Do you like other people with autism

[Matthias]

So you like people with autism/Asperger's but you see them as silly,corny trivial people?

@Matthias ,so you think my post is funny,what's funny??
Ever cross your ignorant mind that a lot of people with autism/Aspergers have a negative attitude cause they have been so hurt by people

Calm down. There is no need to get upset. I've been told I have an odd sense of humor. Perhaps its due to being autistic. I wish people would be more tolerant toward people they don't understand instead of overreacting.

 

[Kevin1968]

Folks, we are on an autistic forum, talking to other autistics. Whether we admit it or not, we do seek out those like us in some way or another, be it online, IRL, or a combination of both.
.

I think there is a huge difference between seeking out other autistics and actually liking them.

I like some of the autistic people here, but I am probably ambivalent about many others. I am fairly certain however that some don't like me.

 

[NB79]

When people are told repeatedly by many people that they are self-absorbed, too sensitive, or think too rigidly they should realize they have a problem and need to change. Expecting people to accept character flaws that harm other people is just wrong and people who think like that are not being realistic. It's comforting to people who are stubborn and lazy because they can keep living in their own world not making any effort to get better.



No one is perfect. The fact that you have friends shows you've made an effort to be a decent person. If you did not make an effort, you'd be suffering the natural consequences of being alone.

Problem is, when autistics often get called lazy when in reality they just can't get around to change much, autism is a 'spectrum' they say, and some have it more hard than others.

 

[Matthias]

Problem is, when autistics often get called lazy when in reality they just can't get around to change much, autism is a 'spectrum' they say, and some have it more hard than others.

Why can't they change? How hard is it for people who are told many times that they are misunderstanding people because they're not thinking rationally to read a book about CBT or emotional intelligence to learn how to think correctly, control their emotions, and understand people better?

 

[NB79]

Why can't they change? How hard is it for people who are told many times that they are misunderstanding people because they're not thinking rationally to read a book about CBT or emotional intelligence to learn how to think correctly, control their emotions, and understand people better?

Just my humble opinion, often times autism comes with other 'gifts ', that makes them unable to do much stuff, even when they want to progress there is invisible obstacles, on top of that, you have that relationship have hurt them in life, so its not that easy. I am not saying people should just give up, and start lamenting everything, but its not that easy.

 

[Kevin1968]

Why can't they change? How hard is it for people who are told many times that they are misunderstanding people because they're not thinking rationally to read a book about CBT or emotional intelligence to learn how to think correctly, control their emotions, and understand people better?

A very "ableist" sounding comment. How hard is it? Very hard, perhaps impossible (for some).

If a deaf person reads a book on music theory would they be able to hear better?
If I was colour blind I learn that blue and green aren't the same colour, but I still may not be able to distinguish them, and even when pointed out I still won't be able to see the difference the same way as others do. A phone app might help, but I still won't be able to do it as fluently as others can.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

People, calm down.

Sheesh.

 

[Matthias]

A very "ableist" sounding comment. How hard is it? Very hard, perhaps impossible (for some).

If a deaf person reads a book on music theory would they be able to hear better?
If I was colour blind I learn that blue and green aren't the same colour, but I still may not be able to distinguish them, and even when pointed out I still won't be able to see the difference the same way as others do. A phone app might help, but I still won't be able to do it as fluently as others can.

There's only around 10 common cognitive distortions. It only took me one day to learn them and change my distorted beliefs which practically eliminated my social anxiety and also made it easier to understand other people. I say this not to judge anyone but in the hope that it will motivate someone to make an effort to get better so they can reduce their stress and start enjoying their life. I suffered needlessly for years and annoyed everyone around me because I was too stubborn to listen to their advice.

 

[NB79]

There's only around 10 common cognitive distortions. It only took me one day to learn them and change my distorted beliefs which practically eliminated my social anxiety and also made it easier to understand other people. I say this not to judge anyone but in the hope that it will motivate someone to make an effort to get better so they can reduce their stress and start enjoying their life. I suffered needlessly for years and annoyed everyone around me because I was too stubborn to listen to their advice.

You have some sort of sources for that?, i would like to investigate, some document? or link to some resource?

 

[Progster]

I've only ever met briefly 2-3 people who I have known to be on the spectrum in real life, but I had exactly the same problems with them as I do with non-autistics - not having anything in common, not knowing what to say to keep the conversation going, feeling awkward, etc. I once met two others, who were nice enough as people, but talked to each other about a shared interest they had so I was left out of the conversation and had nothing to contribute, so I switched off after a while, got bored and withdrew into my own thoughts. The exact same thing happens whenever I spend time with non-autistics - it just doesn't work for me.

My brother is probably on the spectrum and with him I have to avoid certain topics of conversation because we are polar opposites as far as certain political and ethical matters are concerned. I feel tense and defensive around him and so don't talk to him a lot.

 

[NB79]

I've only ever met briefly 2-3 people who I have known to be on the spectrum in real life, but I had exactly the same problems with them as I do with non-autistics - not having anything in common, not knowing what to say to keep the conversation going, feeling awkward, etc. I once met two others, who were nice enough as people, but talked to each other about a shared interest they had so I was left out of the conversation and had nothing to contribute, so I switched off after a while, got bored and withdrew into my own thoughts. The exact same thing happens whenever I spend time with non-autistics - it just doesn't work for me.

My brother is probably on the spectrum and with him I have to avoid certain topics of conversation because we are polar opposites as far as certain political and ethical matters are concerned. I feel tense and defensive around him and so don't talk to him a lot.

i can relate to your experience.

