Do you really believe people want to help others with a disability?

[Dillon]

i truly believe that there are quite a few people who want to help other autistics and disabled people but on the other hand I don’t see it that way from experience.

Lets start from the fact I have received no kind of help what so ever from elementary through high school mainly on social cues and independence. Sure I was under accommodations such as 504 which was suppose to give me equal access through the schools curriculum but the schools did not want to follow through in giving me any personal help but instead accommodated me with standardized testing since of course that’s what we are worried these days. I got put in a smaller class room when we had a benchmark or standardized test with less than 12 people with extra time. My elementary school told my mom how my Asperger symptoms went away that I was “cured” and there was no need for accommodations but after that happened I started stuttering so I got my accommodations back. I had very few teachers who really helped me out and I still keep in touch with many years later.

You think starting my first year at community college would be different of course not. It was nothing more than testing accommodations except for however long my class is I get double the time for my exam so that was ok, I mainly used the testing accommodations for anything math related and still use those accomodations today. My advisor though in the disability office treated me like a four year old which I never appreciate and pretended to care what I had to say. I never liked how when I go into the office for testing I’ll be put in a little cramped closet sized room with no windows just a desk, shelf and a computer.

Now onto the current campus I’m on. It’s the exact same process just like community college with yet another rude advisor/student development specialist. I thought she seemed nice and I could talk to her when I needed to. When I was having a meltdown within my first few weeks of school I went to her and told her hey I feel homesick since it was my first time being away from home for such a long period and wondering if there were any social groups since I didn’t make any friends the first few weeks. Her response was “you just need to suck it up you’re being desperate” that upset me more than anything else. I don’t talk to her nor will I ever again since she gives me filthy looks anytime I walk by her. I’ve been talking to two counselors in the same office who have truly helped me out. The testing the have is a lot bigger with cubicles which makes me more comfortable to work in. Despite that, the professors I had have been great as far as accomodations go.

I don’t know how it was in your area or country growing up and even now? I had to learn coping skills on my own which is better than it used to be when I was as younger.

 

[SusanLR]

I think people in general want to help. A lot of them anyway.
But in settings like school or work, no.
They are mostly just complying by the current rules for help telling them what to do
with no real caring. It's just a part of the job.
Time and financial issues probably contribute to the no care also.

There was nothing thought about an HFA when I was in school and any type of special help was
saved for the LFA.
I wouldn't make a blanket statement that all who has positions to help in this situation don't care,
because there are people who care personally. If one who does care has a position in this area
then you have an added bonus.

 

[Progster]

I wasn't diagnosed until I was a lot older, so I didn't have any accommodations growing up or at uni. I also had to find coping mechanisms on my own. I had autistic traits when I was a child, but the GP didn't take my parent's concerns seriously, because only very severe, non-verbal cases were diagnosed at the time, but as I had no speech delay, I had no diagnosis.

Some people want to care, others just want to be seen to care for public image. But what I find is that people really don't understand many ASD-related issues and don't, or can't empathise, because they don't experience them themselves and so don't take them seriously. Also, people are always so busy with other things, and if you don't nag at them, they just don't get things done. You really have to persist and fight for things, or you don't get them.

 

[pjcnet]

Regarding autism. You get a minority of people who truly want to help and in the case of autism they will try their best to understand the condition. The majority of people will ignore autism however unless they're forced to deal with it, they may be open to understanding it if the situation arises, but most won't understand the condition that well and could get it wrong. Finally you get a minority of people who don't want to understand, some will just ignore autism or worse will be negative towards it, at worst a few could even bully or take advantage of autistic people if they get the opportunity which makes some of us vulnerable.

Okay how open and knowledgeable are most of us here towards people who suffer from Angelman Syndrome? What's Angelman Syndrome I hear some of you say and I suspect the answer is not many? Most of us are likely to ignore the condition unless we are forced to deal with it, but similarly to how autism charities want to spread autism awareness, there's a charity that's trying to spread awareness of Angelman Syndrome so people who suffer from that condition are treated better in society too. Parents with children who have the condition will obviously see Angelman Syndrome as extremely important while they may know very little about autism which won't be that important to them, that said some people with Angelman Syndrome are at first misdiagnosed as having autism which is detrimental towards helping that person because there's major differences and it's a completely different condition. My point is this, before we criticise the majority of people who ignore autism unless they're forced to deal with it and often aren't that knowledgeable, lets look at conditions like Angelman Syndrome or other conditions that we don't have and think about how much we care and understand these conditions. Many of us see autism as extremely important simply because we have it or because someone close to us has the condition, but an NT who has another condition will see that condition as the most important and they will want people to be more considerate and understanding towards that condition instead.

