Do you recognize if you're being "rude"?

[garnetflower13]

I remember being at a church gathering once and a young girl there was telling a story about traveling abroad. When she was finished, she came and sat next to me and tried to lean affectionately against me. I was startled and froze, not understanding this sudden intrusion into my personal space. A friend of mine later scolded me for not responding appropriately, and said that I had hurt this girls feelings. So I definitely felt guilty when it wasn't even my fault. I didn't know this girl at at all, and felt puzzled about her sudden show of affection.

 

[paloftoon]

I don't always recognize when I'm being rude because I might be in my own world saying one thing and going off on a tangent. It could be taken in a completely different way and scare people off. I can think of 2 relatively recent occasions this happened, and a 3rd one where I didn't hear the person out enough after awhile.

 

[paloftoon]

I remember being at a church gathering once and a young girl there was telling a story about traveling abroad. When she was finished, she came and sat next to me and tried to lean affectionately against me. I was startled and froze, not understanding this sudden intrusion into my personal space. A friend of mine later scolded me for not responding appropriately, and said that I had hurt this girls feelings. So I definitely felt guilty when it wasn't even my fault. I didn't know this girl at at all, and felt puzzled about her sudden show of affection.

Because she is a young girl, we are expected to intuitively know that she might not know any better. Did you let this girl know about your insecurities about touch and personal space for people you don't know? Try to say stuff like that 1-1 too if you can. Our society "dictates "social graces" " when honesty is usually the best way to go.

Even within honesty, there are better ways to be honest because certain words can be more hurtful than others. i.e. Instead of telling someone they are "ugly" to you appearance wise, it's better to say that they are "not attractive" to you if they push you for that kind of answer. Also, I hope you'd always consider a friendship with a person that is not attractive to you because it's not like you have to get all romantic with that person.

 

[hudz]

I worry that I am coming across rudely all of the time due to poor eye contact, quietness, and trouble giving nonverbal feedback in conversations. Sometimes I think people are offended that I don't show more interest in them or what they are saying. It goes with the territory in my opinion. I worry about hurting others' feelings an incredible amount that I'm always on edge in social situations. I just try to smile more, and that usually helps (not that you should have in your situation).

Indeed, you will. all your life be that 'rude' person. Not to frighten you... Yeah, surely as you get older, you will be less and less to be considered as rude. My honest advice is, don't be afraid to make "quick adjustment". "Sorry" is the simplest reply. Coz, most of the time, if not, all the time we notice our rudeness is right after it happened. So be sure, you are the first to continue your own word/act...like always, use our strength of emptiness of emotion to not try to feel anything. People will react in puzzled and don't really understand what happen at that time and they tend to forget and move on. To be an annoying person is better than a rude person. Hola, you are safe, once again.
Embrace love, disperse hatred.

 

[Bellatrix]

A story that is SO familiar to me. If I had been given a dollar every time someone thought that I had been 'rude', I would now be richer than Donald Trump.

This is silly. You were NOT rude! If that was their perception, then they were the ones with the problem, not you. This is what I find to be rude:
1. Asking a stranger how they are, when one does not give a crap (happens in checkouts all the time).
2. Small talk.
3. Expecting people to not take what one says literally.
4. Office politics.
5. Being dishonest.
6. Being late.

Why aren't these things considered to be 'rude'?

 

[Bellatrix]

Honestly, though, that whole story creeped me out a bit.

So I wasn't the only one then.

Allistics love to be offended by us.

God yes, do they ever! What is it with that?

They really believe they have a right to our attention all the time, even when they're not doing anything with it.

...and when they have done nothing to DESERVE it! Don't they realise that our time and attention is precious, and that we simply don't have any to spare on creepy people who love to stare, start conversations with complete strangers, and otherwise behave irrationally?

 

[Bellatrix]

Sometimes I think people are offended that I don't show more interest in them or what they are saying.

