I really like what you wrote, it was very well thought out and informative
I guess what frustrates me is since people can kind of just be in awe of me about what I can do in certain things, they develop this idea that “Joe is smart”, so if I am not good at normal things, it’s because of things terrible about me or my laziness or whatever else. But people never grasp that because I am smart at one thing, does not mean that I am smart at everything.
I used to be involved in bodybuilding, and most likely because I am just naturally muscular, but what I noticed it is not the ultra skinny weaklings, who are the people who actually should try to become more muscular rarely have the courage to show up at gyms and better themselves, it's the the peop,e who start out as muscular who go to gyms to just become more muscular
Like I walked in the gym at 18 and could immediately bench press 165 lbs. It was pretty fun and helped with my self confidence to turn being a mildly natural freak into a bodybuilding freak. But in a way it just was not healthy, I still had not the slightest clue of how to talk to girls or even how to make friends.
Like I think that that what adult humans do is get so ridiculously good at one thing, so that they can hide behind that thing, or actually address all their weaknesses while still aknowledgimg their strengths to become well formed human adults, but the damn thing about autism spectrum is people might just be so in one direction that all there is in one side with extreme strengths and another side with extreme weaknesses so and turning oneself from a 100 lb weakling to a 130 lb weakling just ain't fun, especially when you are like struggling to bench press135 lbs and freaks who naturally excel are trying to get to bench pressing 415 lbs
But it's also weird, hard core bodybuildesr see this scrawny ass weakling trying to get to bench pressing something they could've always done naturally see this guy showing up every day to become a better version of himself and these muscular bodybuilders become in awe of the guys courage and no one has more cheerleaders than scrawny wimp trying to get up to bench pressing 200 lbs. possibly because these bodybuilders recognize that guy is killing himself to get better at something in which he sucks at takes lot of guts and courage
Or something, I just write what occurs to me a lot of the time
Yes, I can write an essay and learn some things very easily, yet it's been 2 years and a half that I'm trying to get the driving license... I've been called lazy, yet I guarantee I worked. I rely less and less on other people's opinions anymore. They slow me down, and I'm already slow enough in the areas I need to be working on. If I listen to commentaries, not only I'm being slow at doing the actual thing I need to be doing, but I'm also slowed down by figuring out THEIR opinions. Basically, what they think is their problem. I've got enough to deal with. If they think what I do is good, I'm happy; but I try to not loose my goal from sight if they don't. Otherwise, I'm really loosing a lot of time and energy. Both are limited. I need to focus a lot, for example for the driving license, and this implies to put the parazite/disturbing things aside. Otherwise, I really can spend hours thinking about this. Hours. Days. It's a precious time, and that slows me down while I'm already not that good at the thing I'm doing.
I think it's healthy that you do whatever activity makes you happy as long as you make your other areas of life
functional (at least that's what I think at the moment).
I've been very focused for many years on relationships, understanding how they work, what I should do, etc. But it took the time it took. I understood at 16 for irony and humour, and then I was talking ONLY with irony because I enjoyed the concept too much (yes, I did that). I understood at 17 that people actually talk with hands/arms, and I started practicing for a while. At first I looked very odd and uncoordinated. At 18 or 19 (can't remember), it was the sudden realization that people actually look at each other while they talk, there was like an other dynamic going on between them. I first tried to look at people in the eyes inside movies because it was easier. Then I looked at a lot of "real" people in the eyes, and because I didn't understand that it was supposed to mean something, that created some odd situations. Then learning about the main subjects people are interested to talk about or not, etc.
Anyway, all that learning is fine, it was good for me because I didn't want to be isolated, I didn't enjoy it. My family also judged my inabilities quiet negatively. But it's not really fun. It's not the way I like to socialize and communicate, even through I'm doing some stuffs almost automatically after repeating them. But I find it draining and I don't feel natural. In the end, doing so helps me to be functional in relationships - I didn't grow up as an adult able to talk ONLY about her interests [althrough I catch myself doing that] - but having friends this way doesn't really make me happy, because a lot of it is fake. I've got some friends I really enjoy the company (4 people!!!!!), but let's face it : I'll NEVER be anything like a social body builder, I'll always live in loneliness to some extent.
That being said : if you compare my level at social things now to the level I started at, I built a very good muscle. It just won't ever reach the level of people who started with ease in this area. My "social muscle" just doesn't work the same way. In the end, it never needed to work the same way than others. I think just being functional at the level you're interested in is enough. Maybe you're not interested and you never learn more and you have a fulfilling life with bodybuilding alone and you feel well with that. We're freer than what we've been told.
I didn't know about autistic stuffs, but I stopped photography and drawing at around 23 because I realized it was part of "what made me different". I didn't know it's part of being autistic to have such interests, but one day I realized I was doing that while no one else I knew had a passion that was so strong. Nobody in the group was taking pictures of whatever they were finding interesting. They were CHATTING. I wasn't. That day I took the camera and everything I liked, I hid them inside my wardrobe and made them inaccessible for myself because I thought doing those stuffs was making me different, therefore I shouldn't do that. I knew it was part of "the thing that makes me different". I had no idea it was a necessary behaviour.
It's very sad because it was part of my balance.
Bodybuilding might be the same for you.
"Like I walked in the gym at 18 and could immediately bench press 165 lbs. It was pretty fun and helped with my self confidence to turn being a mildly natural freak into a bodybuilding freak. But in a way it just was not healthy, I still had not the slightest clue of how to talk to girls or even how to make friends."
-> I think it's good to be functional in social areas, but I think it's very important to practice what you like and are interested in. It keeps your balance. There's no need to be judgemental about our interests. I think it's about finding a balance between being good at what we like, but taking care about being functional in other areas. I don't believe everyone needs to try to become good at something they struggle in, but being able to function makes things easier.
The thing is also that relationships are totally unstable. They come and go faster than what you can conceptualize. That makes them really challenging, you can't really predict that much, you've got to adapt all the time. It's like opinions about you being lazy or something. One day people will think you're lazy, the next they'll change their minds. You can't rely on that. That's the problem when you associate "working on relationships" + "working on something", you add tons of informations and you're dealing with a huge mess. In the reality, you can't really deal with people's minds. It's unreliable. I treat that as "an information about what THIS PERSON thinks", but I dissociate that totally with what would be an actual fact. Most of the time, I don't talk about it to people, I reply with "the right answer". But I trained myself to get rid of commentaries. They're disturbing, paraziting, and I need focus and energy on the thing I'm working on. I can't work on what they think, it concerns them more than it concerns me. It's a bit antisocial, but it helps me more in getting what I need than hearing I'm lazy and start arguing about it. People made me learn that I'm loosing my time in arguing with them. In the reality, I will worry about the comment quiet a lot, but I train myself to not loose sight of the important stuff, I find it more practical. If they want to communicate kindly, they can.
I never make people wrong because I don't understand them, nor do I make people wrong because they struggle. It just never occurs to me. So now I start from the fact that if people are doing that to me, I'd rather not listen.
I share a lot here because I hope it helps others (but I might also be wrong in what I say!!!). Those stuffs were really painful to me, and a huge part of what was actually slowing me down... People might not know how to help.
I'm sure people with dyslexia have been called lazy and it was "because they don't make enough efforts" etc. Now we understand better about the condition, we know it's not the case and it's not their fault at all. I feel the same. Not everyone can be open minded and understand my functioning, it's easier if I just acknowledge that the other person just doesn't seem to be able to get it without trying to explain and justify why I struggle for some "simple" tasks, but I'm good at "more complicated" ones. I didn't choose.
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