Not everyone can be knowledgeable towards every condition out there, but if we come across a condition or illness we all should do our very best to learn and if appropriate be as considerate and helpful as possible towards anyone with that particular condition.

For more about Angelman Syndrome please see https://www.angelmanuk.org/ and watch the Youtube video on the front page.


Edit:

Regarding people in employment. Some people enjoy their job and will be helpful towards those with disabilities or conditions like autism through choice and they'd do the same even in their own time, but some will only do what they have to do in order to get paid, in other words they don't truly care, but often pretend to care because they're being paid to, it can be a mixed bag.

There's also other situations where people maybe worried about helping someone disabled in case they don't want help, some disabled people want to be independent, they don't want to stand out and if someone offers them help it can sometimes be unwelcome. This is often the case when I see someone in a wheelchair who is for instance struggling up a hill or to open a door, do you offer to help them or do you let them do it themselves? It's a difficult one sometimes, if I offer them help they could be grateful or they could be quietly upset that I think they're not capable of independence or worse that I'm feeling sorry for them when they rarely want pitty. This can be the case with many disabilities, even non physical ones or conditions (autism isn't necessary a disability).

 

[Gritches]

Nah, I don't think anyone does it for purely selfless reasons. Everyone's got their reasons, the difference is whether it's for tangible gain or intangible gain. An example of intangible gain is getting warm fuzzies. Those people who treated you like you were 4 would've gotten their warm fuzzies if you had acted like the my-little-retard they were expecting. Since you didn't, they had nothing left to gain from you.

People don't usually get into something like disability services for tangible gain. Not because there isn't tangible gain, but people expect a paycheck for doing a job, which is fine. It's just that people go into career fields with expectations, and when those expectations aren't met they experience cognitive dissonance; mental pain associated with reality being different from expectations. You ever notice how lots of teachers seem to hate kids? That's the principal in action. They think they're going to be some molder of young minds when in reality they're glorified babysitters that make less money than actual babysitters.

Point is, everyone has a self-centered and self-serving reason for doing anything. People wouldn't bother to take a crap if it weren't for the relief it provided. It's a complete fallacy straight out of Disney's ass that anyone would do something purely for the benefit of others. That may be the superficial reason, the reason they tell other people, but if there's one thing you can count on humans for it's greed, and not just greed for all that glimmers.

 

[Mr Allen]

Nobody wants to help the disabled.

Too many butthurt Daily Fail readers who think disabled people are a drain on their taxes etc.

 

[Tom]

I think it is one of those things where many can't be bothered, and of those that say they are concerned only a minority actually walk the talk.

 

[Robin Winter]

I think there are those who want to help but to them that means little more than sharing or retweeting random memes and articles until the next "tragedy" catches their fancy, and I think there are those who genuinely want to help but their definition of help is not the same as ours because they view people with disabilities as less than and their "help" is aimed at the people who are "burdened", not the actual people who have the disability, and I believe there are people who genuinely want to help in the right way, but have no idea how to actually do it. What I question is whether or not there is anyone actually helping who doesn't have direct experience.

 

[Alis1998]

To be honest I dont think profesionals do it for the people do it themself. I do believe that others want to help in other ways.
For example parents of other austic people always look out for me if im home alone for example. But also my fysio therapist also give me sometimes some extra back musclemassages. Wich is caused by stress wich revolvew me in having more "dots" in my muscles. She didnt charge me for it, because she wanted to help me when I was in college, extremly stressed.
Besides that, my boss right now helps me quite alot. She always is open minded about me doing it the way that is the most clear to me. I also call that helping. Then I have to think about college, especially one teacher in general. It was my last year and I (kinda weird to say) came out to my teacher, and then my students. She helped me get my essays back, helped me even arrange a friendly, lovely place where I could do my exam without stress. Wich means alot to me, because I have a huge fear of exams. Once I fainted out of stress 2 minutes before the exam took place, wich isnt really a good thing if it is a praticial exam. She actually said to me that year : You will finish college, no matter how much tough love I need to give you. And that helped me alot actually. Besides that ofcourse my mother helped me and my stepdad but that was pretty natrual.
Besides that, my boyfriend helps me alot. But all these people were close and personal with me. with those people I cried and laughed.

