics, because I don't have much interest in starting arguments (though that rarely ever happened). Do I feel ignored? Nah, not really. Then again, I guess I don't care all that much, which is what it all comes down to.

I agree that there are a few positives from using Facebook. I have found old friends from 30 years ago and we actually started having a yearly reunion. This probably would have never happened without Facebook.

The feeling of seeming like I am invisible could be my fault to some extent. It could be that I don't comment or like others posts so they feel like they don't have to like mine. It does create some misinterpretations in relationships. Especially for those of us who are not good at the whole social thing.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I only really get replies from my mum, grandma, and one or two of my best friends.
People I've added from family and classmates who enjoy being in my company, but aren't really friends, I hear nothing from.
And then on my birthday, my page bloomin' explodes with happy birthday wishes from everyone.
Pretty strange how that works.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I only really get replies from my mum, grandma, and one or two of my best friends.
People I've added from family and classmates who enjoy being in my company, but aren't really friends, I hear nothing from.
And then on my birthday, my page bloomin' explodes with happy birthday wishes from everyone.
Pretty strange how that works.

 

[wyverary]

I agree that there are a few positives from using Facebook. I have found old friends from 30 years ago and we actually started having a yearly reunion. This probably would have never happened without Facebook.

The feeling of seeming like I am invisible could be my fault to some extent. It could be that I don't comment or like others posts so they feel like they don't have to like mine. It does create some misinterpretations in relationships. Especially for those of us who are not good at the whole social thing.

This is why I have actually learned to treat Facebook somewhat differently from the real world. In my own case, All my friends are all over the world anyways, so I think there's that particular dynamic that everyone has to take into account.

 

[Harrison]

All my friends are all over the world anyways, so I think there's that particular dynamic that everyone has to take into account.

This is why I have it, my friends and ex-students are scattered far and wide so it is useful in that way.

 

[danielcollins]

Thinking about this more, most people usually don't mix all of their friends and family in real life, and I think there are very good reasons for that. Facebook is really a very unnatural way to socialize.

This - So much this!

Facebook for me, was a very personal space where I had likes and things on there I wouldn't want my family seeing or people I work with. Now some of my family members want to be friends on there and I feel uneasy about saying anything. I wouldn't have an big discussion in real life with half of my relatives and my friends all in ear-shot.

I hate censorship and I refuse to censor anything I say on Facebook, although much like what you say I rarely get any comments/likes because I feel like the people I know don't care about what I do.

There was a major issue with Facebook and my work once where I said something in confidence (I probably shouldn't have said it in retrospect) to my friends of Facebook and it made it's way back to work, anonymously. Nearly lost my job over that and I felt very betrayed - like the people I trusted the most, had anonymously betrayed me.

Since then I've cared much less about the site because I feel like I can't say anything in confidence. Not to mention the extremely complex privacy settings which still confuse me to this date. I did, at one point drop Facebook all together and just use Twitter , which I adore - it's simple and I say what I like.. I have total choice of my audience (to some extent).

There's too much conflict of interest on Facebook and I find it hard to have people on there that I wouldn't trust knowing very personal things about me on there. My friends list, unlike most seems to be shortening as I flush people out who I don't want access to my personal views any more.

I backed FB up a few years ago and completely manually deleted all content from it, just so I could retain some friendships I had from many years gone by.

I miss the days of MSN when I went to the computer for a conversation, rather than a postal-style message system on Facebook.

 

[Slithytoves]

This is why I have actually learned to treat Facebook somewhat differently from the real world. In my own case, All my friends are all over the world anyways, so I think there's that particular dynamic that everyone has to take into account.

This is true. My friends are scattered across the globe, too, but I've just stuck to email for communicating with them. It's just so weird that email seems to be considered passé for social communication these days. I must be older than I think. Thank goodness all of my friends are, too.

There was a major issue with Facebook and my work once where I said something in confidence (I probably shouldn't have said it in retrospect) to my friends of Facebook and it made it's way back to work, anonymously. Nearly lost my job over that and I felt very betrayed - like the people I trusted the most, had anonymously betrayed me.

Wow. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. What a violation, and an embarrassment. My sister is a nurse, and two other nurses who worked with her were fired for stuff they posted on facebook about their employer. Their accounts were private, so one of their facebook friends from work must have either taken screenshots, or pulled up the messages and showed a supervisor. What a rotten thing to do.

I think a lot of people have become a little too comfortable with what we post on social media. It's become such a standard vehicle for social interaction that we just don't consider the reality that it's all there for the record, and can easily be used against us. Your friend today might be your enemy tomorrow. Heck, your friend might become your enemy because of facebook!

 

[danielcollins]

Wow. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. What a violation, and an embarrassment. My sister is a nurse, and two other nurses who worked with her were fired for stuff they posted on facebook about their employer. Their accounts were private, so one of their facebook friends from work must have either taken screenshots, or pulled up the messages and showed a supervisor. What a rotten thing to do.

I think a lot of people have become a little too comfortable with what we post on social media. It's become such a standard vehicle for social interaction that we just don't consider the reality that it's all there for the record, and can easily be used against us. Your friend today might be your enemy tomorrow. Heck, your friend might become your enemy because of facebook!

Yep I lost a lot of interest in the website afterwards and I never really took myself back to it since. Much prefer twitter and I keep things as vague and anonymous as possible to avoid confusion.

I never did find out who it was, I don't think I ever will.. which upsets me but there's not much I can do about that.

I've fallen out with people because I've unfriended them, just because they post crap or we don't really talk often. Seems crazy to me why someone would be upset about something so ridiculous as that but that's there game.

You're right, we probably have become a little too comfortable - many times have I wished we could go back to a time when the world wasn't so constantly connected!

 

[garnetflower13]

Facebook depresses me. I realize the hypocrisy of calling people friends who never interact with me or send me a private message. It reminds me to feel sorry for myself,which is why I hardly go in there.

 

[Ericho]

I get Facebook updates all the time, but they never really say much. I get a couple messages back and invites, which don't even seem to show up.