Does anyone deal with what might be called "implied guilt" ?

[LucyPurrs]

Hey Judge...
This guy is just a jerk... Its our frozen broken water line on our private property of which he has zero involvement. I have no idea what the guy is thinking. He's a known trouble maker and I don't ever go around seeking out trouble. I did nothing wrong, or anything to provoke him. If I had of had all the parts I needed, this would be a finished buried product. We have broken water lines all the time because the ground contains so much rock that in some areas the water lines simply cant be buried deep enough unless we blast the rock out, which is pretty extreme...

All I can possibly figure is he saw the glare from the frozen runoff and in some freakish universe he felt he needed to get involved. We shut off all water, none was wasted except for the leak itself. Its our well water... I don't get it myself, and I was tired and just didn't really want to deal with this person. So in full ASD fashion I offended him in basically not communicating with him, and by not meeting his unwarranted demands to explain myself to him.

Of course if this had of been my Boss, or even someone remotely involved in our property... I would have the common sense to fill them in on what I was doing and what happened. But they mostly leave me alone and they know I know what I am doing and I will ask for help if I get in a bind. Most the time I never ask, I just do as I am expected and carry on.

I truly think this man came to my door to do exactly what he did... And he did a great job. He's a monster who has no ability to be kind. He was interjecting himself on a kind human who has no ability to understand his mindset. Just two universes colliding I guess.

He just triggered a bunch of stuff I have dealt with all my life and it hit me wrong. It was wrong, (I may have been a little wrong also) but that is LIFE at least until I figure out a way around it... Gritche's Assy little man seems to be a good place to start... : )

Illegitimi non carborundum is a mock-Latin aphorism meaning "Don't let the bastards grind you down".

 

[Chance]

There’s this myth of the Infinite Effort.

Yes, if a bunch of Nazis are chasing me, I can go without sleep and food longer than I think I can. There’s something about being pursued by evil that puts extra energy in our step But just because we can flog ourselves into constant effort doesn’t mean we should.

I am recovering from driving my brain to the brink of breaking. It makes sense for me to take it easy when I get so much as a slight headache... I am like someone recovering from a Traumatic Brain Injury or concussion. My brain needs rest. Fortunately, quietly reading or listening to an audiobook while I play a game doesn’t bother my brain.

We don’t need permission to take care of ourselves. It is, in fact, our humane obligation.

I think in some way you fully get what I do with the information that goes into my head... It in itself can become a monster that chases my thoughts around and around... So while I try to live in a very real physical life, I am fighting all these very real mental battles in my head that aren't made up, but just wont shut up.

If they were not real, I would easily be seen as a nut job, but they are real and they may be from when I was five, or from this morning, and they may all show up at the same time... Which is basically what happened today.

This happens when I am tired, or not feeling real well, and it just sucks basically... But this is my LIFE and I thank you all for not bashing me, and trying to grasp my levels of stupidity at times... It means a lot to me... : )

 

[OkRad]

The way I see it, people are downright rude these days. Eveyone, esepcially in the US, is all gone mad. They have lost their minds.

Please don't take it personal. People are so stressed they are going crazy right in public.

 

[Judge]

The way I see it, people are downright rude these days. Eveyone, esepcially in the US, is all gone mad. They have lost their minds.

Please don't take it personal. People are so stressed they are going crazy right in public.

Good point. I come up with a logical, but complex reason and yet I forgot that the simplest answer may well be the most plausible one. Negative exchanges with rational people can be tough enough, but with irrational people it's often even tougher.

It's just sad that we're apt to hold onto such experiences in our minds, playing them back over and over. I know I do...and I often wish I didn't. But with so many social failures over one's lifetime maybe we often default to blaming ourselves even when it's not our fault. Maybe that's where the "guilt" comes into play.

 

[James Hardy]

wow man i had a good childhood, but my life is like you say. i feel guilt for everything, for my job being too easy, for having a shot walk to work, for having less worries then my roommates,... and the list goes on......

 

[SusanLR]

This post might get me into trouble but here goes: TBH he sounds like a bit of a jerk who will continue to push your buttons as long as you allow him to do so. Why are you giving away your power?

No trouble from me. A legitimate question.
True the guy is a jerk who likes to bully and make everyone miserable that he can, not just me.
He must be miserable himself, I think, and wants to be sure everyone else is too if he can do anything about it.

I have always been the type of person who stands up for myself and never let anyone make a doormat of me.
How I've ended in this situation is complicated.

I've never had many close friends and only two family relatives whom I've lived with all my life.
I don't like change, a strong part of my Aspie personality. Never wanted marriage, children or to live alone. I was very content making my life with the only two relatives I had ever known, my parents, with a few close friends and relationships to round it out.