 

[SunnyDay16]

i truly believe that there are quite a few people who want to help other autistics and disabled people but on the other hand I don’t see it that way from experience.

Lets start from the fact I have received no kind of help what so ever from elementary through high school mainly on social cues and independence. Sure I was under accommodations such as 504 which was suppose to give me equal access through the schools curriculum but the schools did not want to follow through in giving me any personal help but instead accommodated me with standardized testing since of course that’s what we are worried these days. I got put in a smaller class room when we had a benchmark or standardized test with less than 12 people with extra time. My elementary school told my mom how my Asperger symptoms went away that I was “cured” and there was no need for accommodations but after that happened I started stuttering so I got my accommodations back. I had very few teachers who really helped me out and I still keep in touch with many years later.

You think starting my first year at community college would be different of course not. It was nothing more than testing accommodations except for however long my class is I get double the time for my exam so that was ok, I mainly used the testing accommodations for anything math related and still use those accomodations today. My advisor though in the disability office treated me like a four year old which I never appreciate and pretended to care what I had to say. I never liked how when I go into the office for testing I’ll be put in a little cramped closet sized room with no windows just a desk, shelf and a computer.

Now onto the current campus I’m on. It’s the exact same process just like community college with yet another rude advisor/student development specialist. I thought she seemed nice and I could talk to her when I needed to. When I was having a meltdown within my first few weeks of school I went to her and told her hey I feel homesick since it was my first time being away from home for such a long period and wondering if there were any social groups since I didn’t make any friends the first few weeks. Her response was “you just need to suck it up you’re being desperate” that upset me more than anything else. I don’t talk to her nor will I ever again since she gives me filthy looks anytime I walk by her. I’ve been talking to two counselors in the same office who have truly helped me out. The testing the have is a lot bigger with cubicles which makes me more comfortable to work in. Despite that, the professors I had have been great as far as accomodations go.

I don’t know how it was in your area or country growing up and even now? I had to learn coping skills on my own which is better than it used to be when I was as younger.

That advisor seems like a real piece of work.

And to answer your question, there are plenty of people who want to help those with disabilities, but the reasons can be questionable. Very few people help others soley out of the goodness of their hearts. In other words, they are getting something out of it. Many of us do it because it also makes us feel good about ourselves or fulfilled. Who doesn't want to feel like they are making a difference in the world? Others help because it distracts them from their own problems.

 

[Sloth]

I do agree that some professionals/people probably only help as a formality or to make themselves feel good about having made a basic attempt to help, but like you said there is also plenty of truly compassionate people out there. I'd like to add that for a lot of people, a disability like autism that can be not super obvious physically might not evoke the same feelings as a more physical disability. They might still have the mistaken notion that mental health issues are just people being lazy or not strong enough .

My universities have had expansive disability services departments and professors have been pretty accommodating, but then again they were super big public universities, so I don't know how typical that might be elsewhere.

 

[SunnyDay16]

Nobody wants to help the disabled.

Too many butthurt Daily Fail readers who think disabled people are a drain on their taxes etc.

That's a shame. If only those damn disabled people could just get off their lazy butts and contribute to society! /s

Even though most of us are already trying to do that, but we just struggle doing it.

 

[Dillon]

Regarding autism. You get a minority of people who truly want to help and in the case of autism they will try their best to understand the condition. The majority of people will ignore autism however unless they're forced to deal with it, they may be open to understanding it if the situation arises, but most won't understand the condition that well and could get it wrong. Finally you get a minority of people who don't want to understand, some will just ignore autism or worse will be negative towards it, at worst a few could even bully or take advantage of autistic people if they get the opportunity which makes some of us vulnerable.

