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Hello everyone,
For some reason, I've always had a thing for partners who were more dominant than me. And as a female, that's not something that is being perceived as a positive thing. I think that's because the negative association people have with the word "dominance". It often makes us think of bullies, annoying managers or forceful and abusive partners. However, that's not necessarily what being dominant means. For instance, someone can be a natural leader or have a very strong personality. A person can demand respect just by the way talk and move. I guess "dominance" here just means "natural authority".
I always thought it was Asperger syndrome related. Now that I am an adult who has to make her own choices, I kind of "miss" the secure feeling my parents used to offer me. And I feel I try to compensate that by being drawn to rather dominant personalities. It just feels like an oasis of rest to be around someone who gives direction and takes the lead. It's a form of reliability and safety that I need.
Now, I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me. Don't get me wrong: I am not someone who likes to be commanded or told what to do. I don't have a submissive personality. Actually, it's quite the contrary: I am an assertive person with a clear opinion. In my friend group I am always the loudest voice. But as soon as it comes down to boyfriend material, I need someone who can make things calm and organized in my life and inside my head.
It's because of the fact that I am drawn to these men that I often end up being with someone who is older than me. A person like that is often more mature and has more life experience, which also makes me feel more secure around them. I guess it's a way of projecting parent-like expectations on the shoulders of my partner.
...I wonder if you have the same thing, or or have another interesting story to share. I am not that good at the whole "relationship" thing, and I learn loads from the way other people go about it.
Hello everyone,
For some reason, I've always had a thing for partners who were more dominant than me. And as a female, that's not something that is being perceived as a positive thing. I think that's because the negative association people have with the word "dominance". It often makes us think of bullies, annoying managers or forceful and abusive partners. However, that's not necessarily what being dominant means. For instance, someone can be a natural leader or have a very strong personality. A person can demand respect just by the way talk and move. I guess "dominance" here just means "natural authority".
I always thought it was Asperger syndrome related. Now that I am an adult who has to make her own choices, I kind of "miss" the secure feeling my parents used to offer me. And I feel I try to compensate that by being drawn to rather dominant personalities. It just feels like an oasis of rest to be around someone who gives direction and takes the lead. It's a form of reliability and safety that I need.
Now, I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me. Don't get me wrong: I am not someone who likes to be commanded or told what to do. I don't have a submissive personality. Actually, it's quite the contrary: I am an assertive person with a clear opinion. In my friend group I am always the loudest voice. But as soon as it comes down to boyfriend material, I need someone who can make things calm and organized in my life and inside my head.
It's because of the fact that I am drawn to these men that I often end up being with someone who is older than me. A person like that is often more mature and has more life experience, which also makes me feel more secure around them. I guess it's a way of projecting parent-like expectations on the shoulders of my partner.
...I wonder if you have the same thing, or or have another interesting story to share. I am not that good at the whole "relationship" thing, and I learn loads from the way other people go about it.