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Do you Really Have Friends???

I've been a 'loner' most of my life.
I was eager to start friendships, but most people I hung out with would start bullying me, so that didn't work. :P
I got really depressed because I wanted friends, but I needed the right people to be with.

Then I came across a few people, who were in a similar situation to me.
So they wound up becoming my best friends.

That really brightened up my life. :D
 
Aside from family (though admitidly, I do care about them an awful lot, but theres no "closeness" aside from one of my siblings.. however we don't see each other much anymore)
Couple friends when I was younger, although not awfully close.. we pretty much grew apart, none now
No aquaintences
 
You can have both the personality disorder and Aspergers, they're not mutually exclusive. Aspergers tends to be the underlying factor that drives a lot of comorbid mental health conditions from environmental issues. Personality disorders in particular are developed from environmental factors more so than biological ones. They start as temporary ways of adapting and grow in to a full blown identity and way of adapting to everything in general.

I mostly have internet friends, and not very many either. I have 21 FB friends, which actually is a lot for me, and only three I actually chat with regularly on a one on one basis, one being my mom. Real life friends come and go very easily and quickly. Most people find it hard to really forge a real life friendship with me because I tend to be pretty quiet, private, and detached. It's not like I don't try but a lot gets in the way. My kids along with my busy lifestyle, my absolute dislike of most common social activities, my oddball interests and lack of interest in chit chat/inability to make small talk, etc.
 
I feel the same as well ThatSkyWing, I am now taking on the steps to create the opportunity for that to happen now.
 
I have friends, but have difficulty carrying these friendships out day-to-day and maintaining them. Also, I have a LOT of paranoid feelings and tendencies, which makes it rare for me to believe in friendship or invest in same. Also leaves me not knowing where I stand or what's real and true. Gets to you after a few decades. But, still, I have friends and I am amazed at those who have stuck my me and are still loyal.

Interestingly, most of my friends are unlike me in that, they are confident, succesful sociable popular and seem to generally have their crap together. I think this is probably because I seek that which I lack, in friendships. I seem to be aspiring to a sort of (probably mythical) ideal that I know I constantly compare myself to. Not so smart, as they are usually people I don't fit in with, have a hard time accepting and dealing with me, which creates a cycle of comparing myself to them, rejection, self-loathing, depression, etc. etc. Maybe I need to just accept who I am and my limitations, (which I just HATE), and get on with my life. Maybe I'm ready to make a different sort of friends.

Man, sometimes typing my thoughts into this place is like free therapy...
 
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I have friends yes, but only a very few good friends who I would like to hang out with for an extended period and who I share very personal things with. I share very personal things with internet friends, because I guess the nature of the internet makes me more relaxed and it's easier for people to open up to almost complete strangers that they have had a few conversations with.

I never really had actual friends until I was about 13 and I met three girls and one guy at school who were willing to look past the weirdness and everything wrong about me and see the person inside. They helped me learn how to not be so different. This was back in the day before anybody knew about AS and nobody was very concerned with including odd kids. You either fit in or you were out back then, much worse than it is now because nobody was even paying lip service to the idea. Also, because nobody knew I had anything actually wrong with me, nobody felt they should be nice to me even though I was different.

My friends taught me how to talk to people, told me what not to do that was so weird, showed me how to dress and take care of myself and use body language, etc. Sometimes they had to force me to try things and speak up but they did it because they cared. If I hadn't met them I don't know what my life would be like now. I'm still friends with them. One was my best friend and she died in 1997. Another married my ex husband and I saw her a few years ago when he went to prison and she had a nervous breakdown over it. She came and stayed with me for a couple of weeks and I helped pull her back together again. Another one lives in the city we grew up again and I only see her on FB,but we still talk to each other about personal things that only someone who has known you that long can understand. The guy, I still see from time to time and went and spent a weekend at his mothers house a few years ago when there was a family get together for her. They were and are very good friends and there for life.

After school I tried hard to make friends and I wasn't ever really successful in making the kind of friends I wanted. I wanted a best friend, or several of them. People close to me like that group was. It wasn't until my late 20s or early 30s that I discovered the difference between friends and acquaintances. Acquaintances are people you can chat with and call to come to a party or to do something casual and light. Friends you can do the same things with but you can talk to them about important things, silly things, things that nobody else cares about and they listen. I also found out that when you meet someone who is friend material that something just "clicks" between you and you can feel it. It's more than just getting along, it's like you were meant to be friends. That isn't very common, and most people who are in a group of friends are really just acquaintances. They can be casual friends, which is between acquaintances and friends, but you really care about and love your friends and they feel the same way about you. True friends aren't as common as people think they are.

I used to see people with lots of friends and want that, but it wasn't until I was older that I figured out that most of those people were acquaintances or casual friends.

Nowdays I have lots of acquaintances, a few casual friends and only a very small amount of true friends. Most of the true friends are people I've known for years.

I felt a lot better about it when I quit looking for every new acquaintance to be my true, good friend. I'm actually happy with having one best friend like that who I talk to often and who I'm there for and she's there for me. As much as it sounds like fun to have a lot of true, good friends, it's really gotta be a lot of work. I'm happy with keeping most people I know as acquaintances or casual friends. Those are the kind you see out in groups or the kind you invite to parties. They are fun, you like them and care about them, but spending long periods of time with them would be difficult because you don't really have that much in common or to talk about.

