Do you hate it when random strangers tell you to ''cheer up''?

[autism-and-autotune]

I agree with you. Sometimes people telling me to cheer up sounds like a criticism or even snark.

Perhaps both; maybe even dismissive, too? Someone else in the thread phrased it perfectly: (my paraphrase) that they are even uncomfortable with sitting with their own emotions.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I probably wouldn't have noticed unless she got "in my face" and said it. My hearing tends to be oversensitive, so I generally try to tune out crowd noises. In one on one situations, it does tend to come off as annoying if the person doesn't have good information on my situation. What REALLY bugs me is when they feel it's okay to TOUCH me when they say things like that. When I was a kid, I immediately squirmed away from the physical contact. Then I "grew up" and learned to take it. I'm considering going back to squirming away next time.

 

[GrownupGirl]

When are people in our toxic positivity-fueled society going to learn that it's okay to not be okay?

"Cheer up! Smile! Life's too short to be sad!"

"Your life's gonna even shorter if you don't shut up"

 

[Rogue Princess]

You all remind me of the guy who looked like he was having a rough day in my old apartment building elevator. I very politely and calmly asked him if he was okay and I get a "NO, I'M NOT(deleted) OK!!! DO I LOOK LIKE I'M OK?" Followed by a very angry aggressive rant.

Honestly, I don't deserve that. Sometimes I wish I had a gun so I could pop people like that between the eyeballs.

Humans deserve their misery.

 

[Misty Avich]

I wouldn't mind so much if a stranger asked me if I was all right. It sounds more appropriate than a curt "cheer up!"

 

[MROSS]

I've learned to keep a "stiff upper lip" (being stoic) when away from familliar people - even during one of those "bad days" we all periodically experience from time to time.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I wouldn't mind so much if a stranger asked me if I was all right. It sounds more appropriate than a curt "cheer up!"

I was in a situation where I had severe heat exhaustion and was alone. I had just drank a bottle of Gatorade and was lying down, so I really only needed time to cool down and rest. A young man walked by and stopped with an alarmed look on his face. He asked "Are you ok?" I said, "No, but I will be after a bit." So he left. No one else came by before I was able to get up and walk again.

Hint: When you see someone in distress, don't leave them alone until you know they're actually ok.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I typically don't have any issues with people who mean well, but it's interesting that phrases such as 'cheer up', 'just relax!' and similar things usually elicit a paradoxical response immediately, if not feelings of invalidation.

For example, once I was seeing a psychologist for anxiety (I didn't know I had ASD at the time) and something he said a lot was, "Just relax!". This made me even more aware of how I was projecting myself and basically made me withdrawal from him even more, because he couldn't handle normal human emotions.

So honestly, I wouldn't get irked if someone told me to cheer up, but they'd be invalidating my experience as a human, not looking for common ground and understanding, and I'd realize immediately that we're not emotional-equals and therefore I can definitely not confide in them ever again, only remaining cordial.

When someone can't deal with or recognize that humans go through the whole spectrum of emotions at varying times, you might as well be talking to a child.

 

[Au Naturel]

I typically don't have any issues with people who mean well, but it's interesting that phrases such as 'cheer up', 'just relax!' and similar things usually elicit a paradoxical response immediately, if not feelings of invalidation.

For example, once I was seeing a psychologist for anxiety (I didn't know I had ASD at the time) and something he said a lot was, "Just relax!". This made me even more aware of how I was projecting myself and basically made me withdrawal from him even more, because he couldn't handle normal human emotions.

So honestly, I wouldn't get irked if someone told me to cheer up, but they'd be invalidating my experience as a human, not looking for common ground and understanding, and I'd realize immediately that we're not emotional-equals and therefore I can definitely not confide in them ever again, only remaining cordial.

When someone can't deal with or recognize that humans go through the whole spectrum of emotions at varying times, you might as well be talking to a child.

I am at a loss as to why suggesting that one "cheer up" invalidates your experience as a human being. Maybe they don't understand what you are going through, and they are simply doing unto you as they would have you do unto them if they were feeling blue. The same thing is true of someone telling you to relax when you've become hyper. They may not be effective at identifying where you are coming from.

It might be more useful to teach relaxation techniques. There are ways to improve one's mood when things are bad. Something you might ask about. Finding common ground is the responsibility of both parties.

Psychologist says, "Just relax!"

You say, "It's not that simple. How do I do that?"

Stranger says, "Cheer up!"

This person saw you were in pain and wants you not to be in pain. Seeing this as a small act of kindness, you say, "Thank you. I'm working on it." and go about your business.

Do not conflate ignorance with malice, or you will make your life far more miserable than it needs to be. People are unique. The psych might be the perfect match for a different patient. Often, one needs to go through a few before finding one who is in synch.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I am at a loss as to why suggesting that one "cheer up" invalidates your experience as a human being.

Mostly because it sounds like, 'get over it'.

 

[Au Naturel]

Mostly because it sounds like, 'get over it'.

That is just your interpretation. If they wanted to say, "Get over it!" that is what they would say.

 

[Misty Avich]

That is just your interpretation. If they wanted to say, "Get over it!" that is what they would say.

How people communicate isn't always logical or precise. I always feel a curt sort of tone when random strangers tell me to cheer up, as if to say "stop looking so sad/grouchy". But when I'm deep in thought I'm not always thinking about making a happy facial expression unless I'm feeling happy about something. I wish strangers would butt out. I find it embarrassing and patronising when I'm told to cheer up, because they don't know what could be going on in my life.
When my mum was first diagnosed with cancer I was feeling incredibly worried, with all these thoughts going round in my head and trying my hardest not to cry, when some stranger stared at me then said "cheer up!" It almost triggered me. I understood that he didn't know about my problems, but I also thought that strangers should mind their own business instead of expecting everyone to smile all the time.

 

[Cryptid]

HE: "Cheer up, mate!"

ME: "Do something to cheer me up."

HE: "Like what?"

ME: "Leave."

 

[Jumpinbare]

This person saw you were in pain and wants you not to be in pain. Seeing this as a small act of kindness, you say, "Thank you. I'm working on it." and go about your business.

It's so much easier to ignore other people's problems. If someone tries anything to help, they should be appreciated for that. Of course, no one can know all the details. But just knowing someone cares can be valuable.

 

[Au Naturel]

It's so much easier to ignore other people's problems. If someone tries anything to help, they should be appreciated for that. Of course, no one can know all the details. But just knowing someone cares can be valuable.

I believe that an inability to be grateful for small courtesies makes your own life more miserable than it needs to be. This is something I did not understand when I was young. Once you build your identity around the world sucking and people being uncaring, it requires an affirmative effort to change that worldview. It's easier to default to anger rather than to try to take it any other way.

 

[Judge]

Could be worse. Imagine being approached by a flash mob led by Dick Van Dyke.

But I bet that Dick wouldn't sing that to Clint Eastwood.