But, change comes and I didn't know how to handle it.
Simply put, I found myself disabled in health, had to stop work, my parents health declining, I stayed as their caregivers until their death four years ago.
Most of my SSD went to helping them and staying together as a group.
I'd spent what savings I had for their care and found myself with two choices.

Life in a group home due to disabilities or find someone to share living expenses with. I chose the second.
I saw it as a job with a place to live really.
He has no family. He wants a caregiver/escort type person. He is elderly and in poor health.

I still have the two choices, group home or living with someone else whom I don't know at all.
If I leave him for another way of life which would be controlled also, he would break legal financial documents drawn up on my behalf.

So while I complain of how he controls and is emotionally a SOB, would I be better living the other way?
It's like feeling trapped, and I do wish for someone I could feel care for each other with and some emotional needs met.
This is very personal for me to talk about, but, I'm just telling it like it is.

 

[Chance]

The way I see it, people are downright rude these days. Eveyone, esepcially in the US, is all gone mad. They have lost their minds.

Please don't take it personal. People are so stressed they are going crazy right in public.

I never want to be one of those people. We are all the most blessed people to have ever lived (no matter where we live)... I tend to notice how people have no regard for LIFE and it messes with me a lot (that has to be painfully obvious). I am very grateful to have the LIFE I have burdens, ASD, past abuse, and all. I don't like the negative side of me, but if it were not there I wouldn't have anything to compare positive with.

I tend to not care much for any level of manufactured drama. I never find it to have any form of value that brings anything good in my life. I get made fun of a lot for constantly digging, and it might be a waste of life to others, but in my head... Its what I am here for.

Its like LIFE is this massive mystery filled with truths, half truths, and out right lies... It is my inner task to sort through whatever I come across and make sense of it.

I have been up most the night reading The TAO TE CHING... Why? I just found something in it that has a freedom, and it never tries to crush anyone else in the process. If any of my family found me reading that... Wow at the comments and criticism that would be flying everywhere... So its not like I can sit and have a reasonable conversation with anyone because of the disconnect I have with most everyone it seems...

I sometimes feel guilty for no known reason... Maybe its because I am not some mad man that is out of mind, then again... maybe I am just delusional and totally out of my mind, but I don't think I would dig and try and learn what I seek IF I was crazy.

I am so open to learning that it blows peoples minds at what I will dig into... Yesterday I was watching this stuff on "flat earth theories" and so far I cant make much of that make any sense at all, plus they are basing it on deeply religious texts that I have already found to be tampered with...

So that theory is just way out the window until hard evidence shows itself otherwise... I mention this NOT because I think the earth is flat (in any way), but because I am open to listening and learning (with deep discerning) to anyone... You never know where you might find one of those missing nuggets of wisdom.

Now look at "normal" people (around me)... Do they do any of this? No, the ones I am around are drinking, playing cards, gossiping, fighting, cheating on their spouses, calling themselves Christians, and God only knows what else... So if my ASD is what causes me to be grounded and dig for some meaning in LIFE, then my ASD is a gift more than the curse I see it as so much of the time...

 

[Suzanne]

It's very common in many subcultures, where the only virtue is WORK.



I disagree. I think it is implanted by oppressive systems.

Actually, that is human nature. Because we allow others to intrude in our own psychi.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I never want to be one of those people. We are all the most blessed people to have ever lived (no matter where we live)... I tend to notice how people have no regard for LIFE and it messes with me a lot (that has to be painfully obvious). I am very grateful to have the LIFE I have burdens, ASD, past abuse, and all. I don't like the negative side of me, but if it were not there I wouldn't have anything to compare positive with.

I tend to not care much for any level of manufactured drama. I never find it to have any form of value that brings anything good in my life. I get made fun of a lot for constantly digging, and it might be a waste of life to others, but in my head... Its what I am here for.

Its like LIFE is this massive mystery filled with truths, half truths, and out right lies... It is my inner task to sort through whatever I come across and make sense of it.

I have been up most the night reading The TAO TE CHING... Why? I just found something in it that has a freedom, and it never tries to crush anyone else in the process. If any of my family found me reading that... Wow at the comments and criticism that would be flying everywhere... So its not like I can sit and have a reasonable conversation with anyone because of the disconnect I have with most everyone it seems...

I sometimes feel guilty for no known reason... Maybe its because I am not some mad man that is out of mind, then again... maybe I am just delusional and totally out of my mind, but I don't think I would dig and try and learn what I seek IF I was crazy.