I'd say to wait and when you meet somebody that really clicks with you, then pursue the friendship. It doesn't happen all that often either. One person a decade is plenty for that.
 
I only ever have one friend at a time, and they are always, at least to some degree, mentally underdeveloped or slow. I think I figured out that I can get along with someone like that because they are often sort of like a kid in an adult's body, and so am I. I take business and financial matters very seriously but, other than that, I'm just like a kid who loves to play and have fun. I absolutely can't sit down at a restaurant, or in someone's home, and have a conversation, like adults tend to do. Just the thought of it bores me almost to tears. Of course, this makes it difficult to have "normal" adults as friends. My current friend, and I, have annual passes to a local amusement park, and we go there all the time and have fun.

When I do have a friend, it's always a close friendship. But, as I said, I only ever seem to have one friend at a time, and they're always female. Although I'm biologically male, I don't mentally identify as any particular gender and, for some reason, I'm only able to identify with, and feel comfortable around, females. I actually love butch females, but every time I have a girl as a friend, they always start wearing dresses and acting more feminine all the time. My life is weird (lol). I think I'm veering off topic, so I'll stop. Sorry about that. :)

I'd love to have a group of friends to go places and have fun with, but I don't see that happening in my future, since I'm no good at socializing.
 
I have occasional or situational "friendships". I don't really feel connected to them, though. I have two online friendships currently.

Throughout my life I didn't have friends and I would only interact with people online in games. I can't really keep a conversation going, so if we play games there's a common interest to talk about.
 
In my experience, real life friends can be a huge pain in the ass.

I have a few friends. I wouldn't say I "connect" with them really. I have some common interests with them, and my "best" friend and I have a similar ideology, and we have "history," having been acquainted for 16 years. Along with that history comes obligation though, and I often get the short end of the stick, though I do try to keep things even as best I can.

People are weird, and I've never quite understood how "normal" people interact. That's why I always end up being friends with the misfits and rejects. It's probably more of a symbiotic relationship than a true friendship though. I've got something they want, and vice versa.

Though I have connected with people at times, we tend to lose that connection eventually. I tend to get bored with people once I know them. It's like reading the same book over and over. Even if it's a really fascinating story, eventually you want new material.
 
The only friends that I have are ones that are associated to a particular activity (golf, motorcycles, guns and a few others) and I rarely see them out side of that particular activity. There are a few others who I see when they want something from me. I seem to have something called " Friendly Neighborhood Mechanic Syndrome". The vast majority of my social life is spent with my wife and my very large family.
 
clg114 said:
The only friends that I have are ones that are associated to a particular activity (golf, motorcycles, guns and a few others) and I rarely see them out side of that particular activity. There are a few others who I see when they want something from me. I seem to have something called " Friendly Neighborhood Mechanic Syndrome". The vast majority of my social life is spent with my wife and my very large family.
Click to expand...


I certainly understand the "when they want something from me" routine. For me, it's usually money. Somehow, I must have a sign on my forehead reading "First National Bank of M." :rolleyes:
 
Yes, but not all the time and usually just one at a time. Since they are now most all online it is rarely long term, but sometimes I reconnect with people again after a long interval.
 
I've never had an easy or successful time making friends. All of my friendships have come from situations where we've been forced to spend time together (school clubs, work), and I can gradually trust them, and they can gradually see that I'm not a nonverbal, shifty-eyed brick with no interests or humor. My husband and I moved from the midwest to Sacramento, and then from there to wine country, and I've been at home with the kids and haven't had a job since (ohmigod) 2003, so... yeah. No.

I have a decent "social" life on the internet, though. Facebook, mom groups that I've been part of since (ohmigod!) 2003. People never understand why I tend to keep them at arm's length as far as face-to-face visiting goes, and they don't seem to believe me when I try to explain it. I've had a few meetings, and I'm always a wreck for days before (well, and after - the small talk act is incredibly exhausting) it happens. The last time, I met someone with her kids in Portland in March when my son and I took the train up there. I know I was a disappointment.
 
I have one or two friends I COULD have contact at any time, but that is just it... they are lying on my phone and Whatsapp's contacts list just there... and I do nothing, nor I really am interested. I spent one day with an Aspie friend of mine this year, only one IIRC. We're done with School, and since then our motivation to spend together has went away mostly. I don't know if am I still their friend, and I am very ashamed and afraid of asking.

On the internet, I ran out from many "friends", for being afraid of them in certain way (within reason I guess, because another friend from same group did just the same before me)

After studying a specific ROM Hacking forum on the net for around 5 years, analyzing each of its major members to the slightest detail and their dirty tricks, I took approach of my escape and made myself a new identity to spend there, by applying everything learnt. My ranking is rising exponentially, and I am getting quite a few friends on there. Why new identity? Because I can't retaliate by being myself =V. One can say I am just manipulating my friendship in a bad way, but all I want, even more than socialize, is that the ROM Hacking community critizes my work being clean of all corruption and bias. Just what I expect from a true friend. But I really seem to not go anywhere through the good means.
 
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