Okay how open and knowledgeable are most of us here towards people who suffer from Angelman Syndrome? What's Angelman Syndrome I hear some of you say and I suspect the answer is not many? Most of us are likely to ignore the condition unless we are forced to deal with it, but similarly to how autism charities want to spread autism awareness, there's a charity that's trying to spread awareness of Angelman Syndrome so people who suffer from that condition are treated better in society too. Parents with children who have the condition will obviously see Angelman Syndrome as extremely important while they may know very little about autism which won't be that important to them, that said some people with Angelman Syndrome are at first misdiagnosed as having autism which is detrimental towards helping that person because there's major differences and it's a completely different condition. My point is this, before we criticise the majority of people who ignore autism unless they're forced to deal with it and often aren't that knowledgeable, lets look at conditions like Angelman Syndrome or other conditions that we don't have and think about how much we care and understand these conditions. Many of us see autism as extremely important simply because we have it or because someone close to us has the condition, but an NT who has another condition will see that condition as the most important and they will want people to be more considerate and understanding towards that condition instead.

Not everyone can be knowledgeable towards every condition out there, but if we come across a condition or illness we all should do our very best to learn and if appropriate be as considerate and helpful as possible towards anyone with that particular condition.

For more about Angelman Syndrome please see https://www.angelmanuk.org/ and watch the Youtube video on the front page.


Edit:

Regarding people in employment. Some people enjoy their job and will be helpful towards those with disabilities or conditions like autism through choice and they'd do the same even in their own time, but some will only do what they have to do in order to get paid, in other words they don't truly care, but often pretend to care because they're being paid to, it can be a mixed bag.

There's also other situations where people maybe worried about helping someone disabled in case they don't want help, some disabled people want to be independent, they don't want to stand out and if someone offers them help it can sometimes be unwelcome. This is often the case when I see someone in a wheelchair who is for instance struggling up a hill or to open a door, do you offer to help them or do you let them do it themselves? It's a difficult one sometimes, if I offer them help they could be grateful or they could be quietly upset that I think they're not capable of independence or worse that I'm feeling sorry for them when they rarely want pitty. This can be the case with many disabilities, even non physical ones or conditions (autism isn't necessary a disability).

I have heard of angelman syndrome but never knew what the characteristics were until reading articles about it. Regardless if I didn’t know somewhat about a disability a person may have I would not choose to be rude and self absorbed about it and that’s what many people lack is being respectful and actually care about something.

 

[Cactus]

Nah, I don't think anyone does it for purely selfless reasons. Everyone's got their reasons, the difference is whether it's for tangible gain or intangible gain. An example of intangible gain is getting warm fuzzies. Those people who treated you like you were 4 would've gotten their warm fuzzies if you had acted like the my-little-retard they were expecting. Since you didn't, they had nothing left to gain from you.

People don't usually get into something like disability services for tangible gain. Not because there isn't tangible gain, but people expect a paycheck for doing a job, which is fine. It's just that people go into career fields with expectations, and when those expectations aren't met they experience cognitive dissonance; mental pain associated with reality being different from expectations. You ever notice how lots of teachers seem to hate kids? That's the principal in action. They think they're going to be some molder of young minds when in reality they're glorified babysitters that make less money than actual babysitters.

Point is, everyone has a self-centered and self-serving reason for doing anything. People wouldn't bother to take a crap if it weren't for the relief it provided. It's a complete fallacy straight out of Disney's ass that anyone would do something purely for the benefit of others. That may be the superficial reason, the reason they tell other people, but if there's one thing you can count on humans for it's greed, and not just greed for all that glimmers.

I was first introduced to this concept in my Psych 101 class with a chapter titled, "Is There True Altruism?" The information was new, and it made me consider if pure altruism exists. There is not a definitive answer. Selfishness, and greed are instinctive because it allows animals to obtain what is needed, or wanted. Altruism has no survival benefit. Those that exhibited the trait wound not have survived to reproduce. As "civilized" people, we try not to be selfish, and greedy, but it's unnatural. It is rather astonishing that so many of us resist those instinctive behaviors.

This is my world view. I respect those with other beliefs.

 

[Nervous Rex]

There is a very large "helpful" spectrum.

Some people want to help and make it their crusade.
Some people want to help but are prevented by paperwork and policies (I see a lot of teachers in this situation).
Some people want to help and can't, because of lack of time, money, understanding, etc.
Some people find ways to help those who actually do the help.
Some people think "raising awareness", sending thoughts and prayers, etc., is enough help.
Some people think it's good in theory, but can't be bothered.
Some people don't understand and don't care.

