Do You Have Empathy?

[unsurewhattoname]

I'm not angry at the author. But I think that statement of hers is overly simplistic.

For some it is as simple as that. I can't understand my own emotions, so understanding other people's is out of the question. For me it is true. I score very low on the EQ. She's not saying it's true for all, but it is for some.

 

[Ste11aeres]

For some it is as simple as that. I can't understand my own emotions, so understanding other people's is out of the question. For me it is true. I score very low on the EQ. She's not saying it's true for all, but it is for some.

That's why I said her statement was overly simplistic, instead of saying it was wrong. Overly simplistic, because it was saying that it is true for all, (it didn't use the word "all" but when someone names a group without specifying that they're only talking about some members of that group, it's usually assumed that they're talking about that group as a whole, and that their words refer to all or at least most members of that group) whereas it is true for some, not for all.

 

[Hurting89]

Lack of empathy means lack of ability to pick up on social cues. Which I personally have never had (I am in a minority on the spectrum) but I am an incredibly self serving person. I only feel "sympathy" for someone when they have gone through something similar to my own suffering (be that illness ect) but even still I feel as though I'm only feeling sympathy for myself. I literally broke down the other day having a conversation with a woman about her thyroid surgery due to a mass which was done recently. But I realized I was really only crying for myself as I had gone through a similar surgery two years ago.

 

[Warmheart]

What a complex subject.
Our cognitive empathy (ability to read facial expressions, body language, pick up on social cues) may be challenged, but may not be absent altogether.
Our affective empathy (ability to care about your feelings once we do know what they are) can be phenomenal.

Expressing our care is often something we're highly challenged with.
Add to this that many with ASD have a hyper-awareness of others' strong emotions, and can be overwhelmed by them. A hasty exit during a conflict can be due to overwhelm, not a lack of caring.

Personally, yes, I certainly do have empathy. I am a warm, caring person, however, I am highly challenged in communicating my feelings, including feelings of caring. Plus, my ability to read people and nonverbal signals is impacted by the degree of sensory overwhelm/shutdown I may be experiencing.

Hints and subtlety do not work with me. People need to say directly how they feel to me. Passive aggressiveness goes right over my head, as does any flirting. Every. Single. Time.

With those with ASD, I think people should be direct and unambiguous about their feelings. Please say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Really, it must be remembered that our feelings of love and caring may not get expressed effectively. Those feelings may be trapped inside, and it isn't easy for us to not be able to express our care well.

For me, feeling like this

can make it hard to communicate this

 

[unsurewhattoname]

It appears I lack both. I cannot read people (so lack cognitive), and I have no idea what I'm feeling let alone what others are so I lack affective too. I would never, ever hurt anyone though. I couldn't hurt a fly - I catch them and let them out, same with spiders, moths etc. So what's up with my empathy?

 

[Warmheart]

Unsurewhattoname, some of us have an iffy ability to sense our own emotions. Emotions are normally felt as physical sensations first, then translated/perceived as emotions next. When someone can't always tell what they're feeling physically, they may have issues with iteroception (feeling the body's signals), and may have alexithymia. It's common with ASD.

You probably feel some of your feelings physical & emotional, sometimes. It may be better during times when you are not under stress, when not overwhelmed at school or work. Anything which adds to overwhelm, even chronic pain or ill health, can make us feel more numb.

Streamlining your life to avoid overwhelm can help, though this would entail recognizing what your sensory sensitivities, social energy drains, and physical/emotional sources of chronic overload may be, then finding work-arounds or accommodations when you cannot avoid certain situations.

Your kindness is of great value, and speaks of a compassionate heart.

 

[Judge]

I know in my own case, a lack of cognitive empathy was usually followed by constant ridicule which only enabled my own suspicion that I also lacked affective empathy. Having given the issue considerable thought in my voyage of discovery as being on the spectrum of autism, I've come to the conclusion that I was just being too hard on myself. That I do have empathy, but simply don't project it well enough to always get it across to others.