Well, if they're not interesting people then why should you have to pay any attention to what they are saying? If someone is rambling on in my presence, and if I have no interest in what that person is saying, I just come straight out and say, "Go away". It works every time. The conversation comes to an end, and the person is no longer in my presence.

 

[Suzanne]

You go around murdering,generally being an awful person... doesn't stop you having loads of friends or being commended socially but say ONE THING
That could be considered offensive (and these are usually ambigous) then you will be condemned,hated and slandered forever by that person...
Who perhaps when they see you will try lie to you and attempt to be nice.

This is EXACTLY what I have said ( not to person who I have offended), but the way they react is so over the top that it actually doesn't make me feel so sorry!

It makes me so frightened to speak, in case I say the wrong thing, because in truth, the wrong thing is not wrong; but normal and their reaction is overboard, and just makes me feel so useless that I want to hide away.

 

[YoungInnovation]

Sometimes I feel that I am acting rude towards people but in a different kind of situation. You see I am a pizza delivery driver and I walk by a lot of people. Sometimes if we meet eye contact, I greet them. Sometimes, I don't. I realize that I can't greet everyone but I try to greet people who give good eye contact. I do this to show that I am not afraid of them and also because it is something I would like in return. However, I feel bad when someone looks at me and I just look at them, turn and go about my business. I know that I do not owe them anything, but I feel bad anyways for being rude. I spend alot of time putting myself in the other person's shoes and playing out multiple scenarios of how the short interaction could have played out differently.

 

[Jerry]

I tended to do well, until I would state my opinion on things... apparently that makes enemies, LOL! I find that most people don't have the emotional maturity to deal with opposite opinions with friends... therefore they chose you to be an enemy. I've realized over the years that as I would critique the inconsistencies and lapses of logic in our society, I would offend those same members of said society. ... I see it in hindsight now...... um... oops! I'd been called arrogant, cold, whiny, mean, blah blah blah... Funny thing is, my heart overflows with kindness. I am none of those things.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I tended to do well, until I would state my opinion on things... apparently that makes enemies, LOL! I find that most people don't have the emotional maturity to deal with opposite opinions with friends... therefore they chose you to be an enemy. I've realized over the years that as I would critique the inconsistencies and lapses of logic in our society, I would offend those same members of said society. ... I see it in hindsight now...... um... oops! I'd been called arrogant, cold, whiny, mean, blah blah blah... Funny thing is, my heart overflows with kindness. I am none of those things.

Like the 'umm... oops'

Found that really funny.

 

[Jerry]

Like the 'umm... oops'

Found that really funny.

If ya ain't laughin, yer cryin .

 

[Chew Magna]

A lot. I've been told I'm rude, condescending, "high and mighty" many times. I certainly don't mean to. I've found that my tone of voice comes out in a way that's completely unintended, which has lead to some hairy situations in the past. When I speak it sounds totally normal to me, a proper, non-offensive tone of voice. But if I hear myself played back it sounds like I'm borderline berating someone. Granted this doesn't happen all the time, but it happens enough.

 

[Kouzai]

While I have not been told I was rude directly to my face, there are times I noticed what happened after speaking. Often I am blunt, word things in the smallest possible way, and honest but I do lie very often if it would serve me better.

The bluntness is because often my jokes and humor is taken literally or scares others so I have to be direct with my thoughts to get the proper point across.

Wording things in the smallest possible way is due to the fact my mind can connect the most oddest things to each other logically and often the only way I can get the point across if not blunt, is by using smaller sentences.
One topic was about trains (late 1800's American history assignment in high school): my mind went from train supplying goods to robbers stealing money, jumped from banks losing said money to law enforcement following them to recover money, death and blood shed during confrontation etc. When the topic was just about trains in general.

On the flip side, I try to keep good eye contact and smile or greet people in passing since even if they don't acknowledge me, I feel better since sometimes people just need to know that someone was them.