I've probably left out thousands of other situations.

 

[Dillon]

What I question is whether or not there is anyone actually helping who doesn't have direct experience.

I question that to like for example some of the childrens hospitals even ones for adults claim that are “professionally trained” in dealing with autistic people which i know is a lie. I never say anything about my diagnosis when I go and see a new doctor.


I do not believe many doctors/nurses know how or even care about severely disabled people, I find children’s hospitals to be the worse when dealing with autistics.
My special needs brother who is much more severe can’t communicate sometimes (although he’s been saying more complete sentences lately)has not been treated right in the last. The “professionals” wanted to claim that they know everything about autism and support it. Sometimes when he would go in for an appointment they are always rough with him like holding down his arm while having his blood pressure, but there was no need when he’s calm, has his feet shoved against the wall by a nurse to get his height and telling him they are going to draw blood when they have been specifically told by my mom not to or else he panics. There was a doctor who told him “he needed to get his big boy pants on and deal with it” cause he was getting blood drawn. He had an MRI scan done when he was 15 years old for something I cannot remember. The nurses were walking around the rooms handing every patient on the floor some Cool stuff which I don’t remember I think a stuffed animal but anyway they walked by him and never gave him anything but everyone else got stuff,

To me there’s just some or at least more inequality that goes on that we have the need to judge and be biased against one another.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I question that to like for example some of the childrens hospitals even ones for adults claim that are “professionally trained” in dealing with autistic people which i know is a lie. I never say anything about my diagnosis when I go and see a new doctor.


I do not believe many doctors/nurses know how or even care about severely disabled people, I find children’s hospitals to be the worse when dealing with autistics.
My special needs brother who is much more severe can’t communicate sometimes (although he’s been saying more complete sentences lately)has not been treated right in the last. The “professionals” wanted to claim that they know everything about autism and support it. Sometimes when he would go in for an appointment they are always rough with him like holding down his arm while having his blood pressure, but there was no need when he’s calm, has his feet shoved against the wall by a nurse to get his height and telling him they are going to draw blood when they have been specifically told by my mom not to or else he panics. There was a doctor who told him “he needed to get his big boy pants on and deal with it” cause he was getting blood drawn. He had an MRI scan done when he was 15 years old for something I cannot remember. The nurses were walking around the rooms handing every patient on the floor some Cool stuff which I don’t remember I think a stuffed animal but anyway they walked by him and never gave him anything but everyone else got stuff,

To me there’s just some or at least more inequality that goes on that we have the need to judge and be biased against one another.

Many doctors and nurses just aren't good at dealing with people in general, especially people who require more understanding and patience. I'm sorry that your brother has been manhandled like that. That's not okay for him to be treated that way.

And, this might be offensive to some, but the professionals who talk about how much they know about autism are the ones who I would be wary of. If you know autism and are compassionate about it, you shouldn't feel the need to tell others you are. It should come out through your actions and your words towards those who deal with it. If you don't have it yourself, you shouldn't become arrogant about it like you know everything about it, because in reality unless you have it you aren't going to understand fully what it's like.

There are professionals I've dealt with who I wouldn't think would be accommodating, but were very accommodating and treated me with respect. On the flipside, there were seemingly accommodating professionals who were patronizing jerks to me.

 

[SusanLR]

Nobody wants to help the disabled.

Too many butthurt Daily Fail readers who think disabled people are a drain on their taxes etc

I've had this encounter personally and it is very insulting.
My PT therapist ask me out for lunch with her after our session and I accepted.
I offered to pay for my lunch, but, she insisted no, she asked me and she wanted to pay.
During the meal, I mentioned a promotional program that an on-line company was offering for those
on public assistance (medicaid), and she hit the roof.
Went on about how that discount I had received she paid for it because it was done through tax payer's money.
Not true. It was an attempt to get more lower income customers to buy from them.
Advertising scheme.

She went on to tell me it was also her money that paid for the medicaid.
True. But, taxes go for many things,not just medicaid.
She said she worked hard for her money and if I worked maybe I would understand how she felt.
The disabled needs the basic things only to survive. She said.

