"Doctors are 'failing to spot Asperger's in girls'"

[HelloDizzy]

I would love to live somewhere that I could meet with a group of Aspies of either gender once a month. That sounds like a controlled timing and environment to make social connections.

 

[Atay]

Yeah, it's been really helpful. They're just so easy to talk to, and the conversations are so much more in line with what I find interesting. I found this group on Meetup.com, but another place to check might be therapists holding process groups. I hope you can find something in your area. I personally have found it very therapeutic.

It's funny, though. In some ways I feel like I'm coming out of some proverbial closet every time I go. So weird...

 

[Butterfly_Lady]

One thing I am going to add to my book is why in the WORLD these people writing Aspie-female articles think that female peers "guide the Aspie female" and that's how we end up more socially adept than Aspie males. I have never experienced this bubbly, pink, caring nature in little girls that these articles seem to gesture at. Little girls are mean.

I too was bullied more by other girls then by boys, I did have my boy bullies too but most of my bullies were other girls. I never had any friends, I would have just assumed blended into a wall then to talk to anyone back then.

 

[Vanilla]

Survival isn't even the word for it, I don't think. The need to "blend in" in any way possible, is basically beaten into us by other girls when we're kids without recourse (in my experience). There are entire books on the nuances of female bullying, and how it's so easily missed, because it's largely covert and passive-aggressive. It's astounding how much some have it down to an art form.

The fact that I function a lot like an NT male makes sense, at least for me, as I've always tended to gravitate toward males even for platonic relationships, as opposed to females (except for the ones that share the personality trait patterns), just by virtue of shared personality traits.

But yeah, society has taught girls in general that it's best to blend in, be "seen and not heard," be polite, and whatnot. It makes it difficult to push to get help, for fear of rocking the boat or being different.

Unfortunately, I've found that many doctors are pretty clueless about a lot of things, and some are quite arrogant, to boot. I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and had to go through three (female!) doctors to get someone that didn't just dismiss me out of hand and just tell me that the weight issues were just me being a lazy glutton (what astounded me was that one of said doctors was the one that had given me the diagnosis initially!). I also had some eczema, that the doctor just dismissed as "contact dermatitis" (aka - you got into something that your skin reacted to) and basically said "here's a corticosteroid cream, have fun!" instead of taking a little time to consider what the actual root cause was (and, you know, see if there was even anything that I'd come into contact with, or suggest what that "something" was).

The main key to finding a good doctor is finding one that realizes that their education didn't end when they got that Doctorate degree. They should be willing to learn about new things, admit when they're not familiar with something, and should be willing to listen to the patient and work with them. I'd have far more respect for a doctor that is willing to say "I'm not familiar with that, but I will research it, and we can work together to find a solution that works for you," than one who won't admit that they're wrong or lacking in knowledge in a certain area and seem to insist that the things they learned in school are gospel.

I was actually lucky to find a psychiatrist who was humble enough to admit he didn't have all the answers. When I admitted I thought I had AS, he told me he didn't see it in me, but also told me he wasn't confident in his opinion, and even recommended a professional who was. Those kinds of doctors are rare, so I appreciated it; even if he couldn't see it.

 

[Kelly]

There are entire books on the nuances of female bullying, and how it's so easily missed, because it's largely covert and passive-aggressive. It's astounding how much some have it down to an art form.

Absolutely this! There is one little girl in my daughter's class who is pure evil, she makes all these snide comments about people, her and her friends go up to other girls and try and belittle them. Thank goodness my little girl is super confident and will stand up for herself because she's tried it a number of times with her.

A few weeks ago my daughter got some new shoes for school, they are black creepers with metal studs on and she also wanted a leather jacket, she wore them to school and this horrid girl and her group went up to her and she said "why are you dressed like that" (with a disgusted tone) and my daughter smiled and said "because my parents let me express myself and I like how I'm dressed" and she walked away. The girl tried again during lunch to upset her by saying horrible things about her outfit, my daughter's response..."you're just jealous because I'm awesome and you're not" and walked away again.

This girl is so sneaky about it, she waits until the staff are not looking to do it and then is the perfect little angel when adults are around, she is horrible but my daughter knows how to deal with her, she saves her best come backs for when she's being really nasty to her(or to her friends). This little girls dad is not around and her mother works all sorts of hours and has an au pair for the girl, so my daughter being smart uses it to upset her. One time she was picking on one little girl and my daughter went over to help and said your only doing this because your parents don't love you enough to be around you....the bully was nearly in tears and one of her "gang" started crying...totally hit a nerve! She walked away with the girl they were picking on and made sure she was okay and played with her and her friends for the rest of the day.

I think fitting in depends on alot of factors, how nice the other children are is a big factor, my daughter has 3 best friends and several other friends all who accept her, they know when she goes off fuming to leave her alone until she calms down and they don't judge her for it. She's very lucky because I know other girls are not so fortunate and the same sort of behaviour has them labelled weird by the other girls (seems the bigger the city they live in the worse the kids are, we live in a village so it's all very close knit anyway). I also think when they are younger they fit in more readily anyway with the other girls, it's when they get to about 7/8 when girls are forming closer circles of friends and the obvious differences become more apparent that they can become isolated. For example a 4 year old screaming because someone touched their arm is not that weird or noticeable to other 4 year olds because they all cry/scream over silly things at that age (and are not as socially aware), an 8 year old doing the same thing is classed as weird because "OMG I only touched your arm, what's wrong with you!"

 

[Warwick C]

I like your post Kelly and wanted to ad that you have a smart and marvelous daughter.