Do you forgive easily?

[alien girl]

If it was an honest (and harmless) mistake, yes, I forgive. If it was a careless mistake or intentional, especially one you keep doing, "sorry" ain't gonna cut it. I won't forgive, I won't forget, and I'll only go easy on you if you prove that you won't do it again.

the problem with forgiving is that it's not even about forgiving but about trust. if someone did something nasty intentionally once, he'll do it again. you stab me in the back once, shame on you. you stab me in the back twice, shame on me. someone does something nasty and mean, it means something about his personality, and this isnt going to change, ever, because people dont change their personailites.

 

[Amee]

If the person who did something wrong is aware of it, regrets it, feels bad about it, I will forgive them in a heartbeat and move on right away. If they don't - we have a problem.

 

[Cali Cat]

I can forgive easily, but I never forget.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I heard a sermon a couple of weeks ago on forgiveness that made the most sense of any I have ever heard on the topic. It went like this: Forgiveness is NOT the same as reconciliation. You may have forgiven a person but you are under no obligation whatsoever to reconcile with them. Unfortunately many people confuse the two and when they insist that you must forgive what they really mean is you must reconcile. It is that fundamental misunderstanding that keeps people like us in situations long past the time when we should be cutting our losses and getting out. Forgiving a person does not mean you keep allowing them to treat you like sh^t.

So, to revise my understanding of the terms, I tend to forgive, but not to reconcile.

This is pretty close to my understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean I trust the person again--they have to earn trust. Earning trust is something they choose to do or not. But forgiveness is something only I can do (in relation to that particular offense), and it's more about my freedom than theirs.

When someone has hurt me, not forgiving means I hold them responsible to fix the problem. Unless the person is especially integrous, that's not likely to happen in most cases. When I forgive, I take ownership of the responsibility to fix the problem as it affects my life (not fix them, but fix the effects on me of their mistake).

So for example, if one of my sisters says something nasty to me...forgiving her means I don't hold a grudge against her, waiting for her to apologize and change, before I face the emotions in me that came up as a result of what she said. I forgive...I take responsibility to deal with the problem on my end...and I can move on with my life. That doesn't mean I trust her with my emotions again--I might spend less time around her for a while, and I'm more guarded when I am around her. But I don't sit around waiting for her to do just the right thing or say the right thing to make me feel better before I can put it past me and not be so emotionally trigger-happy with her.

So to answer the original question...

I tend to forgive easily, but I don't trust easily on a deep level. That said, I'm also very gullible, so that might be where I trust too easily on a shallow level...not sure.

 

[indigogrl1979]

No... I dont. I tend to hold grudges.......I just feel like you hurt me once, i can never trust you again. So its goodbye so long!