I was feeling quite angry and insulted by this time and said then they should put up a tent city on the parking lot, give us a case of water and beans and rice. That should do to survive!
I also told her I had worked most of my life and paid taxes and how I felt when I did that.
That's just how our society works and I thought nothing about my tax dollar helping the disabled.
Where do you want it to go? To the already rich so they can get richer?

She said yes. People like our hard working doctors who are getting to where they can't stay in practice do to medicaid. It became a ridiculous arguement.

 

[Mr Allen]

I've had this encounter personally and it is very insulting.
My PT therapist ask me out for lunch with her after our session and I accepted.
I offered to pay for my lunch, but, she insisted no, she asked me and she wanted to pay.
During the meal, I mentioned a promotional program that an on-line company was offering for those
on public assistance (medicaid), and she hit the roof.
Went on about how that discount I had received she paid for it because it was done through tax payer's money.
Not true. It was an attempt to get more lower income customers to buy from them.
Advertising scheme.

She went on to tell me it was also her money that paid for the medicaid.
True. But, taxes go for many things,not just medicaid.
She said she worked hard for her money and if I worked maybe I would understand how she felt.
The disabled needs the basic things only to survive. She said.

I was feeling quite angry and insulted by this time and said then they should put up a tent city on the parking lot, give us a case of water and beans and rice. That should do to survive!
I also told her I had worked most of my life and paid taxes and how I felt when I did that.
That's just how our society works and I thought nothing about my tax dollar helping the disabled.
Where do you want it to go? To the already rich so they can get richer?

She said yes. People like our hard working doctors who are getting to where they can't stay in practice do to medicaid. It became a ridiculous arguement.

This person is clearly an idiot IMHO.

And have you tried getting a job in anything other than the voluntary sector as a disabled adult? I've been trying for years and every time I declare my disability my application gets binned.

Oh yeah they all say "We are an equal opportunities employer", but that's because they legally have to, they do NOT mean it.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Most persons do not care and will come up with some excuse to not help, to look the other way, to not inquire more, or to deny the existence of an issue that needs help with, as it requires often either a very empathetic, analytical, open minded, patient, and selfless person, and as most persons may only care about themselves and/or their familes and loved ones. Those who see some other benefit for themselves besides feeling good in helping others in need, they may help as well.

In order to be helped though it is often imperative to directly ask for the specific help, as most persons do not look deeper to look for needs in others, nor want to waste the efforts there in trying to assist unless they know the recipient is receptive to that. Or many others will assume everything is ok, if on the surface things look ok. But, even if you directly ask for help, I agree most still may see it as a request that is bothering them, or they may not know what to do, nor will most research things, make additional contacts or show much effort outside of their usual protocol or ways.

Also, please understand many persons that are disabled or with conditions may not be receptive to help, or they will only want to be helped on their terms which is not the ways that helper can help. Truth is it is not just an NT issue of not helping the disabled. Even the disabled and those with conditions often do not want to help each other, for the same reasons I mentioned, and as their conditions may make that harder to do so. Yes they may support each other, or relay similar experiences, but they often will not make other efforts, to even those who make specific requests.

That is the "me" or "i" generation we are in. Make excuses, and put in as little efforts as possible for others outside of them or their family. "What do I get out of this by helping" attitude, or "let someone else help that person who made the request as I rather do my usual thing." Yes, there are others with conditions, but often that is an excuse not to help too, as if they cannot help others, then they should understand others have their reasons, too, for not helping them. I have posted here to help others in some way, as I learn too by being here, realizing some though do not want help, and that is fine, but the two times I asked for specific help in forums, only one person tried to help in that reasonable request I made, even if it could have helped support others with Autism or another with Autism by doing so, or helped them gain valuable information or some good feeling to help one with need. Disappointment is the feeling I have for that. Not sadness, or anger. I have since learned if I want something, do it myself. I trust and have faith in my abilities the best.

Whether one is an NT, ND, one with a condition, a professional, lay person, or not, very few of any of these persons will go outside of their comfort zones to really want to make a difference in another's lives, even if it meant them learning more about themselves or making someone happier too. Sorry if that may offend others, but that is the truth from all my numerous experiences with NTs, NDs, those with disabilities, and so forth. Maybe if lots of these persons could try putting themselves in other shoes, if the ability, there would be more natural helpers in this world.