I am so open to learning that it blows peoples minds at what I will dig into... Yesterday I was watching this stuff on "flat earth theories" and so far I cant make much of that make any sense at all, plus they are basing it on deeply religious texts that I have already found to be tampered with...

So that theory is just way out the window until hard evidence shows itself otherwise... I mention this NOT because I think the earth is flat (in any way), but because I am open to listening and learning (with deep discerning) to anyone... You never know where you might find one of those missing nuggets of wisdom.

Now look at "normal" people (around me)... Do they do any of this? No, the ones I am around are drinking, playing cards, gossiping, fighting, cheating on their spouses, calling themselves Christians, and God only knows what else... So if my ASD is what causes me to be grounded and dig for some meaning in LIFE, then my ASD is a gift more than the curse I see it as so much of the time...

The Upanishads is next for you to read.

Brihad aranyaka (may have misremembered) was my favorite bit

And always Krishnamurti

 

[Chance]

The Upanishads is next for you to read.

Brihad aranyaka (may have misremembered) was my favorite bit

Okay, I will do that... : )

 

[Chance]

No trouble from me. A legitimate question.
True the guy is a jerk who likes to bully and make everyone miserable that he can, not just me.
He must be miserable himself, I think, and wants to be sure everyone else is too if he can do anything about it.

I have always been the type of person who stands up for myself and never let anyone make a doormat of me.
How I've ended in this situation is complicated.

I've never had many close friends and only two family relatives whom I've lived with all my life.
I don't like change, a strong part of my Aspie personality. Never wanted marriage, children or to live alone. I was very content making my life with the only two relatives I had ever known, my parents, with a few close friends and relationships to round it out.

But, change comes and I didn't know how to handle it.
Simply put, I found myself disabled in health, had to stop work, my parents health declining, I stayed as their caregivers until their death four years ago.
Most of my SSD went to helping them and staying together as a group.
I'd spent what savings I had for their care and found myself with two choices.

Life in a group home due to disabilities or find someone to share living expenses with. I chose the second.
I saw it as a job with a place to live really.
He has no family. He wants a caregiver/escort type person. He is elderly and in poor health.

I still have the two choices, group home or living with someone else whom I don't know at all.
If I leave him for another way of life which would be controlled also, he would break legal financial documents drawn up on my behalf.

So while I complain of how he controls and is emotionally a SOB, would I be better living the other way?
It's like feeling trapped, and I do wish for someone I could feel care for each other with and some emotional needs met.
This is very personal for me to talk about, but, I'm just telling it like it is.

I think you have chosen the best you know how... I wouldn't know what to do either. LIFE for me has never been this cut and dried easy path... Its mostly thorns no matter which way I go, so I just choose the least thorns mostly.

You are always full of wisdom with me, so there is no need to beat yourself up over things you could never control in the first place... Look at me being the hypocrite in plain open sight... Geez... : )

 

[pax]

I totally get this

 

[OkRad]

I never want to be one of those people. We are all the most blessed people to have ever lived (no matter where we live)... I tend to notice how people have no regard for LIFE and it messes with me a lot (that has to be painfully obvious). I am very grateful to have the LIFE I have burdens, ASD, past abuse, and all. I don't like the negative side of me, but if it were not there I wouldn't have anything to compare positive with.

I tend to not care much for any level of manufactured drama. I never find it to have any form of value that brings anything good in my life. I get made fun of a lot for constantly digging, and it might be a waste of life to others, but in my head... Its what I am here for.

Its like LIFE is this massive mystery filled with truths, half truths, and out right lies... It is my inner task to sort through whatever I come across and make sense of it.

I have been up most the night reading The TAO TE CHING... Why? I just found something in it that has a freedom, and it never tries to crush anyone else in the process. If any of my family found me reading that... Wow at the comments and criticism that would be flying everywhere... So its not like I can sit and have a reasonable conversation with anyone because of the disconnect I have with most everyone it seems...

I sometimes feel guilty for no known reason... Maybe its because I am not some mad man that is out of mind, then again... maybe I am just delusional and totally out of my mind, but I don't think I would dig and try and learn what I seek IF I was crazy.

I am so open to learning that it blows peoples minds at what I will dig into... Yesterday I was watching this stuff on "flat earth theories" and so far I cant make much of that make any sense at all, plus they are basing it on deeply religious texts that I have already found to be tampered with...

So that theory is just way out the window until hard evidence shows itself otherwise... I mention this NOT because I think the earth is flat (in any way), but because I am open to listening and learning (with deep discerning) to anyone... You never know where you might find one of those missing nuggets of wisdom.