 

[Matthias]

You have some sort of sources for that?, i would like to investigate, some document? or link to some resource?

10 Cognitive Distortions You'll Learn About in Therapy
Cognitive Distortions: 10 Examples of Distorted Thinking

 

[NB79]

10 Cognitive Distortions You'll Learn About in Therapy
Cognitive Distortions: 10 Examples of Distorted Thinking

i see, some of those i recongize maybe and can help, but i don't see how fixing those are going to help me socialize more.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

So you like people with autism/Asperger's but you see them as silly,corny trivial people?

No. I'm talking about those wonderful friendships where you meet someone as socially awkward as you are. Maybe they wear funny buttons on their jacket, and that's okay, because you never learned to match your clothes.

Maybe they love Dr. Who, and you are obsessed with Star Trek. Maybe you share a mutual love of studying beetles. Or you're both obsessed with The Beatles.

Both of you have a tendency to get really loud and giggly, and maybe a little stuttery when something excites you. And though all the rest of the people around you are staring, you don't notice, because you're having so much fun together.

What ever it is, it's like this magic happens, like you both were meant to meet. It's such a special thing, because most of the world doesn't understand, but this person, or group of people do.

 

[justin_havu]

Generally, not really, but when I'm anxious, I don't like being around people in general. When I'm around certain other people with ASD, my anxiety usually goes through the roof, and I think the main trigger might be the way the other person's voice sounds: Timbre, word enunciation, repetitive phrases, stuttering, etc.

 

[Autisticool]

I was diagnosed a few months ago and since then have made efforts to surround myself with fellow autists. Because it's a late life diagnosis there's a huge imbalance in number of NTs and number of autists I've been around, so it'll be maybe a LONG time before I can choose a preference, if at all. But thus far, I've been around several autists who I DO NOT LIKE, and yesterday at an autistic meeting I had IMMEDIATE negative vibes with a woman there I'd never seen before, the same kind of negative vibes I've gotten instantly from some NT women. I'm just not good at liking or taking to people, have no friends, never had any close friends or those I was emotionally attached to. I can only be emotionally attached to my parents, and a sister when I was a child. I've never been emotionally attached to anyone outside the immediate family, but even then, I can still say at this point that it seems that as time goes on, I will find it just as hard to like or be comfortable around autists as NTs. The only difference is that autists would be more tolerant of weird behavior like stimming, but that doesn't mean I'd like them more or feel more comfortable. If Jane doesn't mind me rocking next to her, I can STILL get negative vibes from her nonetheless.

I've met some NTs who were GREAT conversationalists, but have yet to meet an autie who's in this category. But then again, I was diagnosed only a few months ago and maybe need more time. PS: Moderator, I'm struggling here with ads blocking the content.

 

[Sweet potato]

I've always found NDs easier to talk to I tend to mask less and relax more and conversation just flows. There are some NTs that have this affect on me but not many. Letting other people info dump on me and dominate the conversation makes it easier if I'm struggling to find things to say. I love hearing people talk passionately about their special interests even if it's not my thing. I work with SEN children and I often find the children's behaviour and communication less confusing than the staff. The only exception I seem to find (no affence this is a huge generalisation) is middle aged men who's ASD is obvious to everyone around them but they have no idea their experience is any different to anyone else's. I often find these people have become stuck in their ways, defensive and stubborn and have no awareness of how their actions are affecting others around them and often result to gaslighting people or getting into conflict rather than admitting they may have done wrong.

 

[madisen622]

i do! i recently found out a friend of mine got an autism diagnosis. i sat down with him and talked for a few hours straight about how his diagnosis went, in doing so i found out how similar we were. i feel like we both understand each other, he's the first person who hasn't made me feel alone.

 

[GypsyMoth]

So do you not like being around/friends with other autistics?

So, the thread's title is, "Do you like other people with autism," but the OP is framed by a negative question that asks the opposite. (Very confusing!) I'll take it as a positive plug.

I think I prefer just people in general, the whole category of people, of what it is to be a person, never mind any sub-distinctions that might break us apart and carry us away from each other, or instigate us to turn on one another. Both my mother and my brother are disabled. I was the kid her so-called friends would dump on. She looked normal--why didn't she act normal? (No, not autism so far as I know, something else.) Life would be so much easier if we just took people for who they were -- but that thought alone grates against the cultural grain.

I have a family member in special ed. Not, 'in', as in being a student, but as in being the instructor. We always ask how his day went and he just delights in telling us the funny, the absurd, the whimsical, the sad. He likes the children he works with and it shows--he just takes them as they are. An uncle of mine is definitely on the spectrum. He frustrates me to no end. The frustration, though, has to do with his choices and not with his autism. What scares me about him, though, does come from his autism: he is prone to outbursts of rage. While not his target, I do try to avoid him. On the other hand, I have a good friend who has autism. I enjoy being around her very much (she even laughs at my jokes!)

Most of the people I know, however, are not on the spectrum. (And I know a lot of people.) There is one thing I can tell you about them that is universal to everyone, NT's and ND's alike: they all have problems. Oh, some hide their problems better than others; some worse. Some deal with them and try to overcome their problems. I just take them as they are. Some tell me their problems, and we try to solve them or, at least, try to make the problem a little more manageable for the day. No, I'm not a counselor; you don't need a degree to be a friend and give an ear to those who need someone to be there for them. I think the world could be a better place if we just accepted people as they were and gave them our time and a friendly ear once in a while. It might not 'cure' anything, but in doing so, we might find we like people a bit better.

 

[Aspychata]

I like those like me. My best jobs are bosses on the spectrum. We just got along great. It's just unspoken, they know l am there.