Now look at "normal" people (around me)... Do they do any of this? No, the ones I am around are drinking, playing cards, gossiping, fighting, cheating on their spouses, calling themselves Christians, and God only knows what else... So if my ASD is what causes me to be grounded and dig for some meaning in LIFE, then my ASD is a gift more than the curse I see it as so much of the time...

Have u ever gone to a Mennonite church,? There is no drama. High functioning, giving, no drama, and u will be left alone. No getting into your life unless you want.

 

[Chance]

Illegitimi non carborundum is a mock-Latin aphorism meaning "Don't let the bastards grind you down".

I may make this into a sticker or better yet a tat... I lost a bet and I owe a tat to my cousin... Not wanting to pay up, but this would work... I have never gotten a tattoo before, but I promised I would get one when I go to San Diego. I think this is what I want! I also learned its not good to bet even when I thingk I am right!!!

 

[LucyPurrs]

I may make this into a sticker or better yet a tat... I lost a bet and I owe a tat to my cousin... Not wanting to pay up, but this would work... I have never gotten a tattoo before, but I promised I would get one when I go to San Diego. I think this is what I want! I also learned its not good to bet even when I thingk I am right!!!

My dad used to say this all the time. Chance I think you are amazing- for your honesty, openness, curiousity and willingness to entertain all sorts of ideas and seek truth, and just generally being a really deeply good human being who cares about other people. So there!

 

[Judge]

I may make this into a sticker or better yet a tat... I lost a bet and I owe a tat to my cousin... Not wanting to pay up, but this would work... I have never gotten a tattoo before, but I promised I would get one when I go to San Diego. I think this is what I want! I also learned its not good to bet even when I think I am right!!!

That was the first time I ever heard of it- as a sticker, circa 1966.

 

[LucyPurrs]

No trouble from me. A legitimate question.
True the guy is a jerk who likes to bully and make everyone miserable that he can, not just me.
He must be miserable himself, I think, and wants to be sure everyone else is too if he can do anything about it.

I have always been the type of person who stands up for myself and never let anyone make a doormat of me.
How I've ended in this situation is complicated.

I've never had many close friends and only two family relatives whom I've lived with all my life.
I don't like change, a strong part of my Aspie personality. Never wanted marriage, children or to live alone. I was very content making my life with the only two relatives I had ever known, my parents, with a few close friends and relationships to round it out.

But, change comes and I didn't know how to handle it.
Simply put, I found myself disabled in health, had to stop work, my parents health declining, I stayed as their caregivers until their death four years ago.
Most of my SSD went to helping them and staying together as a group.
I'd spent what savings I had for their care and found myself with two choices.

Life in a group home due to disabilities or find someone to share living expenses with. I chose the second.
I saw it as a job with a place to live really.
He has no family. He wants a caregiver/escort type person. He is elderly and in poor health.

I still have the two choices, group home or living with someone else whom I don't know at all.
If I leave him for another way of life which would be controlled also, he would break legal financial documents drawn up on my behalf.

So while I complain of how he controls and is emotionally a SOB, would I be better living the other way?
It's like feeling trapped, and I do wish for someone I could feel care for each other with and some emotional needs met.
This is very personal for me to talk about, but, I'm just telling it like it is.

Susan, Just saw your response. I'm so sorry you had to make this choice but understand and would probably have made the same choice myself. You are courageous for being so open about it all. Hang in there.

 

[OlLiE]

if you honestly have done something wrong, own up to it, apologise, forget about it > no guilt required

if people are blaming you for something you didn't do or implying guilt, then they are likely diverting guilt from themselves > put them in their place > make them own it > realise that they are spineless, remember it for future reference > move on > no guilt required

 

[SusanLR]

I have been up most the night reading The TAO TE CHING... Why? I just found something in it that has a freedom, and it never tries to crush anyone else in the process.

I found the same peaceful feelings when I read it years ago.
In fact it was something that came to my mind that I
thought of recommending for you to read also.
I need to re-read it myself.

In agreement that the Upanishads is something you might gleen some gems from too.

I know an Aspie with that digging, seeking, wanting to know all he can learn in this life time type of mind like we have.
It is a treat when we are able to get together for discussions and just sharing things we are learning or experiences in our seeking knowledge and wisdom.
Deep philosophy, metaphysical, spiritual nature of science and the theory of all. Stuff not many others find interesting or think we're crazy for having interests in.
We would enjoy each other's company even more,
but we are both involved in relationships that make it complicated.

You have a lot to share, too, Chance.
You can always PM me and I think you can see
you have a lot of friends on-line here that care.